Follywood Fugitive
moving violation
Drama Queen Lindsay Lohan is in the middle of another crisis. She's due for a court appearance Monday over a DUI related parole violation. She was sentenced to alcohol awareness class but only showed up for every other class about half the time. The other half of the time she didn't bother showing up at all. Lindsay is already acutely alcohol aware. It's abstinence that she's got issues with. Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder like absinthe makes the wits go yonder!prying eyes are watching you
So that lead to a court date for sometime tomorrow. That's when the judge has to decide exactly what to do about that naughty naughty young woman. He might have had to decide without her cause Lindsay was until recently over @ Cannes. It's film festival time of the year again, and so celebrities have descended on the poor benighted French village like a swarm of locusts. At first it might seem a little careless of Lindz to go gallivanting around while she has unresolved legal issues. Still her career has been in and out of free fall ever since Lindz has been in and out of the tabloids. So it might pay to network. Besides it must be such a relief to get out from under Dr Drew's watchful eye for 3 days or so.wondertrash & the locusts
don't leave home without it - if you're planning on coming back that is
So that brinks us to Lindz current game of brinkmanship. Lindz claimed that she couldn't make tomorrow's court date because she's lost her pass port. Shit happens, especially when you're permanently befuddled. She could've left it jammed in the ATM by mistake, while trying to get a withdrawal for an extra round of partying. It could be lying around any night club in Cannes. Then again, going by the above photo, she might have even left it in her other toga! Mom supported her on the pass port - telling the media "I told her to say that so she wouldn't get into trouble". Dina might mean well but her idea of a cover story is awful. If you're gonna pull something like that then don't blow your cover story by fessing up on video - especially before the court date! After years as Michael Lohan's better half she should have learned a thing or two.
The Celebrity Police
Anyway with the possibility of jail time immanent, and dour - & hung over Lindsay has made her way from sunny Cannes and back to the USA. Matter of fact Lindsay came back through LAX about 7 PM yesterday. So I guess that the pass port turned up or something. That means Lindsay had an entire trans Atlantic flight to think up something to tell the judge manana! She'd better make it good too. She can't afford anymore sloppiness. For instance if she'd only said that she couldn't make court because Homeland Security has her on a no fly list as a possible terrorist - no one would have questioned it. In fact if Homeland Security could only be harnessed to protect us against the 'cultural threat' of modern celebrity, then the house that Bush built will have found honest work for themselves!
Keep on rockin' us baby!
Little Miss Backslider
BTW - there's a new player in the game. She's Lou Taylor - a Tennessee financial guru/evangelical mentor. She took over Britney's affairs and then frightened the shit out of her by playing on Spears' Southern Christian roots. "You're going straight to hell young lady!" Now the mind games and shock tactics would've only gone so far except that Taylor (and how fortunate that her last name isn't Grant) delivered the goods. She managed Britney's recent tour to a financially successful conclusion. Well word has it - by 'word' I mean TMZ - that LT is now in on the Lohan case, and even wired her over some money to get her affairs straightened out!
Sorry Oprah
Makes you stop and think - if there was anything to New Age Spirituality then desperate celebrities wouldn't be turning back to an already discredited path like Christian fundamentalism. The Hollywood Yogis figured that they were much image savvier than the Bible Thumpers, and so could look forward to a much longer career. However the Fundies have learned something from their time in exile - "You can only string people a long so far, but you can string them along a lot farther if you deliver the goods!" Nothing helps credibility like a pay off!
credibility for credit - buying your faith with your own money!
Come on, even politicians know that - it's why they make free with the hand outs 6 months prior to an election (or at least they did back when they knew what they were doing. Nowadays they just arrange photo ops - like Steven Harper's' on going jam sessions with prominent musicians. Get with it Steve-O, a chicken in every pot remember?).
Wondertrash boguszen: When you reach a point in your career when you walk off the stage thinking "It's over - YES!", then you're headed in the right direction. Ego tripping can make you a glutton for punishment, especially if the little devil on your shoulder is telling you that it's worth it. That pushy little weenie can become a monkey on your back before you know it!
the shiny guy
Wondertrash: image's collision course with reality!
Ian Anderson is the patron saint of wondertrash! Sorry sir that didn't come out right ;)
