Celebrities can have fits of bad judgment. This is especially true if the poor wretches are former child stars. Among child stars names like Danny Bonaduce usually get the bad ink. Danny's Partridge Family co stars have have kept their noses clean - with the exception of Susan Dey and her battle with anorexia. That is until now. Reports are coming in that another member of the musical TV clan has gotten into some legal trouble and this time it's - wait for it - David Cassidy.
Cassidy played the oldest son and lead singer on the early 70's hit show. He was also one of the original TV teen heart throbs, along with Ricky Nelson and Bobby Goldsboro. He was fairly well connected too. Shirley Jones who played his mom on the show was also his step mother in real life. She was married to Dave's dad - star of stage screen and TV Jack Cassidy. His mother is Evelyn Ward. Since both parents were performers they toured constantly. So Dave was raised by his grandmother in New Jersey. His relationship to his parents can't be called close - they were divorced for 2 years before David found out!
Life was to improve when David entered the family business. As Keith Partridge he became one of the most popular TV performers in the 1970's. That's the show that also gave us Danny B and Susan Dey. After the show went off of the air Cassidy's career moved into low gear. He did some live Vegas style performances. He also briefly volunteered to be former co star Danny Bonaduce's sobriety coach. Neither of these projects blossomed into long term career options.
David got by. He continued to perform. He wrote an autobiography. He married a slew of attractive woman and fathered several children. He continued to speak fondly of co star Susan Dey, whom he said had a massive crush on him but wasn't slutty enough for his tastes. Not surprisingly communications between the former co stars broke down - "on her end not mine" Cassidy reports. Oh yeah, and he also recently got busted for DUI!
David was careening around the Florida turnpike in his White Mercedes Wednesday even - and by careening I meant hat he was all over the road - when some friendly officers pulled him over and inquired into his condition. Since Dave had a little trouble standing up without swaying from side to side, the officers administered field sobriety tests. That lead to Keith Partridge being hauled off to the can! It also lead to the latest celebrity mug shot!
Dave registered a 1.41 on the breathalyzer (having once blown a 1.55 I can tell you that's a lot of drinking! Now that's a story, but since I'm not a celebrity it gets to stay secret.). DAve copped to a drink at diner, plus he said he popped a hydrocodone - which might have made him seem moer drunk than he was. The officers found a half empty bottle of Labrot Graham Woodford Reserve Kentucky Bourbon in the back seat, and that made them suspect that Cassidy was way more drunk than he was willing to let on. So that meant that Dave had to spend some time on their company. Up until 3 AM when he was released on $350 bail, that is.
Not surprisingly Dave takes issue with the official story. Well his PR rep Jo-Ann Geffen is. According to her his side is that Dave was not drunk. For one thing Dave, via his mouthpiece, claims that officers screwed up the breathalyzer - so the results are not valid. At least he didn't claim that Mark Furhman was administering the test (though Fuhrman might well have been. I can't imagine that his career went anywhere but down after his own brush with fame). Dave also insists that he wasn't 100% that day. he'd attended a funeral that morning. So the poor fellow was worn out. Now he does cop to taking a glass of wine, and the hydrocodone. His back was out (that excuse again) and he needed to do something about the pain. However he was not swinging down bourbon behind the wheel like some good ole boy on his way to a NASCAR day at the races. Dave insists that he would never endanger fellow motorists in that way! The up shot of that is that at least he knows why what he allegedly did was wrong - which puts him light years ahead of your average celebrity offended (Nick Hogan for instance). That's good, since it means the situation isn't serious enough for a Partridge Family Celebrity Rehab Reunion!
Tom Cruise & the Legion of Superheroes!
IN other news: last night's election results may have shaken many Americans - the ones @ MSNBC anyway (Hang in there Contessa Brewer), but never fear. Help is open the way because Tom Cruise has a plan. The former A List actor recently announced that he is going to end the war on terror by converting Al Qaidaist from backward Islam to enlightened Scientology. Once the auditing kicks in then they're bound to see the error of their ways, and understand that the real enemy isn't Wall Street Bankers, British Petroleum (they're part of the Illuminati!), or the Rove-Cheney Gang; but Xenu and the minions of darkness! Here's apicture of Tom cavorting with a cause! You have to admire Tom's attempt to find a peaceful resolution to this difficult situation. Hopefully, with greater awareness, differences can be worked out, and an optimal resolution reached. If not, Tom has a Plan B - and that involves ass whipping Mission Impossible style. To that end he has Jessica Alba on stand by and in a cat suit!
Jessica normally doesn't prowl the streets of LA dressed like Catwoman, but Tom has her on speed dial and the call could come at any moment. So she has to be ready to swing into action at a moment's notice. It's reassuring to know that we can rest securely since celebrities are on the job. I just hope that Tom and Jessica haven't hired Keith Partridge as their wheel man in this caper!
