Brat Pack

gotten rotten

If you read the last Wondertrash post you might have gotten the feeling that I'm just not trying anymore. Maybe the word 'apathetic' in the title was a give away. Trying leads to so much mischief in life - if our celebrities are any indication - that sometimes not trying is worth a try. The less effort the less trouble gets made. However if everyone thought like that then the history books would be empty, and school boys would have nothing to trouble them. We can't all be buddhas, right away anyway. So in the spirit of wholesome mischief, here's some fresh shit.

Justin TV

It seems that no one is bigger these days then Justin Bieber; not since Charlie Sheen went back on his meds and recovered from that case of Sheenius. It seems that when ever this kid breaks wind it becomes an over publicized non event of the kind that might get 24 hour on going "developing story" type coverage on CNN. So if you so sick of this kid that you want to punch out random mop topped teen on the street, then skip over this part. It's gonna send you over.

breaking Bieber

The latest out break of Bieber fever has the Beeb on CSI. He was already killed off on Law & Order, but like Jesus the death didn't take and so he back to haunt us. As said his latest appearance was on CSI, though it might have been easier to take if he'd appeared in a grilled cheese sandwich or bowling alley lane - Jesus style. Anyway Justy keeps his cheesy mainstream so he got on CSI where he met Marge Helgenberger.

Justy & Busty

Now this musty been a big deal in the life of a growing boy. Margy, you'll recall, is the gal who acts in CSI and whose boobs are prominently feature, often hoist up into a firing position. So Justy must've been keen to make a real good impression on her. Maybe that's why Margy says that he seemed like a real nice guy when she met him. Her exact words, as quoted by Radaronline, were "He was nice to me." See, I said he was nice!

Everyone can't have big boobs, so Justy can't be nice to everyone

Thing was that it didn't stop there. Seems that Justy wasn't quite so nice with his other, non mammary endowed castmates. In fact Boobs, I mean Margy, goes on to say that, and once again I quote by way of Radaronline, that "I shouldn't be saying this but he was kind of a brat." Actually that part got said on a French radio interview, but Radaronline got wind of it and repeated it! Busty goes on to say that "He was nice to me but he locked one of the producers in a closet and he put his fist through a cake that was one the cast's table!"

the moral of the story

So what can we draw from this? Well for one thing Justy is a real swell guy, if you happen to be a hot chick with great big boobs that stick up at a 45 degree angle. Other wise watch you're step, cause he can be a rotten little jerk. Also we've learned that you have to watch what you say, cause what you say can get around. Even if it's said over seas and in a foreign language. If it's about Bieber then the world is gonna know about it and more sooner than later. That probably has something to do with the Internet! Finally we've learned that the mass media hasn't gotten tired of talking about Bieber yet, not matter how sick of him everyone else is. That probably has something to do with his appeal to teenage girls and middle aged "Herbert the Pervert" types. So we're probably gonna keep hearing too much about him in the future, even if you dearly wish that he and Miley Ray Cyrus would run away together and never be seen or heard from again.

Now something in the spirit of big boobs sticking up on a 45 degree angle!

dirty ditties - every doggerel has it's day

Some people wonder what's gotten into celebrities today. I think that it's the age we live in. The whole sad sorry mess can probably summed up in the following little ditty!



So you real can't blame the Biebs for being as rotten little jerk when thing are rotten, like the song says! Even a Robin Hood might fall victim to his own vanity.



So when other legends are forgotten, just remember back when things were rotten. It's a Wondertrash thing!

Elizabeth Taylor Remembered

What can you say about one of Hollywood's legends, except here she is!



They don't make 'em like her anymore.

O.J. Simpson - the next chapter

Followers of the OJ Simpson story will be aware that justice - or something - finally caught up with the Juice. OJ was accused of killing his ex wife and her alleged lover, and that played out in a huge trial about 15 years back. It became a reality TV spectacle of shifty defense attorneys, incompetent prosecutors, and crooked cops. Designer accessories like Bruno Magli shoes became court exhibits. So it was a real LA deal. In the end the leading man went free.

pulp fiction

Since this was TV and not the movies, the public was unhappy with the outcome. So the scenario either needed a one armed man, or a 'to be continued' format. Since the Juice couldn't come up with a plausible alternative to his guilt - and anyone who's ever watched TV from Perry Mason to Murder She Wrote realizes that the first step to proving your innocence when accused of a crime that could put you into the penalty box is to find some one else to blame and pin the thing on them! - That left the 'to be continued' option. So we waited for the Juice to get his comeuppance!

