Jesse James threatens to write book - anti climax expected!

running out of tiger blood!

After taking a few days off to mourn Charlie Sheen's gradual return to sanity - God that man came up with some interesting shit! - I'm back to dish, though with much less inspiring shit to work with. For those of you afraid that it has something to do with Justin Bieber's hair, or Kim Kardashian revealing she has had silicone injections but won't say where, don't worry. I can offer livelier fare, but it ain't much liver.

who's who

Today's offering involves a gal more sympathetic than Jennifer Aniston. IN fact she's only slightly less sympathetic than Rihanna! This chick would be none other than America's Sweetheart - well one of 'em anyway. The whole America's Sweetheart deal is kind of like the Heavy Weight Boxing Championship: there's about a half dozen belts on the go and the public has lost interest. She's also one of the reining Queens of Romcoms; I guess that's kind of like the Heavyweight Sweetheart deal. Anyway it's not Katherine Heigl, but poor humiliated Sandy Bullock.

if you can't find fresh freaks then send in the clowns

If you'll recall about a little over a year ago Sandy was on top of the world. She had a blockbuster film career, a skeezy tattooed husband with a pick up truck for the kind of 'real people' credibility Angelina Jolie hasn't had since she stopped wearing billy Bob Thornton's blood around her neck, real affection from the movie going public, oh yeah and she had that Oscar in her hot little hand too. It looked like everything was coming up Sandy, until the shit hit the fan.

shitbomb

The shit hit the fan in the form of her husband's sleazy mistress Michelle Magee. Magee was nicknamed Bombshell - at least that was her working name, and she was the sort of greasy bitch that Tiger Woods wouldn't have touched with a shitty stick wrapped in an asbestos condom. Not unless he was on his usual Ambien & Viagra cocktail anyway. What Bombshell worked at was stripping and posing for fetish websites. By fetish think vomit and dog shit. It's all about what don't wash out! So the chick had a serious career she was working on, with white power and home wrecking as a sideline. All work and no play will leave people asking "why is there stale vomit in your hair?"

Vanilla Gorilla makes a monkey out of Bullock!

The shit couldn't have hit the fan at a worse time either, since as I mentioned people had just watched Sandy pick up her shiny chrome celebrity validation award in a highly televised ceremony. Sandy had been waiting for this moment for a very long time - ever since she wanted to be an actress when she grew up - so she made a big deal out of it. Unfortunately she made a big deal out of the Vanilla Gorilla too. She made some public comments about how real he was, how he'd made her more real, and how he was charming the pants off of Morgan Freeman (although hopefully not with some cooked up scheme that involved getting him to bend over!). In short she said he'd made a Hollywood actress a better person - which is no small feat. Then it got too real.

who's Ricky Gervias?

Hot on the heels of this all these scuzzy photos of Bombshell licking dog vomit up in her under wear while baring her swastika tattoos to the world came up. Apart from maybe Mel Gibson no one was impressed. It made Sandy look lower than all those mentioned at the intro of the last Golden Globes (almost forgot about that since Charlie Sheen's wild over the top media blow out didn't you?). The difference was that this shit actually stuck, and for days and days after. What was sticking was a question: If Jesse was really a bad piece of shit, like we're finding out; and he was really the most important person in Sandy's life, like she said; then how could she not know about any of this nazi shit? Something smelled rotten, and it wasn't just the leftovers from some fetish sex orgy; though that might have been part of it.

there's more to outrage than pretty pretty dresses

Well then if this question has been plaguing your mind, then you're as socially aware and conscious as Natalie Portman on a pre Oscar clothing spree. So you might also be interested to know that Vanilla Gorilla has a new book coming out. Normally no one would dignify that book with the purchase price. They'd simply wait for the National Enquirer to give them the gist of it, or borrow it from the public library. However this time there's a very good reason to put our high minded outrage aside and indulge our morbid curiosity. The reason is that Jesse addresses the Sandy question.

relationshit

According to Jesse in his new book Sandy probably had no idea about his fringe interests in nazism and fetish sex. For one thing she was never really that interested in any part of his life. That included their time in bed together. Jesse claims that bed with Sandy involved books, newspapers, scripts - the kind of shit grease monkeys with Hitler tattoos hate, and as much as 6 dogs. The dogs didn't even figure in the way he liked either - they were lying affectionately at the foot of the bed, instead of licking fresh maggots out of her vagina! Now Jesse hasn't come right out and said that she drove him into the arms of sex offenders because she was too damned boring in bed. Gentleman Jesse just left that to be inferred. However some are saying that he has come right straight out and implied that the ex is a lesbian or something, allegedly! Here's some excerpts of what he did say.