Yesterday's post covered the sad strange tale of Randy and Evi Quaid. They are the former B List entertainers who ran afoul of a Hollywood business cult called the Starwhackers, and wound up having to run to Canada to seek political asylum, and to speak out freely on organized crime in Hollywood. It's sounds funny when you put it that way. That's probably why everyone laughed about it. Though people laughed, they couldn't help paying attention. The tale just kept getting weirder with accusations that starwhackers in suits had killed Heath Ledger and others for the bottom line. They even produced a hit list of names like Britney Spears (currently being black mailed by her bodyguard) and Lindsay Lohan (currently being held against her will in rehab, but being charged with the bill for treatment!). People laughed, but we also believed Balloon Boy's dad, and that chick who splashed her own face with acid outside Starbuck's and then claimed a black woman attacked her.
running a shit treadmill - not literally, figuratively!
Since people didn't believe a word of this, and since the Quaids kept on talking and talking and talking about it; their credibility kept tumbling farther and farther down the toilet. That's bad since the Quaids allegedly owe a lot of money, and are gonna owe even more in legal fees. Randy last worked seriously in Brokeback Mountain, but turned around and sued the producers for a bigger piece of the action when the film did better than expected. Perhaps that's when he first antagonized the Starwhackers. Short answer is that with nothing coming in and plenty going out Randy is gonna need some kind of good paying work lined up and soon. However with his current image troubles the only plausible line they could get into would be reality TV. "On The Lam" with Randy and Evi Quaid - think of it like Dog the Bounty Hunter but from the other side of the looking glass.
IN Hollywood you can recover from anything - even TV!
Still you can't count anyone out. About 5 years or so ago Robert Downey Jr was considered a done deal. Like many troubled performers of today, Downey's then substance issues left him unreliable and unemployable. This even though the talented actor had earned an Oscar nomination for his brilliant work in Chaplin. A brief stint on Alley McBeal didn't help his creditability either; since for a former A List movie star to resort to TV is the equivalent of hitting the skids! "I sold the mansion, I asked friends for money, and God help me I even took some TV work!" - "Oh my! I had no idea that things were that bad!" Yet that was back in the days when Tom Cruise was the #1 action hero and Mel Gibson was Hollywood's most beloved leading man. A lot can change in a relatively short time!
'Burned, goddamned wonga-wonga'
Some times things don't change in any time. In fact the remain more the same than ever and yet things turn out OK (a thought on tonight's American elections?). This would be the case with Charlie Sheen. Now Sheen has had so many brushes with serious trouble that it's a wonder how he managed to stay off of the Starwhackers' celebrity hit lists. In fact far from being on nay hit lists Charlie is so waterproof that you'd think he made a deal with darkness or something.
bad trips and strange bedfellows
Charlie has had a long history of booze, pills, hookers loose women of ill fame, and brushes with the law. His split with ex Denise Richards was one of the ugliest that Hollywood had seen, and it's seen some doozies! They have since made up but now Charlie has gone on to divorce his current Brooke Mueller. IN fact Charlie had violated his probation from a previous incident with Mueller (The Christmas Day Knife Fight) - with 8 days left - during his current misadventure.
laughing all the way to the nut house
That misadventure occurred while Sheen was out for a date with his ex and the two kids. Being Charlie Sheen he invited a hooker/porn star to meet him during this family time. Not that Charlie let the worlds collide in some seamy mess. He took the hooker to the Plaza Hotel for some fun time. Fun time included booze, drugs, a flip out, $7000 in damage to the hotel room, a trip in a police car, and a detention in a psych ward. Oh yeah, and he also violated his probation with 8 days left on the clock - as previously mentioned!
So you'd think that Charlie's goose was nuked by now. Well if that's what you're thinking then you can stop. Charlie is out of the nut house, complete with supportive words of confidence from Denise Richards "Charlie's one in a million, who makes 20 million a year!" What's more he's back on the set of his hit TV series Two and a Half Men!
winning the numbers game
Now if that sounds amazing then just stop to think about it. Last week, when Charlie's personal life went into full tilt, his TV show registered a 13. 6 million viewers, which is an increase of 7% in that very important 18-49 male demographic! What does that statistical gobbledygook mean in plain English? Last year it meant $155.1 million in ad revenue for CBS, and it also made Charlie Sheen the highest paid actor on TV.
Charlie has standards "I'm no Andy Dick!"
So as long as Charlie can keep the number up he can flip out as much as he likes. Just as long as no one gets hurt. Or if anyone does get hurt that they were asking for it. The industry does have standards, in a Dexter sort of way. I just hope that Randy & Evi Quaid can live with that. If they can then they might have a professional future. If they can really get with it then they could have a professional future well after their personal future runs out! That's fame for ya baby!
BTW anyone really can make a come back in Hollywood. Remember when Lynda Carter did Wonder Woman back in the 70's? Well not only did Lynda make a tremendous comeback from alcoholism and scandal (her husband was implicated in the BCCI banking scandal back in the 80-'s along with his law partner Clark Clifford. Some of you might have heard of that guy but to brief the rest, he was the guy who ran the Democratic Party back in the days when Sen Joseph Kennedy used to call him "sir"), but Wonder Woman is poised to make a come back too.
Over 30 years since a live action Wonder Woman series first came to TV producer David E Kelley - creator of Ally McBeal (Calista Flockhart owes him so much; she wouldn't have Harrison Ford without him!) plans to bring the comic book warrior princess back tot he small screen. He announced the intention a few months back. Now there's even a name associated with the part - Tanit Pheoenix. She's a South African model that isn't half bad looking, but no Wonder Woman. Never mind, the rumours help build interest in the project. While it gains more and more support Kelley can go on to find some one better suited to the part, like Julia Voth!