follow the money

For awhile it didn't look like that would ever happen. Ron Goldman got some measure of retribution by suing the Juice in civil court. He won a wrongful death settlement to the tune of $33 mill. However he and Nicole Brown's relatives began fighting amongst themselves for the loot - which left a bad taste in every one's mouth. Since it is forbidden by American civil law to use a law suit to financially ruin anyone, that left the Juice with his NFL pension as walking around money. While the Juice hit the links (pressure didn't spoil his game, the way it threw Tiger Woods off!) and hung out with floozies, spectators waited to see how long he could keep getting away with this.

The Juice would never make it to the end zone. The financial squeeze eventually caught up with OJ. He began selling shit to raise funds. The National Enquirer reported that he'd boxed up some of his prized possessions like crystal chandeliers & solid gold humidors - both to cheat Goldman out of collecting on them, and to have them ready for either quick resale or speedy shipment out of the country.

booze & bad company in Vegas

He also began selling sports memorabilia under the table, through a friend, to make ends meet. That's where the trouble ensued. The friend began double crossing OJ: selling the stuff and keeping the money for himself. So the Juice wanted to straighten things out - you know how important it is to see justice done. So while on a trip to Vegas for a friend's wedding (imagine getting married and having OJ show up as a guest!) the combo of booze and bad company set the wheels of karma - or whatever - in motion.

junk in a trunk

OJ was drunk at the bar and bitching about getting double crossed when a few drunken companions convinced him that he didn't have to put up with that. After all he was The Juice and wasn't anyone to be trifled with. So the drunken trio some how got a gun (not surprising - it was in Vegas) and made their way across town to where OJ's treacherous friend was selling his junk out of a motel room. The next thing OJ was waving a gun at the guy and demanding his money while some one - we know not whom - was calling the cops. Much of what transpired got recorded via cell phone, and replayed on TV. Worse still it was replayed at OJ's kidnapping armed robbery trial.

looking for a jail with room for media baggage

Now the whole thing may have smelled of a set up, but OJ followed along. Plus the evidence was stacked up high this time. So OJ had to go down on 12 or 13 charges. He got a 33 years sentence, which makes you think that he was being sentenced for something else other than a fight over sports cards. Upshot was that The Juice was finally gonna start serving some serious jail time (unlike Lindsay Lohan). The only question was where to put him? Though prospective jailers insisted that in their institution OJ would be treated like any other prison, the fact was that he wasn't. He'd be coming with a huge amount of media baggage. So now the problem was where to put him.

the Juice gets Lovelocked

OJ was originally sent to High Desert State Prison in Southern Nevada, for further assessment. While there he was a model prisoner. So that ruled out hard ass prisons. eventually authorities decided on Lovelock outside of Reno. Lovelock is known as a cream puff facility housing mostly sex offenders and other assorted creeps. Lovelock is a low - medium security facility where prisoners are monitored electronically.

bitchslapped!

Even housed among diddlers and peeping toms OJ somehow managed to get himself in trouble. Reports are coming out that the Juice recently received a jail yard shit knocking! No less an authority than Janet Charleston herself is reporting that OJ took a viscous beating from some fellow inmates. According to the rumors Lovelock is filled with white racists, in addition to child molesters and underwear bandits! It was in this racially and sexually charged environment that the Juice went around boasting about all the white chicks he'd had. Then he went one better and said that after they had been with him they never wanted to do white guys again. Then again he was probably never gonna win friends & influence people in a situation like that anyway!

no press is bad press, but no news is good news

When prison skin heads heard about all this loose talk they decided OJ needed another comeuppance. So they laid in wait for the former Hall of Famer. Then as he left the exercise yard, about 9 of them jumped him. The Juice got such a brutal shit knocking that he had to spend 2 1/2 weeks in the prison infirmary. Though it should be said that about 2 of those weeks were just to keep him away from the other cons. Also it's kind of an embarrassment to the prison - no OJ news could do them any credit- so they wanted to keep it hush hush.

Minimum security - so extra security is gonna cost ya!

You should be glad to hear that the situation is currently under control. Though the Juice is loose - within the electronically monitored confines of his min security facility, he is well protected. He's paying some of his fellow inmates to do body guard duty for him! Since he's probably scared now, they can soak him for plenty, too! So I guess that only leaves us with the question "What next?"