“Jesse would always say that Sandra went to bed with a book or script and five or six of their dogs, leaving little room for him in bed and no chance to have sex,” the source said.

“He also told friend that he and Sandra had zero physical attraction, and they hadn’t had sex for months before they split. Sandra is on edge because Jesse could justify his cheating by creating the false impression that she withheld sex from him or is a lesbian.”

Publishing insiders say that Jesse’s book royalties are tied to how much he reveals about Sandra. She’s agonizing over the possibility that Jesse will spill heartbreaking details of her failure to conceive, and even accuse her of condoning his Nazi fascination.

“Jesse owns a large collection of Nazi memorabilia, including a surfboard with a life-size Hitler doing the Nazi salute that he kept in his office at the garage. He also had swastikas, helmets and Nazi uniforms at the home he shared with Sandra. While Sandra wasn’t a fan of his Nazi stuff, did she turn a blind eye to it? If Jesse tells the world she was OK with his collection, that could come back to haunt her, especially since her late mother was German.”

put the titillate back in tittle tattle!

So that should clear everything up, unless it makes everything a lot more confusing. That's the problem with tell alls, especially when they tell you nothing. I say if you're gonna tittle tattle than have the guts and basic honesty to rat out the bastards like a mafia fink trying to get into the witness protection program! That means all bets off, no holds barred, and the Marquis of Queensbury rule book gets tossed right out the window! If not, then don't waste everyone's time by getting their hopes up and then pussy footing around 'cause your lawyer told you to be careful and Bullock's business a manger said "don't worry something can be worked out!" You're just taking precious work away from Andrew Morton. At least Jesse's people are still making some noises about a possible Jesse James 'alleged' sex tape. Though it should be said that the alleged tape doesn't involve Sandra Bullock, but Miss Tila Tequila and a German Sheppard named Shitler! That ought fill some attention in the post Charlie Sheen celebrity outrage vacuum!

Shit Happens - How John Edwards lost his chance & got into tabloid hell

Rielle Hunter was a troublesome tiresome bitch even back when she was called Lisa Druck. That description might be a bit harsh. Maybe she was an accident waiting for a place to happen. That's if you want to believe one of her oldest friends. The friend is Pigeon O Brien, and Pigeon is the one now taking credit for ratting Rielle and her presidential candidate boyfriend John Edwards out to the National Enquirer. So Pij has some explaining to do. Explain she has in a recent HuffPo piece, the gist of which is below.

Pij knew Rielle back when she was Lisa. That was in the 80's at a place called Nell's bar. According to Pij, Lisa was either always swaggering around hollering her head off, or frightening guys out of the bar and into taxis that sped away rapidly. No one really liked the obnoxious little twat, but she was interesting. There were lots of stories about promiscuity, other women's husbands, and strip poker. Besides many were a little too afraid of her to stand up.

Pij & Druck moved on and lost touch, the way friends will. Then one day O Brien meets her old friend again. It was 2004 @ a swanky NYC dinner party. Rielle shows up, but totally reinvented. She's got a head full of new ideas too, like Buddhism, MTV, motivational speakers as the new rock stars, and of course striking it rich! Pij was at loose ends (that's what you call it when some one is into web design & PR on a freelance basis), and Hunter had a lot of ideas to keep her old friend occupied. So they got together to do a website aimed at getting Hunter into the motivational speaking racket by way of MTV. Now this wasn't just a big idea but was backed up with a lot of hot air, as the pair spent hours a day jabbering with each other on the phone.

Since swinging their jaw bones was as close as they got to productive work, the website never really took off. O Brien and Hunter's relationship got a little strained. They'd occasionally lose radio contact. Then one day and out of the blue as it were, Hunter calls up and says that she's in love. She describes a guy from North Carolina. While Pij is busy thinking Jethro Beaudine (Those Yankees and their ethnic-regional stereotyping! It's the white middle class educated liberal's version of racism.), Hunter goes on to describe a golden god with rock star charisma. O Brien didn't put 2 + 2 together right away. Maybe she was expecting Robert Plant. When O Brien heard the words"John" and "North Carolina" on TV and looks up to see John Edwards on the screen with Hunter hovering near by, the jig is up.

"SHIT," I thought to myself, "we're in trouble now."

Now this is where the story gets interesting. Pij & Hunter had a sort of up and down relationship; as you might expect with at least one drama queen, and when bills for services rendered aren't getting promptly paid. Hunter had stopped teaching yoga to devote herself full time to the Golden Meal Ticket. Meanwhile she's constantly babbling on and on about love. Meanwhile Edwards was positioning himself for a run at the White House. Since his wife Elizabeth was a big part of his public image package, things were about to get really interesting.

standing out in a crowd and still spell check fixable!