The Gawker has caught everyone's attention with a salacious bit of tittle tattle posted earlier today. According to their blind gossip item a major celebrity - barely an A Lister in their words - is a very sick customer. When they say sick they mean well beyond the usual Hollywood standards. This guy isn't just content with anal sex, or to crap in chicks' mouths, like the rest of those Walk of Fame perverts. This guy's into a whole other ball of wax!
Don't take my word for it. The exact piece posted went like this:
He calls his mates "mom" and sucks his thumb after sex. This famous ladies' man's girlfriend got knocked up to snag him and this pregnant celeb is having a test tube baby. Everyone has mommy issues!
1. "According to an ex-girlfriend of this A list movie actor (barely A list by the way), our actor likes to call the person he is having sex with, "mom" and also sucks his thumb after sex. Can you say disturbing?" [CDaN]
Man that's some awful stuff! Though we might have expected this kind of stuff from Ronald & Nancy Reagan, we expect something more dangerous and exotic from our professional actors! Strangely not many people are asking who it could be. It's as if folks already have some pretty strong ideas about who the Hollywood Mama's Boy might be. Now Hollywood is spoiled for choice when it comes to selecting among deviants, however there's just one name that shoots ahead of the rest when it comes to these sort of shenanigans.
The name of course is David Arquette and he was vocal on Howard Stern'sSirius Radio about the mommy angle in his Courtney Cox relationship. He told Howie that Courts dumped him because she was tired of being his "Mommy". Now we all took that to be figurative. You know the sort of thing; Dave was an immature and irresponsible oaf - like Homer Simpson - and Courts got tired of playing Marge. However as the following CNN video confirms, he did cry after sex.
No wonder Courtney dumped his sissy ass! That must've just gotten way too creepy after awhile. That's so far beyond creepy that waking up post coitus on Dexter's dissection table would be a relief in comparison to the crying and thumb sucking. Many people cry after sex, and even during and before. Also sucking is not an unknown occurrence. However what if this points to some kind of deeper issue. There's a very short step from crying to thumb sucking. So could Mr. Arquette by the Gawker Mystery Weenie? Like we say here @ Wondertrash "celebrities are fucked up people!". I wonder if Dave made Courtney spank him during sex, and if this sis something he picked up off of Brit Celebs? I hear that they're all into that shit over there! Why couldn't he be into normal kinky stuff, like every other pervert not on a sex offenders' registry?
disclaimer: the following is written in conspiracy theory form, as a satire of ideas that are becoming more apparent in our society
News, views, and Jews!
Rick Sanchez used to be an on air personality with CNN. Nowadays he's hotter under the collar than George Dubya in a burqa. So what's got Rickie's hijab in a twist? Well Jon Stewart doesn't like him and only gets away with it because the media is controlled by Jews! That puts guys like him at a disadvantage. Guys like Sanchez, are in his words guys whose parents worked hard, who were never quite white enough ("white enough" is WASP as defined by the ruling secret Jewish kabal!), and who never had anything handed to him.
Didn't Carroll O Connor used to sing this song at the beginning of All In The Family?
Guys like Stewart, on the other hand, are guys from the college educated middle class. Their father's have degrees, while their mothers have part time jobs of choice that allow them to maintain their dignity and afford pretentious off season vacation packages. Their parents send them to prep schools where they wore penny loafers with dimes in them just to be assholish, and learn to stick their nose in the air by thinking that everyone else is stupid.
a couple of teabags shy of a pot, or just thought no one was listening to Sirius
So naturally there's an 'animosity'. That animosity spilled out last night during an astonishing Mel Gibson type radio rant out featuring Sanchez on Pete Dominick's Sirius XM show. Rick was pissed off about getting replaced as CNN anchor in favour of an Elliot "Quagmire" SpitzerShow (The Jews again! When will they leave this man in peace?), and to promote his perhaps ironically titled new book "Conventional Idiocy". Sanchez was mighty steamed about getting the ax, so he had a full head of steam to work off.
Guys like the snob on MASH, not the drunks on Cheers!
Now he had the explanation for CNN. The guys there just don't get it. They don't get it because they don't get where he's coming from. Where he's coming from - in more or less his own words - is an 'off white' background of hard knocks where dads did real jobs for chicken feed and their sons didn't get into Ivy League colleges with a letter from the bishop or local state senator. So when they see him they just see some 'latino'.
"It's not just the right that does this. 'Cause I've known a lot of elite, Northeast establishment liberals that may not use this as a business model, but deep down, when they look at a guy like me, they look at a ... they see a guy automatically who belongs in the second tier and not the top tier ... White folks usually don't see it, but we do, those of us who are minorities ... Here, I'll give you my example, it's this, 'You know what, I don't want you anchoring anymore. I really don't see you as an anchor, I see you more as a reporter. I see you more as a Jon Quinones.' You know, the guy on ABC. That's what he told me, he told me he saw me as Jon Quinones. Now, did he not realize that he was telling me, 'when I see you I think of Hispanic reporters?' 'Cause in his mind, I can't be an anchor, an anchor's what you give the high profile white guys."