PS Today is Valentine's Day, or VD, and Wondertrash hasn't forgotten about that. So here's a little video treat to take the edge off of the occasion by reminding you that love can be wonderful!

Here We Go Again

same old story, same old song & dance

Jude Law & Sienna Miller are a stormy old story. They began together back at the turn of the century - when Jude was still with the mother of a few of his biological children (there have been more since though it's hard to keep track exactly). That spark a kind of an outrage but Sienna insisted that what she did she did for love, and there's nothing wrong with that. So they were cut some slack. That is until handsome Jude two timed Sienna with his kids' nanny. Miller went around moaning and weeping to the media about how her adulterous love had been betrayed. She also soaked up more than her share of sympathy at Jude's expense. Since Jude was the heavy in the piece supporting Sienna was a way of blaming him: pro vs con. When will we learn - both sides might be bad!



So while Jude disappeared into obscurity, Sienna went on to cash in by playing prestige roles - the kind that require British accents. She did a bunch of costume period pieces and while none of them were ever Box Office No 1's, they got her the rep of a good actress and the established career that came with it.

Sienna keeps busy on the rebound

I guess that getting away with it must've gone right to Sienna's little blond head, because the more successful she got the less sympathetic her antics became. She bounced back from Jude and into the arms of a series of married men. I won't say that she's gone through other people's relationships like a cannon ball through a China shop; but she has probably ruined almost as many marriages as Facebook. In fact wrecking marriages seemed to be almost some kind of game to her. No sooner was one relationship kaput then she'd drop the dude and look for fresh fields to blight. The last marriage she torpedoed was Balazathar Getty's. Getty had the double advantage of being a regularly employee actor, but an heir to the Getty Oil Fortune (those Gettys). So Sienna had to have him. She made no secret of it either as the pair were photographed in any number of friendly positions.

corpus delicti & modus operandus

By now the public was getting tired of her. She was regularly referred to as Sienna the slut & Sienna the Homewrecker (If Chelsea Handler thinks that Angelina Jolie is a homewrecking whore then she'd better never be in the same room with Sienna Miller). Her flat in London got slut spray painted on it. Worse still her colleagues were even more sick of her than the public. She got kicked off of Sherwood for allegedly making a play for Russ Crowe. It would be good for her career, get her in the headlines, plus it's just her usual modus operandi. Russ showed he was more than a pretty face and told her to fuck the hell off. Then he had her fired. She got pissy and made the kind of trouble that wears out your welcome in Hollywood.

When Sienna got pissy she started making up stories concerning her firing. When an A List actress bails on a major production naturally people are gonna ask questions. So Sienna had some answers for them. For one thing she said that she wasn't fired, she quit, she said. If you don't believe that an ambitious girl like Sienna would walk off an A List movie she had an explanation for that too. According to Sienna the movie was unbelievable because Russ Crowe was so fat no one would ever believe that a beautiful girl like Sienna could be in love with him. Then the Sherwood stills came out showing Russ leaner than he was in Gladiator. So people knew Sienna was making up stupid lies to cover herself and make herself look good!

Sienna gets insubordinate

In Hollywood that sin might've been forgivable. How ever Sienna had to follow that by going a bridge too far. She floated a rumor that the project was in trouble because Russ Crowe was trying to get his best friendly Ridley Scott replaced as director. 2 things you need to know about this: 1 actors will form working relationships with directors, like Johnny Depp and Tim Burton. This director will always put them in their work, so it assures an actors career when Super Director will only work with him in a project. Since you owe your career to the guy crossing him would be career suicide.

foxy bitches

The second thing is that directors are one rung up the food chain from actors on the Hollywood food chain. When an actor and director cross, the director wins and the actor doesn't work anymore. Remember when Megan Fox was the hottest young actress in Hollywood. Then she called Transformers 2 stupid (or maybe she was referring to Wonder Woman, and called T2 "lame"). Anyway Michael Bay took exception, He then went on to make a public statement reminding Megan that he'd made her what she is, and questioning her appreciation for that. Megan got nervous and at an awards presentation shortly afterward made a point of telling the world how grateful she was for her Hollywood career, regardless of what else she'd been saying before. It was too late, the damage was done; and now Transformers 3 is rolling out with out Megan.