It was about the same time as Hunter began producing a set of cheesy promo videos for Edwards that people began calling O Brien to inquire as to the nature of her friend's relationship with Edwards. O Brien says that the media tracked her down through her listing on Hunter's website. The fact that her name is Pigeon makes her stand out from the Jennys and Janes (now you know why celebs love to have outrageous names). Pigeon says that at first she was very tight lipped about the whole cheating on his dying wife with the crazy bitch from my old bar story. The reporters just wouldn't leave her alone though. Eventually the constant nagging got to her. She started asking herself whether this kind of behavior is acceptable in a public figure. She states in her article that it's no one's business who you sleep with, but issues of trust and betrayal are very important. I guess that's supposed to make what she did next come off as noble.

a raw nerve in a barrel of monkeys

According to O Brien some where along the line she got the idea that the public needed to know. Getting herself out of hot water wouldn't be so bad either. So she started phoning the numbers of some of those publications she said were eager to talk about Hunter (I think she mentioned about 2 before she got to the National Enquirer, though to hear her tell it the phone was off the hook and she was cracking from pressure. So the assumption is that she got a few calls from a couple of places that noticed who did the video and then checked out the website. Since Edwards was in the primaries they may have thought that it was worthwhile to call and ask a few general questions. They may not have had anything specific in mind, which is born out by the fact that when she got back in touch they didn't know what she was talking about when she mentioned "the affair". It's either that or she didn't get all of her facts straight for her big HuffPo article. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt ans assume she was a bit histrionic and overreacted.). Her first few ventures didn't come off - people who wanted to know didn't believe anything was going on. Finally she got around to The Pulitzer Prize Nominated National Enquirer. That's when she hit pay dirt!

The Candidate & the TV Psychic!

According to Pigeon the NE wasn't exactly sure who Edwards was at first. So she had to bring them up to speed, so they'd understand how the affair fit in. Once they got the general idea they didn't need much encouragement. A presidential candidate cheating on his dying wife with a TV psychic sounds like something just made for them. Only the additions of Bigfoot and a UFO could've made the tale complete! So they started sniffing around for whatever smelled like shit.

faux vox popoli

That's the point at which the cat crawled out of the bag. Edwards got Hunter under wraps - hiding her out in a series of rented mansions according to Pigeon. Meanwhile HuffPo, sensing that the shit was about to hit the fan something might be up, printed an article questioning why the Hunter produced promo vids had all of a sudden disappeared. That got them a lot of hate mail from outraged people pretending not to be associated with the Edwards campaign. It also nearly got the article's writer Sam Stein fired. However things had gone too far by that time. Within a week or two the NE published it's Edwards Cheating story.

This is the point at which anyone with any sense would've dropped out. Edwards plowed on. Pressure was put on the media to shut the fuck up ignore the stories. After all it was only unsubstantiated rumor based on the kind of circumstantial evidence that failed to convict OJ Simpson. John himself began throwing around cruel and hurtful phrases like "tabloid trash & lies" (celebrity types can be so unkind when they're on the defensive). His long suffering wife made off the record comments about the Enquirer as the UFO paper. Meanwhile Edwards' functionaries memo-ed the LA Times begging them to take the journalistic high road and not to go down market with the gossip shit rags. The shaming and bull shitting might have worked too, except Johnny Boy got caught spending a night with Hunter in a hotel. If you play around with fire long enough you're bound to get burned!

John Edwards - a frickin totally bitchin rock star from Mars!

So now the cheating story went into overdrive. Hunter's pregnancy got out too. Edwards tired to deny that at first. He claimed that he'd only been in that hotel late at night with an emotionally unstable woman because he desperately wanted to help her with her troubles. Besides the woman was clearly some sort of slut on the make so her kid could belong to anyone - Mel Gibson, 007, you name it. That kind of desperation is the sign that the chips are down.

John Edwards is like the last rat on a sinking ship

When the chips are down is when you find out who your friends really are. Some of Edwards friends, like Andrew and Cheri Young, decided to make their own deals. Young wrote a tell all about the man he backed to the hilt for years, called the Politician. Since he'd done a lot of work keeping the Hunter story under wraps, his damage control experience must've made him credible. Of course Pigeon went to the National Enquirer to get the dung ball rolling. Who knows what possessed her, beyond her self professed Jimmy Stewart style commitment to American Democracy (note to readers, never watch Mr Smith Goes to Washington while you're on acid, 'cause it will mind fuck your brains down into your socks! "My God - I've got to go out and get into trouble by doing the right thing so that the cavalry can rescue me!"). Readers will get the impression that flighty and self involved Hunter could be a tough act to take, and if you had to deal with her long enough you want to see her get what was coming to her too. Of course if Edwards had any real friends, or even trustworthy handlers, they'd have recognized what Hunter was before she ever got through the door, and run interference.