Rickie has some 'splainin' to do
Now what Rickie actually says is that when he sees when he looks at Jon Quinones is a Hispanic reporter. Though "Jon Quinones" are fighting words, let's not get sidetracked on side issues when there are bigger fish to fry. Fish like that little know it all Jon Stewart. Stewart is similar to those North Eastern Bean Towner types except more so. More so means raised in New Jersey with over educated parents and a temperature controlled silver spoon up his ass (that probably came with batteries & a remote control - you know what 'those people' are like with science & gadgets). That's why the little snot boy just has no respect for anyone who isn't a member of his little junior chamber of commerce clique of privileged, uptight, smugness. However let's let Sanchez say it for himself:
"It happens all the time. I think to a certain extent, Jon Stewart and Colbert are the same way. I think Jon Stewart's a bigot ... Yeah, I think he's a bigot ... I think he looks at the world through his mom who was a schoolteacher and his dad who was a physicist, or something like that.
"Great, I'm so happy that he grew up in a suburban, middle class New Jersey home with everything that you could ever imagine."
Jon Stewart thinks he's a big man - a regular Jerry Lewis!
Now bigot is a strong word. When Dominick asked Sanchez to be more specific - that's supposed to be his job as a serious journalist, Sanchez comes up short. It was as if he were just throwing the word around for effect. Just to prove he's serious though, he reiterates:
"I think Jon's show is essentially prejudicial ... against anybody who doesn't agree to his point of view, which is very much a white, Liberal establishment point of view. He can't relate to a guy like me, he can't relate to a guy whose dad worked all his life. He can't relate to somebody who grew up poor," Sanchez said.
Dominick, who was previously the "Daily Show's" warm-up comic, continued to press Sanchez for specific examples of bigoted conduct by Stewart.
Sanchez ended up attempting to back off the comments slightly. "I'll take the word 'bigot' back. I'll say prejudicial — uninformed," he said.
Rick Sanchez's minority report
Now Sanchez may not have all his facts straight - which as a serious journalist makes him a prime target for satirists like Stewart - but he does have a point. Jewart does seem to pick on Sanchez for some reason. Maybe it's because he's intimated by Sanchez's macho. Maybe it's because he resents Stewart's - supposedly - up tight upper middle class Jewish American upbringing. It's the kind of angst non Jews feel every time they see Biloxi Blues: "If only I'd grown up a whiny little momma's boy then I could be funny too!". Then again Stewart picks on almost everyone. So how does he keep getting away with it since he's not that funny?
The appeal of the Daily Show is lost on me. It seems awkwardly satirical with some downplayed PC ass kissing thrown in. It's hardly good enough to justify the fuss. In fact it's barely better than Bill Maher (though much less obnoxious!). Once the genuinely funny and genuinely clever Stephen Colbert came along with some genuine satire, Stewart should have been obsolete. Rick Sanchez has an answer for that one too.
those kind? "Nose" kind!
You see There are a lot of guys like Jon Stewart at CNN. There are a lot of guys like that at other networks to. Whether by consensus of mutual interest or deliberate, nefarious design - these no gooders control the media! When I say a lot of guys I don't mean Freemasons, though they control freemasonry (and Hollywood, Las Vegas, & the Vatican! That's part of their insidious plan to control the world by controlling America, and to control America by controlling the entertainment, the gambling and the religion. Although America doesn't identify it's self as a Catholic country, a disturbing number of American's are, and even one President was, Catholic! You dirty mics no who you are! The fact that they managed to get a Catholic elected president, but managed to keep their boys behind the scenes by not getting a Jew elected president should tell you everything about how these types operate! As of this time Disneyland is still in pretty good shape, but it's getting Jewed up with a vengeance!). They don't have secret handshakes - though then again they might for all we really know. These guys are Jews, and they like to look out for each other. Kind of like a mafia! Here's exactly what Sanchez had to say on that:
"Yeah, very powerless people. [laughs] He's such a minority. I mean, you know, please. What are you kidding? I'm telling you that everybody who runs CNN is a lot like Stewart and a lot of people who run all the other networks are a lot like Stewart. And to imply that somehow they, the people in this country who are Jewish, are an oppressed minority?"
That was both concise and lucid! He summed it up admirably! Now the powers that be, and I shouldn't have to tell you who that is *winkstein* *winkstein* are trying to shut him up! As of posting time CNN had made an announcement that Sanchez was no longer working with their channel. I guess he must've violated some of their little Nazi thought crime rules or something.
Dirty Sanchez, or was Mel Gibson right?
Anyway they made this announcement way in advance of any announcement by Sanchez about his future. They didn't want to give the man a chance to step out with dignity! Not that those kind understand dignity. You'd think that they pushed Sanchez because they were afraid that Rickie wouldn't do the honourable thing and jump! So if there's been no official statement from Sanchez on this, it's because one is no longer necessary now that the deck has been stacked! So when attempts to reach Sanchez for an official comment on why he went Mel Gibson on the radio repeatedly went unanswered, it's not because he's gutless or anything. Let's just say that the Jews got another one! Besides I'm sure that Rick is taking some needed time off to catch up on reading the Protocols of the Elders of Zion. Did you know that reading that thing is like reading today's news! It's like it was written by Nostrodamus or something!