I bring up Megan as an example of the price paid for defying the pecking order in show business. While Megan merely ran off at the mouth, Sienna's stunt was truly shitty. It was something that neither Crowe or Scott was likely to forget. So her next film was GI Joe. Though Miller said that she was happy to do a film people actually enjoyed for a change - there was no talk about her featuring in any sequels. So her next stop was Broadway. Though Broadway used to be the bog deal in American Drama, back in the days of theater; Andrew Lloyd Weber has killed that. Now it's some where desperate actors land when they're looking for something to break their fall. Worse for her, once her show was clued up there was no word on any furture bookings.

success equals sequels

Though the future was bleak for Sienna thing were looking oup for her former lover Jude Law. He'd over come a few major scandals - like knocking up an American model and knocking out a female tab reporter in Brit - largely through the anti Sienna backlash. Since she was such a rabid slut, Jude couldn't have been completely at fault. That got him a measure of redemption which allowed him to regain a portion of his career. he got some screen work again, and was fortunately cast as Dr Watson alongside Robert Downey as Sherlock Holmes. That was fortunate because Robb Downey was now Ironman, Ironman was a hot, and the studios would let Doweny do other stuff as long as he kept doing Iroman. So the Sherlock Holmes project was good for one or two sequels. That meant Law was back on the high way and headed to the fast lane again.

So with things looking up for Law, there were now certain career opportunities for Sienna. Opportunities of the kind that the girl friends of working Hollywood actors might have access to. So naturally she made a play at her old boyfriend. Naturally enough Sienna went back after Law, and astonishingly he took her back. While the world asked "WTF is Law thinking?", Sienna happily anticipated her return to motion picture work, once her grand strategy of sleeping her way into Hollywood paid off. After all, she wouldn't be the first chick who made in that towen on her back (though she'd have been one of the few to make it back. Once you fuck up that bad you don't get in no matter how sexy a fuck you are, even if you're Sean Young!).



Maybe the world should've asked "How long will it last this time?" If that had been the question then we'd have our answer already. Seems that, and in spite of announcements about impending nuptials and non legally binding Buddhist commitment ceremonies; the couple have once again called it quits. A statement from Jude and Sienna's respective reps was issued earlier confirming that the couple were no longer a couple. In fact that's what Law's rep told People mag earlier - so its' official. Jude's rep said “I can confirm that Jude Law and Sienna Miller are no longer in a relationship. It is mutual and amicable and they are still friends,” a friend told the mag, adding, “It was an entirely an end-of-the relationship decision. It had run its course.”

So where does that leave us? It was a mutual split, like last time. It was also amicable, like last time. There was no talk about Jude's cheating, but there will be when Sienna resorts to her usual behavior, like last time. Jude will continue to hover around Hollywood as a B Lister supporting actor with potential, like before. Sienna will probably continue to make herself unwelcome where ever she goes, like she always does. If this whole sad sorry mess proves anything it's that some people don't learn from their mistakes. So don't be too surprised if they eventually get back together again, for another stab at things before another break up. So we'll be hearing more aboutt hem again, Which is a pity. Just because some people don't learn from their mistakes is no reason why the rest of us should go on hearing about it!

Xtina Fucks It Up

Star Spangled Bungle

There are certain big events in American Culture, and among those the Superbowl is the very biggest. It's so big that even the commercials are events .Well they should be. Some one once calculated that out of a 4 1/3 hours Superbowl broadcast there was only about 11 mins of actual playtime. The rest went to pre show, half time show, post show, commentary, and reams of ads. The ads are so important that they get promoted themselves for about 2 weeks prior to the game - in what amounts to advertising for commercials. Then after the show's done, viewers can go online and vote for their favorite Superbowl ad in what amounts to an online focus group!

"She was the only high profile performer we could get who didn't need to lip synch"

Now when an event is that big, being asked to kick things off as an opening act is an honor, and something that you don't want to mess up. That's why Superbowl organizers asked Christina Aguilera to sing the national anthem, and start the ball rolling. After all, Christina is a talented & charismatic young woman, and she knows a thing or two about not messing up - well compared to her erstwhile rivals Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson anyway. Of course there was her sex tape, and a few other minor career glitches along the way; so in retrospect this has to be one of those "What were they thinking?" situations.

