Friday, May 14, 2010

This just in - Kim Kardashian is a tard!

celebritarded!

kim kardashian gaggedKim Kardashian is known for having a few sex tapes out, having done a few reality TV series, and for having dating a few famous people. She's also good looking in a Monica Lewinsky sort of way (Bill Clinton must be stalking that chick cause she seems like his dream girl!) KK is also famous for having an ass so big it could qualify as outdoor plumbing! It's a shame that the other end doesn't work as well because Kim has made a few comments that have made it clear which end - heads or tails - is in charge.

conspicuous consumption

When you've got a great big fat arse on you then putting on weight becomes an issue. Kim has been fairly open in the past about having to watch what she eats. Like everyone fighting the battle of the budge she's got her diet secrets (though in her case the battle of the bulge seems to be mostly a rear guard action!).

battles of the bulge and other dangerous curves

Now the statements that cast some doubt on Ms. Kardashian's mental proficiency were in regard to her weight control secrets. She made the statements to, who else, Ryan Seacrest. Seacrest is the one who tormented Heidi Montag into getting a pair of knockers so large that if she were positioned strategically Homeland Security might be able to mount some kind of satellite tracking dish on them. Now that's an exaggeration, but I'm sure that they could be sued to road block more troublesome spots along the US - Mexican border! Ryan always seems to be on hand when any kind of trouble goes down.

Diner with White House Correspondents - choke on this

Back to Miss Kim. Seems that while she was chatting away to RS she let her coveted diet tactics slip. The conversation took place @ the White House Correspondents banquet. The WHC was responsible for a lot of silly statements from a number of people, and is already getting a reputation similar to the annual Southfork Barbecue on Dallas. Though it was the event of the Dallas social season it usually ended in a scene, and often with Cliff Barnes drunk and face down in either the pool or the barbecue.

Ryan Seacrest is a necessary rat

Seacrest was asking Kim how she manages to put the breaks on when she's faced with a tempting dinner. Kim reveals that she carries Windex around with her. When a meals looks just too damned good she takes it out, and then sprays down the food. It's then inedible on the basis that even some one stupid enough to put Windex on their food wouldn't be dumb enough to eat it.

a little dab will do ya!

Now in Kim's defense she only uses the Windex at home. When she's out at a restaurant she settles for dumping soda on it. Beyond that it's pretty indefensible. For one thing wouldn't it be easier not to buy the food. To go out and get food that you have to pour Windex on to avoid eating is complicated. There are too many steps. It would be more believable if she said that she gets Windex & vinegar mixed up regularly.

Kim needs to smarten up and get saucy!

For another thing it's just a disgraceful way to treat your food. Once you've put Windex on it it's useless period. So why not go for a less extreme option; one that will make the food unappetizing, rather than potentially lethal? A bottle of Tabasco sauce would work just as well. Since many people enjoy super hot meals the food is still salvageable. If that would be too drastic a shift for Ms. Kardashian then she could taper off of the Windex by way of things that are still to strong to be edible, without being flat out poisonous. Like the Bhut Jolokia (Naga Ghost Chili) which is known has the hottest pepper in the world. It ranks at something like 1 million on the Scoville scale. If Ms. Kim added a couple of these to her meals then she might not feel like eating again for days, and possibly weeks. Even hard core chili pepper lovers can get ko'd by this, just like the poor man in the following short video!



Kim Kardashian wears a dental gag http://www.celebuzz.com/top... on TwitpicOne of those should put KK off of food, possibly for days. Besides their are other less extreme methods of limiting food intake. For instance Kim could go back to wearing that dental gag she's so fond of! Or she could start watching any one of those numerous reality TV chef shows. As a last ditch she might even simply remind herself about the lacking hygiene levels in some of America's best restaurants! Think about that too much and the Windex will start looking like a good idea - mild poison versus short order chef's crotch grab germs and mucus spray! Besides, most food is so over processed today that a shot of Windex is neither here nor there!



ON a brighter note, no matter how bleak the present looks there's always a chance that things can turn around. 10 years ago Robert Downey jr couldn't buy a job in acting - despite nearly winning the Academy Award for his brilliant screen portrayal of Charles Chaplin. Then Mel Gibson and Tom Cruise walked amongst the Hollywood Hills as gods upon the Earth. Now Tom Cruise would have a hard time buying film work. Mel Gibson might want to start saving up for that matter.

As for Downey, not only has he scored with Ironman 2, but he's got a whole bunch of people on Twitter pretending to be him. I've got no idea who the real one is, if the real Robert Downey is even on Twitter, since none of those accounts are verified. If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery - and even the Bible says that we are made to be like God, and be imitators of Christ - though both of those persons, assuming they are distinct, should be above and beyond flattery - then it goes to show how dart hings can turn around. "Better to be alive dog than a dead lion; for where there is life there is also hope." ~ Ecclesiastes.

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wondertrash
at 2:30 AM
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