BTW since my eyes first started opening to the shadow world behind this one I've learned some amazing things. Here's the most important things you have to know about the World Zionist Conspiracy!
1. Einstein stole the Theory of Relativity while still working as a patent clerk. The thesis was included as part of some guy's perpetual motion invention!
2. "High profile white guys" mean Jews. The 'white elite' are the front people, like Rockefeller was for the Rothschilds when he created the Federal Reserve by sinking the Titanic!
3. Jews have suppressed evidence of an alien crash at Area 51 to maintain faith in an Old Testament god, which is their lock on Western Culture. Of course they also try to undermine tradional values, but that just the Hegelian Dialectic in operation!
4. Jews have been spreading the rumour that Jesus Christ was Jewish for centuries!
5. The Jewish didn't build Stonehenge, but repeatedly tried cheating Stone Age Briton's out of it!
6. Every time you pay your cell phone bill portions of the money go to sponsor Israel!
7. The Jews not only started Hurricane Katrina, but then tried to blame it on black people!
8. Bill Clinton is secretly Jewish!
9. Jews killed Princess Diana because they feared the influence that Dodi Al Fayd might gain!
10. Some of your best friends might be Jewish. Even worse, you might not know it! They routine anglicize their names, Like Bernie Schwartz to Tony Curtis. This way they can inveigle themselves into society and work it's ruin. It's like a kind of Fifth Column right here in our midst. So be on guard, lest they come for you too! My advice - never trust a guy who's been circumcised, or a woman who's had a nose job!
Now a little more of Mr Sanchez and some borderline comments about the pres. Wait for it cause it's about 1 minute into the video.
Well I guess Sanchez's goose is cooked, and rightly so. His career looks like it's going the same way as Mel Gibson's, Michael Richard's, Don Imus', etc. Who knew that world was still such a racist place? Still, if Sarah Palin has shown us anything it's that just because some one has no business having a career doesn't mean that the public has heard the last of them.
Maybe Sanchez will get onto reality TV via race rehab. Now that's not a bad idea since at the rate celebs are fucking up in public the powers that be - Jewish or otherwise - are gonna have to do something or their won't be a celeb left that isn't racist, drug addicted, a sex offender, or otherwise retarded (I can still say that because the retarded aren't a race, right? Or are they?). Who knows, maybe inflammatory FOX News can do something for him. They've aired more extreme, equally insane views on their network. Glenn Beck, with his chalk board and greasy finger of Vick's, is already running his news show on an X Files basis! FOX is America's No 1 source for news related information, just like The Daily Show is America's No 1 source for news related commentary.
So what's it like to be a famous actor, and a cast member of one of televisions most beloved sit coms? What MASH was for baby boomers Friends was for Gen X'ers - though without the political protest, idealism, of pretense of concern with anything out side or beyond one's own limited existence and confined social circle (Still it was a very good show, MASH I mean). Now if Matt LeBlanc wasn't the Alan Alda of the show - that honor goes unquestionably to Jennifer Ansiton, he was certainly the Wayne Rogers, or perhaps even MacLean Stevenson (BTW that makes Courtney Cox the Hotlips, Daivd Schwimmer is Frank Burns, and Matthew Perry - wait a minute maybe Perry is Alda and Aniston is more of a Mike Farrell...). The point is that he was no Gary Burghoff - that's Lisa Kudrow's role! Yet that's exactly what the entertainment media is making him out to be. Naturally LeBlanc is pissed!
How pissed? Well Matt was over in Merry Ole England recently to give an interview to the UK Mirror (the Mirror is one of those fishwrappers frequently involved in multi million dollar libel cases, when they're not paying a small fortune to some prostitute to tell them how long David Beckham's dick is - so they kind of serve as an inspiration for online gossip bloggers!) . Matt however wasn't so merry. While sitting down for the interview LeBlanc accidentally knocked over a glass of water. The reporter naturally assumed that LeBlanc was referencing his lovably thick Friends character and blurted "You all right, Joey? How YOU do-in?" The paper should've sent some one along who was experienced enough to know that you don't say things like that to a former somebody. I guess they just didn't think Joey was worth the consideration.
Joey LeBlanc thought that it was worth consideration. He considered it enough at the time to blow his stack over it. By blow his stack I mean that he said "I'm not Joey. Don't you dare call me Joey. The papers say I'm finished, so don't call me f**king Joey. I want to leave that all behind. I'm moving on." Just in case the reporter didn't catch that Joey went on "I'm not Joey. For the last time. I'm not f**king Joey. It's Matt. Matt LeBlanc. Joey's in the past. I'm trying to do something new."
Now that's not what Joey usually says. Joey usually tries to make the best of it by telling people what they want to hear. Things like "If people really believe me as that character, I have done my job. I don't look on it as a negative thing. I take it as a compliment.", which got brought up In a recent interview.
Now if that's eating shit and calling it sugar, then it's only because the man is a consummate professional. Kind of the way Lynda Carter was - during her drinking period - whenever some owner from one of the thousands of online Wonder Woman fans sites would call her up for some comments to add to his latest podcast. If Lynda was 3 sheets to the wind at the time she might be heard getting impatient, and even showing some low key sarcasm -"Oh yeah, good ole Wonder Woman. We gotta keep ole Wonder Woman kicking - woo hooo!"