the upshot on this shit -"let's be careful out there"

So I guess the upshot is that we live in a global village or something now. That's like living in a semi detached housing complex - think Melrose Place. So it's an environment where news is increasingly gossip; and that kind of bad news can do you in (as John Galliano has found out the hard way - suppose France wants Jack's Legion of Honor back?). So don't piss anyone off, or you'll get their goat - and they might even get yours, as Rosesanne Barr's Hawaiian neighbors recently and allegedly pointed out. Now go out there and behave yourselves!

Angry Samson

by Robert Graves
(1895-1985)

---

Are they blind, the lords of Gaza
In their strong towers,
Who declare Samson pillow-smothered
And stripped of his powers?

O stolid Philistines,
Stare now in amaze
At my foxes running in your cornfields
With their tails ablaze,

At swung jaw-bone, at bees swarming
In the stark lion's hide,
At these, the gates of well-walled Gaza
A-clank to my stride.

Tila Tequila sex tape

Tila Tequila shows us her disturbing little snippet

Tila Tequila is a very ambitious personality in the entertainment related field. She also lives a very activie *ahem* social life. So it was only natural that we'd be seeing more of her. See more we do in the following disturbing little snippet. It show Miss Tila and an acquaintance gettin' it on. So if you want to have a gander at her goosy, put the kids to bed and lock the livestock in the shed, then proceed at your own risk.

I think that was more 'entertainment related' then actually 'entertaining'.

Oh yeah and the unofficial story about this is that TT staged it her self and is now faking some official outrage through the usual channels - lawyers - but only to promote her home made porno project; which she hopes will hype her career by getting her back into the public eye. It worked for Kum Kim Kardashian didn't it?

BTW this is the first sex vid posted to Wondertrash and I'm so pleased that Miss Tila Tequila is my first! Although I think that thing may have given my computer a virus!!

That's So Wrong.

Wondertrash & Wonderflash

If you're and up and coming professional celebrity attention is money in the bank, and if you don't get it you're out of business. So the $64 000 is "what's the easiest way to get a lot of attention fast?" There is an old saying in the business that "Sex sells". That means that if you're young, attractive, and of the female persuasion (Don't ask "who persuaded you?" because if you are female it won't be the last time you'll get talked into something!) there's one sure fire way to get everyone talking about you fast - flash your goodies, or come as close as you can get away with to that! With that in mind, and who doesn't have sex on the brain at least a little bit? - it shouldn't be any surprise that some up and coming eager beavers are giving people something to talk about. Our first case is a young lady whom we're gonna be hearing more about as her wedding to a certain high profile TV & radio personality approaches!

Hassling the Hough

Julianne Hough (the chick who looks like Dexter's wife - Julie Benz from the show, not his on the show sister Jennifer Carpenter who's his real life soon to be ex) is a popular young country & western singer. She's also engaged to Simon Cowell's side kick Ryan Seacrest (Ryan is the Gracie Allen to Cowell's George Burns if you will). Now the couple have a big 3 million dollar wedding planned for Paris. However life ain't all wine and roses and April in Paris for the Hough. She's currently embroiled in a country music controversy that's got her on the wrong side of the Nashville establishment, and the CMT network. It all has to do with her video That's So Wrong.

Now the video in question features Hough caterwauling about love, or something like it, while she takes of clothes and squirms around like she's got a bad case of bed bugs. So it's a soft core strip tease (& more tease than strip) act of the kind music video viewers are familiar with. It's nothing that isn't seen regularly on TV and in family viewing hours. However CMT ain't happy about it. CMT has banned the video from their network allegedly on the basis that it's too hot to handle. CMT likes to keep country traditional. Traditional means gals with big hair and bigger boobs wearing more grease paint than a circus clown and singing about cheating or getting cheated on. So Hough's skanky antics have no place on their airwaves! What's more Youtube and Truveo have followed suit and banned the video from their sites (BTW for all you aspiring Mark Zuckerberg's out there, the domain name Youtune is currently up for grabs!)!

Hough doesn't know what the brouhaha os about. For one thing she insists that she's a religious gal. She's probably as religious as any other country western chick who ever went out into a bar and got drunk while lookin' for temporary love, so I'll leave that alone. Anyway Hough says that she comes from a small town (Sandy, Utah) where takin' off your clothes for money is shameful. I guess that means she just gets sexy for attention. Attention she's getting too, though it should be said that CMT claims Hough's Miley Cyrus routine had nothing to do with banning the video. It was a contractual thing. Contractual thing in business is the equivalent of a celeb saying that they're suffering from exhaustion when they check into hospital from a booze overdose - a flimsy excuse.

