Pyramid power & culture clutter
With Nic Cage going even further off his unstable head recently, and building a monument to debt and a defunct career - namely the 9 foot pyramid shaped mausoleum that he recently build; I couldn't help wondering if there might be something to his crazy ideas. It seems that the whole idea of walling the dead up in huge escape proof fortresses is a 5000 year old idea.
Egomania and the mathematics of cultural impact
The idea began in ancient Egypt. The pharaohs were kings who were worshiped as gods during their own lifetimes. Think of them as Elvis Presely x Michael Jackson to the power of Brangelina! They were the like Tyrannosaurus Rex among their race.
as good as dead
Naturally when these bastards died the people wanted to make sure that they stayed dead. Their heirs wanted to make sure even more. So an elaborate disemboweling and mummification process was carried out just to make sure. Then, in case there was a glimmer of life life in them, the ex pharaohs' were then bound & gagged tight from head to foot in thick swabs. That ought'a hold them! If it didn't then they were then walled up in one of these giant pyramids. The insides were nearly unnegotiable labyrinths, and the doors were hidden so that the vengeful prisoner might not find his way out. Short of sending them to a far off corner of the galaxy and then obliterating them with H bombs, it's an excellent way of dealing with troublesome people.
Pop-sicles and god complexes
Ancient pharaohs were much like our modern celebrities. So I think we can relate to what terrors the ancient Egyptians must have felt, and also their desire to make sure that when the beast was dead, it stayed that way. Our modern celebrities are a great burden to our culture. They demand stacks of cash, constant and universal attention, and feel entitled to share a piece of their mind on any subject of which they unqualified to talk and without warning. Worse still, faced with the prospect of eventual death they've tried everything they could think of to short circuit the natural processes. They get surgery, hormone injections, meditate, take pills, take vitamins, stop eating meat, sleep in hyperbaric chambers, and arrange to be preserved in liquid nitrogen, like celebsicles. In other words they want to grace us with their presence indefinitely, if not longer. When some do finally shuffle off the mortal coil, usually long after out staying their welcome, they come back to haunt us in TV syndication, or in commercials!
pyramid scheme
So if Nic Cage wants to by buried in a 9 foot pyramid, I say excellent. In fact why not make it a 25 to 50 foot pyramid. Better to be safe then sorry, and especially when celebrities are involved. This might even become a possible business enterprise for some altruistic minded soul who wants to make a lot of money and a positive difference for the human race. They - whomever that person might be, could go into business selling pyramid designed burial traps to celebrities. It should be something completely escape proof, so that the world need never fear about being terrorized by these demon driven personalities once they have parted way with the material plane. With that in mind here's a little video on the theory behind pyramids. Enjoy!