Also you have to consider the strain that Joey is under recently. His last show was the short lived Friends spin off Joey which didn't make 13 episodes. His new project is a freak show called Matt LeBlanc where Joey plays a character called Matt LeBlanc that isn't the real Matt LeBlanc, but based on public perceptions about who LeBlanc is. So there's probably way too much Joey in there. Also it might mess with Joey's sense of reality - that's tenuous in actors at the best of times. More over actors, unlike regular folk, don't find the best in themselves during adversity.
So perhaps Joey thought he was in character like Joaquin Phoenix on Letterman a year back; and again a couple of nights ago. Or even like William Shatner on Saturday Night Live when he told the nerds to "get a life". Now if they'd listened to that there'd never have been a comic con 2010! Everyone knew Capt. Kirk didn't mean it - if people got a life than no one would watch TV and movies!
It was the same kind of sly self parody (on Joey's part) that has made William Shatner once again a household name to a generation of people to young to remember Star Trek as anything but a reference for the Next Generation Movies and Deep Space: Voyager - "7 of 9, summon the Bjork!" JOey has been around long enough to know that no matter how hopeless associated with a role you have become there is an eventual chance to get past it by owning it through self referential culturally relevant parody. Just like Betty White! Unless you're Gary Coleman. So pipe down Joey, you'll be just fine in 15 to 25 years!
Mischa Barton is out and about. In fact she was recently spotted at the Larchmont Bungalow in Los Angeles to have dinner with a friend of the male persuasion. What really got attention though was Mischa eccentric and downright whimsical fashion statement. The DailyMail has described it as Alice In Wonderland. I don't know how they explain the combat boots, 'cause that's sheer Beverly Hillbilly!
Now here's the answer to a question that's been bothering celebrities, and ordinary folk, for ages, perhaps even decades! The question is "Can we change, or are we doomed to be ourselves?" The answer is that change is possible, but it's very difficult. Even worse change involves a 5 point plan. The good news is that the plan is a series of over simplifications - you know like on Star Trek, where they'd overcome the greatest challenges by reversing the transporter beam, or linking the ship's sensors to the universal translator. Let's take a look at the following encouraging video about how you can become the person you've always wanted to be, or at least become some one new and different!
I hope that this doesn't involve regular exercise!
Wow - that sounds like hard work! In fact changing your personality sounds even harder than changing your diet; and you are what you eat! So maybe real change isn't possible - apart from the kind of self sacrifice that went out with Lent, but the good news is that you can change the way you look! It's good enough for celebrities, and 9 out of 10 cosmetic surgeons will say that it's totally worth the money. However I'd recommend that you make this sort of life altering alteration slowly, and by stages. Start with a fabulous make over, then move on to losing weight and changing your wardrobe. Then one day, when you're an Oprah Winfrey success story, you might be ready to go over board on the nips & tucks!
I had planned to do something about Mel Gibson this morning, maybe referring to those rumours concerning his career. I had planned to write about his plans to resurrect his destroyed career by reuniting with Oksana for a Sonny & Cher type TV variety show. The show would feature Mel, along with Sugartits, and feature the same kind of friendly banter and teasing that S&C were known for, but with that edgy quality we've come to expect from M&O via their infamous recorded telephone conversations. You know the kind of stuff:
Mel: "After being seen in public with you - I've got no fucking problem doing a movie with a sock puppet beaver!"
Oksana: "Don't be crazy darling, no one will ever watch you in a movie! That's the crazy talking, you need you meds!
Mel: "What?" WHAT!? I need to fucking kill you! You fucking cock sucking whore! But first you should get down on your fucking knees in front of this live studio audience - thanks for coming out today by the way. Oksana, I, and especially little Lucia, really appreciate the support. You should get down on your fucking knees and blow me!"
Oksana: "Could you please scream louder Mel? Our special guest the Kings of Leon can't hear you, plus this crummy tape recorder you bought me isn't picking up!"
Mel: "Crummy tape recorder? CRUMMY TAPE RECORDER?! Do you know how much the fucking piece of shit tape recorder cost? We've got perfectly good recorders right here in this studio! Kings of Leon? How'd you get them? They'll give us some real credibility!"
Oksana: "Well you know I am a musician, whether you want to believe it or not!"
Mel: "Don't push my buttons honey 'cause I'll knock you out right in front of this damn audience - thanks again for coming out - you know I will!"
M&O: "Good night everybody and watch our show again next week when our special guest will be Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger!"
Oksana: "I guess that means Joaquin Phoenix canceled."
Mel: "Shut the fuck up and say good night like you've got some class!"
Fool's Gold
Instead I thought I'd go with another story about another Hollywood A Lister on the verge of oblivion. That would be Angelina Jolie. The verge of oblivion would be this weeks Box Office Returns. Much touted Salt earned about 31 million dollars. That's not bad for an opening night. Except that Inception, that bizarre film by Chris Nolan starring Leo DiCaprio in another film without Kate Winslett (I assume that's why they had to write his character's wife as dead, and why he couldn't make it with Ariadne! Gotta preserve that whole Titanic love story thing forever - just give the guy some breathing space. Remember what Love Story did to poor old Ryan O Neal!), the one where no one can quite figure out WTF is going on, came in number one. It earned about 45 - 49 million. That's after a 30% drop in ticket sales from it's opening last week. In other words Jolie's box office performance stank worse than Tom Cruise's in Valkyrie. Relatively speaking, this is the equivalent of Megan Fox in Jennifer's Body!