Hough has been trying to shed the good girl image, along with her clothes, recently. She did something wear she appeared covered in gold paint. It was a mermaid shoot with Kristen Bell and Mena Suvari. She's also booked up to play Ariel, not a mermaid, in the new Footloose flick. Hough says that the Ariel character will be pretty wild - in a modest small town religious way I guess.

bottoms up to the bottom line

The upshot is that the sex act is paying off. So Hough can't be blamed too much for responding to encouragement. Country isn't cool if no one watches, right? Fans are right behind her too. She's getting tons of support on Internet message boards, where Hough Helpers point out that she wore less clothes on her Dancing With The Stars appearances. Now that's DWTS business and DWTS has flexible standards. For instance that's where Erin Peephole Andrews went to save face after her privacy was violated by some random pervert. You may recall that Andrews was video taped prancing around her hotel room naked. Andrews was so humiliated that she had to book on DWTS to get her esteem back, by wearing slinky clothes, flirting with her partner, and flashing herself around. Andrews wasn't being hypocritical but making a valid point, that her privacy is her's to violate! It's the working principle that pro attention whores live by!

So this whole pseudo scandal is still up in the air: with CMT saying that they don't object to the video though the won't show Hough, and Hough saying that though she's outwardly defiant she's inwardly hurt and humiliated. There's no sign of a resolution either. That's okay though since Hough doesn't have to rely on CMT for her bread a butter. As said she's gettin' hitched up to Ryan Seacrest (take that everyone who thought he was gay!). Anyone who can afford to drop 3 mill on a Paris wedding in this economy can afford to keep Hough in snake skin cowboy boots and bedazzled Stetsons. besides, I hear that Seacrest has a few connections in the music biz! So y'all can look forward to seeing a lot more Hough!

Girl Power!

Speaking of music industry attention whores Katie Perry is no stranger to sex and attention. She outs out a pretty strong sex vibe in her act. That's got her a lot of fans and Booky Wooky author Russell Brand as her hubby. Russy's the guy who got kicked off of BBC Radio for having sex with Andrews Sachs (Manuel from Fawlty Towers) grand daughter. In Russy's defense Sach's grand daughter is some kind of a burlesque artist - or a palm reader. Judging by her out fits it might be either.

Anyway marriage made Russel a changed man - he apologized to Manuel and started slapping around paparazzi like Sean Penn back in his Madonna days (Russ got out raged when a paparazzi tried to get a closer look at something Katey's shown everyone via TV, the Internet, and the Brit tabs. While Russ insisted that he was in his rights, most were left asking "what was the point?"

Sex has gotten Katie so much fan enthusiasm that when she recently mentioned that she wanted to play Wonder Woman about have the Internet said "Right on!" That's about half as many as when Megan Fox said that she didn't want to play Wonder Woman. Katie seems to be reinforcing that point in her public appearances too. For instance here's a recent pic of Perry prancing around the stage in a little red one piece outfit that's gonna look real familiar to comic book fetishists out there. Now here's Ms Perry:


... and here's where some of you might have seen that nifty little number before:



That's right - Katie's channel Diana Prince Jr, aka Wondergirl, also known as Wonder Woman Lite, Wonder Reduced, and the Economy Version. Even the sequins match the stars on Donna Troy's red catsuit. If the microphone had a line attached then it could've doubled for a magic lasso! As for myself, though I was doubtful about Perry as Wonder Woman, she might be a better Wondergirl. Besides, that was the role that gave Debra Winger her start!

Socially acceptable bondage - in one form or another!

So there you have it: a couple of cases of young celebs who've found a short cut to top. Talent and performance aside they've made sex a bog part of the package. It's paying off too. So we can expect a lot more wonderflash from the wondertrash coming soon. Just be careful if you decide to try this at home. There's bound to be strings attached to these short cuts, and they won't be the magic lasso of truth, either! Those ties that bind can get awfully tight if those high profile celebrity fuck ups are any indication. It seems to happen more sooner than later too!

John Travolta sues Gawker over sex life smear

John Travolta has recently welcomed his new son Benjamin into the world. Even though this is a blessed event, now is not a time of undiluted happiness for the actor. Travolta is suing the Gawker over a series of articles on his 'secret sex life'. The article in question was penned, or posted, by Robert Randolph, and contained excerpts from his salaciously titled book The Secret Sex Life of John Travolta. According to Randolph's self published book, the author claims to have seen Travolta frolicking about steam rooms with hunky young men on multiple occasions. In fact Randolph claims to have stories on Travolta going back some 15 years.