she got the idea from the Simpsons

I say it's clear in hindsight that this was a bad idea because now everyone knows what a shit awful job Christina made of the Star Spangled Banner. She could have gone out and done a low key pro job that everyone would've appreciated. It is the Superbowl so everyone is eager to move onto the main event. However her highness had to turn it into the Christina Aguilera show by showing her full vocal range. Show her full vocal range meant balling and screeching like a cat in heat, or like Bleeding Gums Murphy when he sang the National Anthem for the Springfield Isotopes on an episode of the Simpsons!

jib jabbing and ad libbing

Apart from chewing up the scenery Christina made another notable blunder - she fucked up the words. When Xtina got to the part that was supposed to go "o'er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming", Xtina sang "what so proudly we watched, at the twilight's last reaming". Now we can only hope that was an innocent blunder - of the kind that have become more common as the American Public School system sips farther; and not Xtina's idea of an edgy ad lib. However ad libbing would be consistent with the rest of her over the top performance. She not so much performed the anthem as much as she used it to try and hijack the Superbowl!

... and they say that there's no such thing as bad publicity

So Christina got her moment and made a spectacle of herself. The upshot is that she did get talked about the next day. She got even more coverage than the actual game - which must have been the idea when she tried making a meal out of the anthem like that. Of course it's not the kind of attention she might have wanted, since her American Idol routine wasn't appreciated. This kind of attention is more like Ricky Gervais after the Golden Globes. The difference being that there's no good side to this. Even Christina is a little defensive about the incident - as she took to twitter to lash out at her critics:

Christina says "Fuck Off"

this isn't the worst thing that ever happened at a Superbowl

That attitude isn't going to help her. Why not try looking on the bright side? She did make a big day even bigger, in an epic fail sort of way. Also her National Anthem performance has probably gone viral on youtube hours ago, and that's' gotta count for something. Finally she's not the first celebrity to make an ass out of herself at the Superbowl. Remember when Justin Timberlake went a little too far in bringing sexy back with Janet Jackson?



The main thing is that Justin recovered from that - mainly by not talking about it or bringing it up ever again. So let's not blow everything out of proportion. Celebs like attention so sometimes that can go a little nuts when the spotlight hits them. So not only is Christina not the first Superbowl blow out - she won't be the last. In fact some of us are already trying to guess who next year's hi profile potential fuck up might be. Word of advice to who ever that is - use a teleprompter, tape it ahead of time if you can, and whatever you do don't over do it. Remember the Superbowl isn't about you.

PS. Christina has gotten around to an official response. It's a little more tactful than her Twitter "Fuck Off" too. Aguilera was quoted in US Magazine just recently, and by recently I mean minutes ago, saying that she only got fucked up on the anthem because she was carried away (Though some others are saying that she was half in the bag. Some comment is being made about how her voice is starting to go too, like Whitney Houston's, so the inference can be made that she's riding the rehab railroad all the way to rock bottom!).

She wasn't carried away with herself either - despite what many may think - but was full of a patriotic frenzy! Says Christie - "I got so caught up in the moment of the song that I lost my place," says the star. "I can only hope that everyone could feel my love for this country and that the true spirit of its anthem still came through."

She must have got caught up in the moment of her excuse too, because the girl goes on to say, in the very same statement to US, that "I have been performing the anthem since I was seven years old and I must say the Super Bowl is a dream come true...I am really excited to be part of such an iconic event." So she's been performing the anthem since 7 and still couldn't get it right - that's just adding insult to injury!

The Lost Kennedys

Katie Holmes started life as America's Sweetheart back on beloved teen opera Dawson's Creek. Back then everyone knew she had a lot of potential but we had no idea where that would take. Let's face it, the potential most had in mind is what they potentially might do with her if America's favorite hot girl next door potentially moved in next door to them!

Dawson's ended, and Katie kind of faded out. That was after a short lived stab at a motion picture break through. She did something called First Daughter where she played the President's headstrong yougin' and made herself busy rebelling against curfews and lower skirt hems. Katie might have been too sweet & fresh faced to make a plausible Amy Carter - so the flick never went anywhere. You occasionally see it in the Wal-Mart DVD'sfor 1$ clearance bins, but hat's about the only place. Meanwhile the America's Sweetheart role was filled by the wilder crazier Mischa Barton!

Now usually when some one goes down the route to obscurity there's no coming back. Not until they fuck up, rob a liquor store, and wind up in rehab. So it seemed like the next time we herd about Fair Katie would be in some heart breaking but compelling absurd "Where Are they Now" spot on some entertainment TV magazine; in which she's gotten busted as a drug mule coming up from Mexico, or had fallen on hard times and started making ends meet in the adult film industry. However Katie landed on her feet, instead of on hard times. She also landed on Tom Cruise.