In Hollywood, on the A List, No 2 really isn't good enough. Especially when you're a member of Hollywood Holy Family, routinely get front row center at the Oscars or whatever other awards show is going, and are surrounded by a maelstrom of hype that you'll eventually have to justify. Remember that Jolie hasn't had real BO success since her Tomb Raider days. Everything after that has been lackluster -except for her tabloid appearances!
So that means Jolie might need to look at Plan B. She could get pregnant yet again. That would be good for 9 months of speculation: Is it Brad's? Was it artificially conceived? Is it a ploy to keep Brad from going back to Jennifer Aniston? Where outside the USA is she gonna drop it or is she gonna give birth in New Orleans this time to make a political statement? Then she could make an enormous deal with People for the first baby pics. Say $20 million, her usual fee for baby pics and more than she's accustomed to getting for her film work! You know - more of the same.
She could also do that script she's been offered. it's the one where she plays a serial killer who kidnaps a slutty high school cheer leader played by Megan Fox. After Stockholm Syndrome kicks in Megan decides that Angelina is her one chance at freedom from the stifling social restrains she lives with, and so becomes her apprentice. The pair then go on a Thelma & Louise rampage of seduction and destruction together, often competing to see who's vagina can cause more damage. The idea is a promising one too, except that I hear producers have soured on Jolie, and are offering the project to Meryl Streep,with Anne Hathaway as a runaway bride, rather than cheerleader. Jolie is no longer even second in line for that one, since producers are lining up Betty White in the event that Streep passes on the deal! That would leave Milla Jovovich next up after Hathaway!
Remember to keep reading wondertrash. Though we like to think we're the blog that can blow your mind, like an IED in your head; we're more like the National Enquirer meets Mad Magazine! When you're not reading celebrity gossip, remember to go out this summer and have a ball!
Speaking of cheap shots here are some upcoming from a leading source in the field! Note the lower left corner.
and as to those rumors about Bill O Reilly selling his soul to the devil...
As to the rumors about the reunion of 1990's cult TV classic GvsE: story was that Clayton Rohner and Richards Brookes were getting back together for a 90 minute movie based on the series in which agents of light battled minions of darkness - usually working in some branch of LA's thriving entertainment & related industries - & based on a script written by Brookes himself. The script involved main characters Chandler Smythe & Henry McNeil trying to get Bill O Reilly to renounce his Fautsian deal with "Rupert Morlock", by which he became America's most influential news anchor. I am unhappy to announce that the story is false.
I guess that explains Lady Gaga!
are Australians evil?
GvsE producers decided that an 'evil Aussie' story might be overkill. With Mel Gibson, the racist Michael Jackson TV tribute from an Australian variety show, etc., it's beginning to seem as if there's more to our friends from Downunder than "G'day Mate" & "No Worries". Perhaps all the smiles and easy going charm are an attempt to lure us into a false sense of security & get us to lower our defenses? They do seem to be taking over lately - except for Hugh Jackman who's left the rat race or something. So GvsE producers have decided to do an evil oil company concept instead.
Mel Gibson's dog days of summer
What would a day th3ese days be without another Mel Gibson Freakout Tape? He's got Christian Bale beat fuck for fuck by forty to one! With that in mind here's another tape from a man claiming to be one of Mel's "Aussie mates". A warning though, parts of this tape seem to be edited!
It's easy to mock Mel, so we do. More importantly Mel serves as a cautionary tale. At his height he was the No 1 actor in Hollywood & worth about $1 billion. Yet none of the fame & success protected him from his problems, some of which may ultimately find some of their cause within himself. He's not the only major personality to suffer a downfall. There's also OJ Simpson, Conrad Black, etc. Even well lied down to Earth celebs like Sandra Bullock have had a brush with potential career oblivion. Oh yeah, & there's also this chick!
It's as if they bigger they come the harder they fall. Remembering that might help us keep our own lives in proportion the next time we're tempted to make something of ourselves - perhaps by losing weight or joining a neighborhood gym. Anyways here's another cautionary tale on the pitfalls of fame, wealth, & power.
They were the most famous & powerful family in the world, and yet they didn't even own a good ball point pen (which might have expedited Claudius' histories considerably - " A pen! A pen! My Caesar's laurels for a good pen - one that's refillable, easy to write with, and one who's ink won't run!"). Things that are mundane to you & me would be miraculous to them! Success is relative, but trouble is for real!
BTW a special farewell to regular wondertrash reader Tracy Mc. Tracy has left TO for England where she plans to pursue other opportunities/do whatever. I believe that there was some talk about joining a religious cult. Best of luck Tracy, and hopefully you can turn a few of your new Brit friends on to one of Toronto's flakiest little blogs! Go on and spread the word - and keep reading wondertrash, the blog that always dots it's T's and crosses it's eyes!