There are usually at least two sides to every story. In this case Travolta's law talkin' guy Marty Singer is there to present the B side. According to Singer these allegations are “false and outrageous”. Singer also goes on to point out that these stories go back 15 years, yet Randolph has only just recently brought them to light. Singer then goes on to point out that the idea that Travolta “engaged in multiple adulterous sexual encounters in different public locations in Los Angeles (where he does not live), and that each time, the (nonexistent) events were coincidentally witnessed by [Randolph], is absolutely ridiculous.” Singer then goes on top point out that Randolph - by his own admission - suffers from permanent brain damage. According to Singer this adds up to “blatant defamatory lies” from a “patently unreliable source.”

Now when your good name is besmirched like that the usual recourse is to the law. So Travolta and Singer are suing. They claim that Gawker is “significantly compounding the damages” incurred by Travolta. With that in mind Singer is demanding - on Mr Travolta's behalf, that the Gawker immediately and permanently remove said article from their site & and publish an “unequivocal and prominent retraction of the false and defamatory statements.”

If you're gonna take aim at big game like that then make sure you've got a unimpeachable source, or at least some one without brain damage. Without the wonder, it's just trash.

The Party at Kitty and Stud's

Coming soon!

The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Have you got $412,100.00 to throw away? Unless you're a crooked CEO the answer is probably "no". If you did though then you might be able to buy a little piece of motion picture history. The piece of history in question is a 35mm film featuring a future Hollywood superstar in his unlikely first role.

Most actors didn't start out at the top. Sean Connery was an undertaker's assistant, Brad Pitt dressed as a giant chicken (not Peter Griffith's animated nemesis), Courtney Cox & Johnny Depp were telemarketers, and Gov Arnold Schwarzenegger had that unfortunate Hercules Goes to New York flick. Now Sylvester Stallone's contribution to show business regret has come to light. It's the aforesaid movie being auctioned off on EBay, and what makes it really special is that it's soft core porno.

The movie is called The Party at Kitty and Stud's, As you can probably guess Sly plays Stud. He was paid a mere $200 for 2 days work. However after his career took off, the producers of The Party At Kitty And Stud's renamed their little venture The Italian Stallion. Stallone went on to make well more than $200 a picture. His latest release The Expendables has put him back on the Hollywood map by grossing $265 million worldwide. So who knows what future collectible value this little gem might have! I just hope Stallone's little outing is as entertaining as Oscar dela Hoya's home films!

Momma Mia

a little tittle tattle

The Gawker has caught everyone's attention with a salacious bit of tittle tattle posted earlier today. According to their blind gossip item a major celebrity - barely an A Lister in their words - is a very sick customer. When they say sick they mean well beyond the usual Hollywood standards. This guy isn't just content with anal sex, or to crap in chicks' mouths, like the rest of those Walk of Fame perverts. This guy's into a whole other ball of wax!

Don't take my word for it. The exact piece posted went like this:

He calls his mates "mom" and sucks his thumb after sex. This famous ladies' man's girlfriend got knocked up to snag him and this pregnant celeb is having a test tube baby. Everyone has mommy issues!

1. "According to an ex-girlfriend of this A list movie actor (barely A list by the way), our actor likes to call the person he is having sex with, "mom" and also sucks his thumb after sex. Can you say disturbing?" [CDaN]

Man that's some awful stuff! Though we might have expected this kind of stuff from Ronald & Nancy Reagan, we expect something more dangerous and exotic from our professional actors! Strangely not many people are asking who it could be. It's as if folks already have some pretty strong ideas about who the Hollywood Mama's Boy might be. Now Hollywood is spoiled for choice when it comes to selecting among deviants, however there's just one name that shoots ahead of the rest when it comes to these sort of shenanigans.

The name of course is David Arquette and he was vocal on Howard Stern's Sirius Radio about the mommy angle in his Courtney Cox relationship. He told Howie that Courts dumped him because she was tired of being his "Mommy". Now we all took that to be figurative. You know the sort of thing; Dave was an immature and irresponsible oaf - like Homer Simpson - and Courts got tired of playing Marge. However as the following CNN video confirms, he did cry after sex.