Now there's no need to exhaustively go over the rumors about their hook up and allegedly love live; except to say on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Kate swore that Tom was the love of her life, and admitted that she couldn't remember exactly how she met Tom. That may have been the same episode where she revealed that she's been molested by a friendly dolphin while adventure tripping with Top Gun down under. If I were her sig other I'd hate to think that some dolphin was more memorable than the day we met face to face!

The reason she couldn't recall when put on the spot might have something to do with the rumors about how they actually met. According to some inside sources, Tom went trolling around for a new missus after things hit the fan with Nicole Kidman. He tried Penelope Cruz for a while, but that didn't work out. Penny was too Catholic - and he'd been down that road with Nix before. So he held a cattle call.

Word was put out that there was a big audition for some part in the next Cruise movie and every one who wanted to be any one, again or for the very first time. lined up like Cinderella's sticking out their hooves for the Golden Slipper. Scarlett Johansson claims she'd showed up thinking it was a legit casting call. When she got to the hotel suite she found Scientology pamphlets strewn around everywhere and the room temp up to approaching 100! She got creeped and left. Lucky she didn't hear those subliminal tapes playing just below the threshold of conscious hearing or she might really have freaked!

So Tom missed out on Scarlet. He missed out on Jessica Alba, and at least one other in his top three. When he got to # 4 he found she was just right, like Goldie Locks. Her name was Katie Holmes. The rest is history, and youtube videos. The good news was that America's Cutiepie was back in the public etye, and we could go on enjoying her charms.

Since her husband was an A Lister of Mel Gibson caliber (yeah I'm being ironic) it looked like we'd have an opportunity to ogle Katie as much as we liked and in a variety of positions. She'd be doing a whole slew of films, right? Her high powered hubby would see to that. Except that Tom wasn't seeing to much, outside of image spin and damage control. Seems that the public didn't buy the whole "I like girls" routine. Note to Tom - it's more convincing if you cheat on your wife, rather than picking out her clothes; which are truly fabulous since you've taken the reigns might I say!

Tom did his best - you can't disappoint a young wife with stars in her eyes and high expectations. So something got arranged. She did something called Dirty Easy Money with Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah. Now that covered the angles; since Diane Keaton made the project respectable, and Latifah made it relevant. The thing tanked out: Diane was never heard from again, Latifah hosted the Emmy's, and Katie wound up somewhere in between - still married to Tom. After that the only truly interesting project to come out of their partnership was Starchild Suri Cruise.

Sometimes, when things look their darkest, something comes along. For Katie this came int he form of the History Channels The Kennedys. Though it was a cable TV project it offered Katie the Golden opportunity to play American Icon Jackie Kennedy. Jackie was one of the most stylish Americans ever, and well beloved by the country. So any actress who gets to play her has some of that gold dust rub off. Now you gotta know what Katie was thinking and that would have been something like "If any one can save my ass now it's Jackie Kennedy!". So, as Holmes has admitted, she poured her heart and soul in tot he role by "working really hard" at it. After all, the only other icon she'd had a shot at playing was Wonder Woman, and no one was having that. Wonder Woman's more of a Liv Tyler role for one thing!

Well Katie worked hard with high hopes for the future,a dn eventually the thing got completed. All that was left then was too sit back and wait for a bewildered nation of TV viewers to see her as Jackie Kennedy. If she could get the hair, clothes, hats, and accent down, with out screwing things up too badly, then no one would expect Shakespeare level acting from her. Evey one would be so impressed by seeing her as Jackie that her public image would be reinvented and her career reignited. Or so you would think.

As Katie should have come to expect ever since hitching her wagon to Tom's star - things are never that straight forward. In fact there was a hitch this time too. This time the hitch was that the whole project got canned. They had the whole thing completed and done - just waiting for someone to line up the feed and send it out on TV, and they still canceled it. So the world would never see Katie as Jackie, except in still from People Magazine. That's just not the same as seeing her sashay about with a nifty hat and the best Boston accent she can muster - "Jack, I just wanted to want you to stay away from Cliff & Normie, they're bad influences. No wait, damn it! I knew I shouldn't have prepared for this by watching old Cheers reruns!"

Never that is until now. It seems some of the clips are getting out. So for regular wondertrash readers here's Katie in the life of Jackie Kennedy!

