Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Reality starlet pleads to burglarizing Orlando Bloom's house



Just when you thought that celebrities didn't give a damn rocker Lenny Kravitz has stepped up to the plate on behalf of Gulf Coast Relief. As you may have heard - unless you've been living in a cave on mars with both fingers shoved in your ears (It was so cool when David Hyde Pierce said that as Side Show Cecil on the Simpsons!) - the Gulf Coast is getting hammered by a carelessly spilled oil slick. This means imminent peril for a plethora of wild life and the human beings who subsist on them. So it's bad news all the way around! Next to peace on Earth and good will amongst men this is about as worthy a cause as you can get. It may not be PETA glamorous but it's honest!

Orlando Bloom's mind should be at ease. I don't mean that his beard gal pal Miranda Kerr - or Adriana Lima Light, has sworn off of her ex Brandon Greasy Bear Davis. No addled young starlet could do that. Brandon's bagged them all including Mischa Barton and Paris Hilton. While you can't underestimate the appeal of being the heir, having mental problems, or in the case of Mischa mental dental problems, also seems to make Brandon look pretty good. Being drunk shaves 10 points off of the IQ. That would put the ordinary person while drunk at normal functioning level for a 20 something actress.

2 + 2/6 = guilty

Now Orlando can sleep securely because those nasty young burglars known as The Hollywood Hills Gang, alias the Bling Ring, are getting sentenced. The case stalled when the person the cops had arrested as ring leader turned out to be a sap that the others had decided to let take the rap. A practical solution to the Prisoner's Dilemma, except for the sap! Improbably the LAPD think tank was running on more than fumes for a change, and those dauntless and redoubtable sleuths put 2 and 2 together and eventually got 4. In plain language they started busting down on the other 6.

The cops were well motivated to make more use of their gray cells on this because the victims were a who's who: Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Mischa Barton, Miranda Kerr, and basically everyone in Brandon Davis little black book! Not that they used Brandon's date list - they used social networking sites like Twitter to find out when the D List would be on the prowl, and then break in! By making timely use of information the young hooligans got to satisfy their cravings for thrills and bling! If it paid to advertise then liquor & tobacco interests would be broke!

Incidentally the young woman recently sentenced, known as Pretty Wilde, was also a reality TV show actress/participant.

wondertrash