No wonder Courtney dumped his sissy ass! That must've just gotten way too creepy after awhile. That's so far beyond creepy that waking up post coitus on Dexter's dissection table would be a relief in comparison to the crying and thumb sucking. Many people cry after sex, and even during and before. Also sucking is not an unknown occurrence. However what if this points to some kind of deeper issue. There's a very short step from crying to thumb sucking. So could Mr. Arquette by the Gawker Mystery Weenie? Like we say here @ Wondertrash "celebrities are fucked up people!". I wonder if Dave made Courtney spank him during sex, and if this sis something he picked up off of Brit Celebs? I hear that they're all into that shit over there! Why couldn't he be into normal kinky stuff, like every other pervert not on a sex offenders' registry?

Is Lady Gaga a soul stealer?

More Gaga

Lady Gaga has been accused of some weird shit, like being a hermaphrodite, being a bad influence, being a druggie, corrupting the youth of America, ripping off Madonna's routine, and being a member of the Illuminati (according to Tila Tequila). Now she's been accused of soul stealing. If she hasn't exactly stolen some one's sol then she is being accused of stealing their work and style.

Gaga used to work with a young Russian woman named Lina Morgana. Now Lina's mother Yana has come out and claimed that Gaga ripped off Lina's act - so that get's Gaga off the hook with Madonna at least. According to Yana, her daughter Lina - who committed suicide - pioneered the act. Then Gaga turned around and ripped it off. She imitated everything from Lina dress style to her music.

Even worse Yana claims that gaga misappropriated Lina's life. Gaga alsways claims to have had a dark and depressed upbringing. Ms Morgana points out that Gaga was raised pretty well off. Gaga even went to an elite Catholic girls school, where she was a class mate of Nicky Hilton. According to Morgana, Gaga had everything she wanted out of the world. It was her own daughter who was dark and depressed.

So the basis of Morgana's complaint is that Gaga is using her daughter as the material for her own act. Worse still Gaga is doing this without crediting Lina. With that in mind Yana Morgana wants the rights to release some Gaga-Morgana material. That's about 12 songs that the gals worked on together. Now with the right to release them comes also the right to cash in on them.

Soul stealing is a harsh term. Unless Gaga has been taking voodoo lessons from Angelina Jolie, this seems more like a case of some one ripping off borrowing from a former partner. In entertainment they do it all the time. It's usually called inspiration, unless they get caught at it. Then it's called a tribute. If this is an uncredited tribute then Gaga has done pretty good by it. SO why then shouldn't Yana Morgana get a piece of the action. Her name is just as catchy as Gaga's (another crucial link in the chain of evidence!), and her daughter is in the 12 videos! Family is family, but it's funny how money usually has something to do with it.

don't leave home without it - but know when to keep it in your pants!

In other news Divine Browne is getting married. Now if you don't know who that is then just think Hugh Grant. Browne was the chick he got arrested with back when he got caught by LA's finest getting a 40$ blow job in the back seat of a car. Grant tried explaining that one away by claiming that Browne was an old friend. that may be true - but the police suspected that he was seeing her in her professional capacity. So off to jail he went; and long enough for a nifty mug shot!

Well Hugh's life and career went into a tailspin after that. His significant other Liz Hurley, walked out on him. This in spite of the fact that she'd been screwing Tom Sizemore (they met on the set of Passenger 51) long before Browne was ever heard of. Sizemore regarded seducing Hurley as a triumph, since he hated Grant. Tom says that during his wild animalistic sex with Hurley (that's right, according to Sizemore, Hurley was a tiger in the sack!), he kept picturing Grant's "smug handsome" face. That set most folk to wondering why Sizemore was thinking about a guy while he was doing a girl.

Since Hurley and Grant were a package deal sold to the American public as "high class sex" their split up was a career set back for Grant. His solicitation arrest didn't do much for his shy Englishman image either. Anyway he was soon recast from Mickey Blue Eyes type roles, to ones where he played creepy cad types. He also starting flipping out at paparazzi on a regular basis. The was photoed trying to nail one annoying shutter bug with a can of baked beans (only in England!) - that story is in the Wondertrash archives. He then went on to kick another guy in the groin.

Hugh was a troubled man during that period. Then just when it looked like things had blown over, Divine Browne comes back out of the wood work. The former hooker has announced that she's becoming an honest woman, and getting herself hitched up. Naturally she wants to invite Hugh. Understandable since Grant has done so much for her. More than the $40!

Since Browne's brush with fame she's pocketed almost 2 million in media deals. So she's marrying as a rich woman. Since Grant made this possible it only seems right and good that a place be set for him amongst the wedding guests. Whether he'll show or not is another matter. My advice - be a good sport, show up, and drink as much champagne as they'll let you. After all, Hugh earned it!

Now for celebrity trivia purposes Hugh's arrest number - s shown in the above mugshot - is BK4454813. The Illuminati will know exactly what that means (adds up to 32), and why Hugh is so unhappy about it. As for the rest of us, it makes a nifty computer password (not mine!). It also serves as a reminder that anyone can get into a little trouble with the law. Even the best of good guys.