The Kennedys | Barry Pepper | Greg Kinnear | Katie Holmes | Tom Wilkinson | Movie Trailer | Review

So there it is, and the world finally got a chance to see it. Look on the bright side Katie. maybe this thing could see the light of day, by being released directly to DVD. Just like Lindsay Lohan's last several projects. Don't knock it because the industry really does pay attention to those sales figures! So it might not be glamorous, but the money's honest!

Tila Tequila sex tape

Tila Tequila shows us her disturbing little snippet

Tila Tequila is a very ambitious personality in the entertainment related field. She also lives a very activie *ahem* social life. So it was only natural that we'd be seeing more of her. See more we do in the following disturbing little snippet. It show Miss Tila and an acquaintance gettin' it on. So if you want to have a gander at her goosy, put the kids to bed and lock the livestock in the shed, then proceed at your own risk.

I think that was more 'entertainment related' then actually 'entertaining'.

Oh yeah and the unofficial story about this is that TT staged it her self and is now faking some official outrage through the usual channels - lawyers - but only to promote her home made porno project; which she hopes will hype her career by getting her back into the public eye. It worked for Kum Kim Kardashian didn't it?

BTW this is the first sex vid posted to Wondertrash and I'm so pleased that Miss Tila Tequila is my first! Although I think that thing may have given my computer a virus!!

Michael Lohan - "This is the big one"

Remember Michael Lohan? He's the nominal father of America's #1 rehabber Lindsay Lohan. Now being Lindsay's dad has it's pressures, what with trying to negotiate reality TV deals, selling his daughter's shit on EBay, and occasionally pretending to give a shit (poor Lindsay - her problems make so much sense when put in context). Looks like the pressure finally caught up with him because Father of the Year was whisked off to Hoag Hospital (that's Hoag with an a and not Hog - despite what you might expect) in Newport Beach for some angioplasty. Now for everyone who doubts that America has the best health care system in the world, the procedure was a complete success. It was so successful in fact that that Mikey was sent home the same day. That gave him a chance to stop into Jack in the Box to get something to eat (Michael was full of beans again, as he screamed out the guy on the drive through). After an ordeal you've got to keep your cholesterol, if not your strength, up.

Then again, by way of second opinion, Michael's chest pains may not have been a heart attack, but a Fred-attack.

Wonder Woman details released

comic economics

There's been a lot of talking about Wonder Woman over the past few years. That's largely because comic based entertainment related projects are a license to print money nowadays. Some of the top grossing all time earners in recent years have been projects like Spiderman 1-3, the X Men series - in which theatrical heavy weights like Sir Ian McKellan and Sir Patrick Stewart weren't too proud to appear in, and of course Ironman 1 & 2 , which brought back Robert Downey's career (hang in there Charlie Sheen). Even 3rd tier titles like ghost Rider - done by Nic Cage, turned a healthy profit. In other words to a decent comic cover and you're guaranteed a No 1 box office opening. If you're a professional actor and aspiring thespian they won't do you're career any harm either, unless you're Megan Fox. Come on and come of it Meggers - even Anne Hathaway wasn't too stuck up to take on Catwoman!

shady beginnings

Now among comic book characters few names are quite as big as Diana of Themyscira, also known as Wonder Woman! For those of you who don't know about her in detail, here's some basic facts: she was created by psych prof William Moulton Marston back while he was teaching at Vassar and perfecting the lie detector (that's right - Wonder Woman & the polygraph share a common paternity!). WMM wrote under the name Charles Moulton 'cause he didn't want it get around academic circles that he was writing comics on the side line. Not that there was any shame in comics, but back in the Moulton Marston days Wonder Woman verged on soft porn and was littered with BSMD. Wonder Woman was bound and gagged in almost every issue - that is when she wasn't being saddled, bridled & horse ridden, dangled upside down and tickled,or being subjected to countless other exotic tortures. In fact some of her erotic misadventures were so over the top that she eventually got parodied by cartoonist Eric Stanton in his soft porn series Blunder Broad!

bound to be free

Marston was an Ivy Leaguer, so in addition to subjecting Wonder Woman to frequent bondage, he also gave her a mythological pedigree. That allowed her to get respectable - once she wriggled out of her chains and spit out the gag. She was a member of the legendary race of Amazons - which WMM mistakenly identified as Greek, Amazons actually came from the north east of Greece and were closer to Serbo-Croatian or Ukrainian (think Milla Jovovich!) - and was on a first name basis with several gods and goddess. Comics loved this kind of literary credibility. So by the 1980's - in the age of Perez & Jiminenz, she reached a kind of Golden Age that many hard core fans still pine for. Marston's leggy legacy continues right up to today - helped largely by an alleged codicil in his will insisting that DC continue to publish Wonder Woman every year or lose their copyright claims on the character.

is Wonder Woman an easy score?

