"DWTS" Says Goodbye to Kate Gosselin

All My Children

It's very rarely that there's any genuine good news to post about celebrities, but today's the day. The good news is about celebrity turbo womb Kate Gosselin. She's finally gotten axed from Dancing With the Stars! It must be a great relief to be able to get back to the children who mean so much to her!

search for tomorrow

Kate had hung on for weeks despite poor performances, and antagonizing her dance partner to tears. Meanwhile her sleazoid hubby Jon claimed that all the time away on the dance floor and hobnobbing it with the likes of Pam Anderson made Kate an even more unfit mom. I guess he was concerned about who was minding the kids. Kate insisted that she needed her DWTS gig to feed her numerous brood - you can't feed 8 kids working @ McDonald's. Besides they would be safe with their 3 or 4 nannies while Kate doing her thing. (Now you don't hear Octomom complaining about supporting her children, and she logs in 4 hours at the gym 3 or 4 times a week!)

meanwhile, in another world

That lead to Jon threatening to sue for custody. That option had a lot of wins for Jon: he could stop paying child support (since Kate has to do DWTS I guess that Jon isn't very supportive), and he could claim child support from her. He could probably even land a few TV spots and paydays himself. No one wants it to come to that!

Edge of fright

That brings us to last night. Kate was going head to head with Polyethylene Pam. Pam pulled out all the stops too. Kate might have eight mouths to feed, but Pam has 2 giant breasts to support. Plus she's under a mountain of debt. Pam, showing her usually image savvy, dolled herself up like Dolly Parton. Meanwhile Kate lumbered around the dance floor like she was on Valinumb! She probably couldn't take her mind off of her 8 kids watching their mom on TV. Upshot was that Kate lost.

As the stomach turns

That lead to some waterworks from Mean Momma Kate. Those who thought that they'd never see her cry must've been shocked. As tears flowed fearly, Kate thanked everyone she worked with, the dance partner she antagonized to a near breakdown (he must be happy that the ordeal is over), and everyone who provided her with such an amazing opportunity. Who knew that Kate could wear her heart on her sleeve like that, or that she even had one - a heart I mean. She can afford good sleeves. She could probably afford a heart too, but she opted for the tummy tuck. At least she didn't start on about the kids being disappointed because they won't be seeing her on DWTS next week. They see her so seldom as it is!



At least her mascara didn't start running, 'cause that would've been too much!