Get Lost: Took My Money, Took My Car; Told Her Startled Friends She's Gonna Be A Star!
Where Am I? On the Island. What do you want? Entertainment! - The Prisoner Meets Gilligan's Island finally over.
Lost is the show that made Canadian Evangeline Lilly a star by breaking up her marriage to super supportive 1st husband Murray Hone. It did this by making Lilly realize how little they had in common now that she was a star. Of course Lilly was star material from the word go: she's a fresh faced Canadian babe with a name that rhymes with Angelina Jolie. So Hone was gonna have to get used to disappointment sooner or later.
and now for something not quite completely different
Lost made Lilly a star in another way two: by stringing along the American public week after week for about 6 years. So much so that I really expected last night's big grand finally to be merely a lead up to LOST: The Motion Picture, due out sometime in 2112. They'd answer all the questions by raising more questions - just like Sex And The City. So not having begun watching LOST I was inclined to pick it up just for the sake of the season finally. Still I had to wonder what the fuss was about.
In fairness No 2 was a little on edge in that episode because Nanny Harris had been over feeding HG, plus Karen & Ann had been working at that awful strip club again!
Hey everyone - it's Big Bunny!
When giant bunnies create havoc in your life then either you're trapped in a Britcom, or you're having the DT's again!
know your memes: new situations old complications
So that lead me to my own search for answers via Internet message boards, chatrooms, and of course Facebook. Now there was some kind of crypto-spiritual mumbo jumbo brought up with a lot of sly humor. So I begun to think that LOST was just a collection of TV tropes and cliches cleverly rearranged so that the whole package looked new and original - maybe even ground breaking. For instance here's what some cyber folk had to say about the phenomenon that was:
Dennis Jones Spoiler: Pam wakes up and it was all a dream!
Jim Dunn They've been "Lost" how long and Hurley hasn't lost any weight? Umm, I think someone has a giant stash of Twinkies.
Brad Penney but what happened to Gilligan & the Skipper too, the millionaire & his wife? Oh yeah, wrong castaways. I will say one thing for LOST, Gilligan's Island was funnier, barely.
Gilligan's Island was barely funnier but no less the pop cultural phenomenon. Evangeline Lilly came close to madness during her difficult "Don't call me Mary Ann" stage. She was always Ginger in her heart. You know how actors can get when the professional demands of the job interfere with pretending and play acting. Fortunately LOST has run it's course (for the present), and Lilly's career too probably. She can now escape the fame of which she has been so un appreciative (or over appreciative depending on how sincere an actress can be). She might even get back to those Liveleak commercials!
Little Miss Vixen and the Long Kiss Good Bye
Speaking of actresses at loose ends Megan Fox has got canned off of Transformers 3. Now everyone suspects that this was un account of her disparaging remarks about her boss Michael Bay. She said he was like Hitler on the set, which he let pass; and and that his movies weren't really masterpieces of Shakespearean drama, which he took exception too.
So I guess Megan proved her point about the egomania. Now proving that kind of point is like winning the battle and losing the war. In this case it means losing your job. Since Meggers ain't exactly a Stratford on Avon caliber actress (here @ Wondertrash we don't care who's toes we step on, so we're free to make all kinds of points with impunity!) that leaves the young hottie hard up for work.
Now Meggers had got some irons in the fire. She's thinking of marketing a new fragrance. She also might or might not be working on a reality TV deal, that might or might not involve multiple test tube babies. A sex tape with BAG might or might not be about to be released. An alcoholic breakdown followed by a rehab stint might also be a career booster! Meanwhile Meggers is making ends meat meet, usually not a problem for her, by releasing her own line of BRATZ dolls. They're called, appropriately enough Little Miss Vixen, and here they are!
Well the similarity is just striking. The dolls look just as life like as Meggars too - well at least since she had the plastic surgery. So here's to Meg for taking one of life's lemons and making some really cheesy lemonade out of it! Stay the course Wondergirl, cause you're doing super. We're laughing at gilded butterflies already (though laughing at gilded butterflies is a daily thing here @ the Trash. Probably something to do with the DT's!).
Remember Megan that Transformers has given you a whole world, and then taken it back again. You were a little young to learn so trashtastic a lesson but they play mean games in your chosen profession. My guess is that your Shakespeare tat kinda set 'em off and provoked 'em.
Joaquin sez - "Let your fingers do the talking". Then feet do your stuff!
When you play a crooked game then the only way to win is cheat, and lay it down before you're beat. Then take the money & run!
Dave registered a 1.41 on the breathalyzer (having once blown a 1.55 I can tell you that's a lot of drinking! Now that's a story, but since I'm not a celebrity it gets to stay secret.). DAve copped to a drink at diner, plus he said he popped a hydrocodone - which might have made him seem moer drunk than he was. The officers found a half empty bottle of Labrot Graham Woodford Reserve Kentucky Bourbon in the back seat, and that made them suspect that Cassidy was way more drunk than he was willing to let on. So that meant that Dave had to spend some time on their company. Up until 3 AM when he was released on $350 bail, that is.
Yesterday's post covered the sad strange tale of 
Now that's not what Joey usually says. Joey usually tries to make the best of it by telling people what they want to hear. Things like "I
Tammy Nan LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!