So what with the sudden rush for a easy score by covering comics it was only natural that sooner or later the powers that be would get around to Wonder Woman. She is that combo of pop culture icon and sheer sex appeal that made a star out of previously unknown Lynda Carter. That old series was beyond camp and yet continues to be a fan favorite in syndication. So if the right person could develop the project the right way, and especially find the right woman to fill those bright red boots, success, stardom, and a super pay day would be assured. Some, like Megan Fox, didn't want to be a star that way. Meggers called Wonder Woman lame, then continued to do dialogue with a talking space car called Bumblebee (Invisible Plane looks more plausible already). Other were eager for the part. Directors liked the idea too. So after a few false starts at the movie studios, Diana eventually landed on her feet @ NBC.

David Kelley, husband of Catwoman Michelle Pfeiffer and creator of Ally MacBeal, decided he liked the whole Wonder Woman idea. Furthermore he announced to the world that he was giving Wonder Woman an upgrade from the old cheesy Lynda Carter schtick and into a strong independent contemporary woman - just the type he likes. That sent everyone speculating about what exactly Kelley was gonna do to her - like redesign her costume, cut her hair, or God knows what other possibilities. Well for the nervous Nellies there's finally some good news. Kelley has completed a preliminary pilot script.

Though DK has tried to keep the whole script under wraps, Wonder Woman is a hard gal to keep wrapped up, for long anyway. So some of the salient details have leaked. For instance Wonder Woman 2.0 is gonna be a high powered LA executive who fights crime in her spare time. Story followers will have gathered that much. What you might not be aware of is that her executive position is as Diana Themyscira, head of Themyscira Industries. So like Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne, Wonder Woman now has her own multinational organization! Diana Themyscira is her Wonder Woman alter ego - and everyone knows that one is also the other. When she's not either of those she pulls her long glossy blue black hair up in a bun, dons some sexy Sarah Palin style specs and sneaks around as Diana Prince. No one knows that Diana Prince is Wonder Woman, except for possibly her arch enemy.

Every super hero needs an enemy and in this case Wonder Woman's rival is going to be Veronica Cale. Fans will remember Ronnie from back in the day. This time she's been revived as a sort of mad scientist and rogue bitch with a stick up her ass bee up her bonnet about Diana. Some other old acquaintances will be back to like Etta Candy in a supporting role. She won't be best friend, since the side kick role goes to Mindy Mayer. Diana & Mindy will get together for girlie sleep over where they eat cheese cake and sing power pop ballads - no kidding(songs in the script are: One Way or Another by Blondie; Wonder of You by Jeffrey McDonald; Golddigger by Kanye West; Bad Romance by Lady Gaga; Last of the American Girls and Extraordinary Girl by Green Day; Pepinot by Les Choristes; I Only Know How to Love by Christina Aguilera)! Steve Trevor will be back. He still is the guy who discovered Themyscira and brought Diana back to civilization, but that's where it ends. In this version he's the ex who dropped Diana after using his charms to sooth the savage breast.

GIFSoup

brand new spin on the same likable gal

Now before you say "WTF?" there's something you've got to know. This new spin on Wonder Woman is deliberate. It's been planned a as a goofy comedy-drama. So there's gonna be a lot of tongue in cheek. It's about damned time too. The best comic characters always incorporate humor. In his Olden Golden Days Superman was practically a sit com, until he devolved into icon status (with mistaken identity, silly disguises, and comic predicaments - you can see how Supes became Jerry Seinfeld's inspiration. Plenty of us wish that Kal El would get his funny bone back, too). Diana always lent herself to parody too - but he undeniable humor was never really explored in the comic - except perhaps during the Taco Whiz period. Diana has broken away from her soft porn bondage origins; giving her some humor might allow her to take the next step in her development; from stuffy icon spouting preachy slogans to someone more rounded, human, and ultimately enjoyable. I certainly look forward to enjoying Diana!

speaking of the soundtrack