The above instance it might have had something to do with repeated cases of indecent exposure!


We can only hope that Wonder Woman has learned her lesson. However I fear that like Lindsay Lohan, Wonder Woman is incorrigible!

Celebrity Fuckery

It's been a busy time for celebs. For one thing Chelsea Clinton has gotten , or is getting, married or something. That's the event President Barack Obama wasn't invited to - according to the President on the View.





Now it never hurts to suck up to the boss, even if you're a Hilary Clinton caliber bitch. Besides it couldn't hurt to have another Nobel Prize winner at the festivities - assuming that disgraced environmentalist Al Gore was invited. Maybe the Prez' RSVP got lost in the mail or something. Anyhow the main thing is that l'il Chelsea has the guts to go through with this, and not let her parents loveless arrangement, or her father's sleazy shenanigans (I hear that Big Bill is desperate for an introduction to Oksana Grigorieva. He might have heard that she's a manipulative gold digging whore, but when Bill hears blow job everything else gets blocked out!) sour her on the institution of marriage. You have to admire that kind of crazy optimism!

The full Monty

Speaking of crazy sex shenanigans, that brings us to CSI star Lawrence Fishburne. Now it's not Larry that's gotten into sex related scandal, though working along side the latex clad Carrie Ann Moss in 3 Matrix films would pout a strain on any man. His daughter Montana has decided to break into show business by way of pornography. Now that might sound like the back door into the business, and in more ways than one, but young Montana (Larry was originally gonna call the girl Karma Amethyst Fishburne but wasn't famous enough for an outlandish celebrity offspring name at the time.) claims she knows what she's doing. Monty says that she's been a close observer of Kim Kardashian and couldn't help noticing that KK's sex tape was a career breakthrough! Look for Monty's sex video to be released this very month!

Celebrity Zombies & Hollywood Undead

From the ridiculous to the obscene: former supermodel and current rehabbing bitch Janice Dickinson claims that she loves her body. Now that sounds like a tall tale (or a creepy adult film) since most people would be hard pressed to find anything lovable about Dickinson's weather beaten, booze pickled, plasticized body these days. In fact it would be hard to find much even vaguely human about it.

Dickinson says, however, that she's put in too much work and invested too much money to be indifferent to it. She's had enough botox injected into her to blight proof crops in the entire 3 world. Plus she's had a lot of drastic plastic surgery. Her mouth keeps varying in size and shape each time she's photographed. In fact when you look at her photographs together they come off a little like one of those police Identikits where the features can be randomly changed.

However Dix attachment to her bod goes deeper then time and money wasted. She confesses that there's an obsessive compulsive element to it to. For instance she's going beyond plastic surgery and into flaky New Age techniques like yoga and meditation. Says Ms Dickie: 'I have to make sure I exercise and that the ingredients that go into my body are completely organic.
'I relax, meditate and do 80 minutes of yoga every day. I hike and make sure everything I eat is organic. I eat steamed fish, chicken and turkey, plus salads, carrot juice and supplements.'

Besides, Dickie has a goal in mind. As to what possesses her to go through the grim ordeal of age defying, Dickie replies: "I'm going to be the best looking corpse on the planet!' If that's the plan then she can relax. Some of us think that she already is. Well she's got the corpse thing down anyway!

Al Gore Still Gets No Respect

"... after all I've done for this planet!"

You have to say one thing about People magazine - they cover more than fluff pieces about celebrity weight loses and what famous folks are wearing to the prom awards shows, occasionally. For instance they've finally gotten around to the Al Gore story. The former next president of the United States got him self in a spot of bother about 4 years back in Portland, Oregon when he asked a massage therapist to do some work on his second chakra. Among New Agers "second chakra" is a euphemism for sexual healing.

"Hands off my sacroiliac!" Al gets touchy

It started innocently enough when Gore asked the masseuse to work on his adductors. They're a series of muscles at he top of the pelvic region and stimulation can trigger an erection. According to the massage therapist that's exactly what happened. It also lead to some Borat like sexy time antics. Gore started moaning and groaning. He then, allegedly, tried to seduce the therapist by singing some Pink songs and rubbing against her provocatively. The therapist was so jarred by her experience that she later described Gore as a "sex crazed poodle". She also claims to have his pants safely stored in a bank deposit box pending the out come of further investigations & negotiations!

sometimes when we touch, the honesty's too much

Now the National Enquirer, & Wondertrash, were right on this one over a week ago. Other media outlets remained silent. Al Gore has become something of an eco hero what with his rock star friends like Bono & Sting, not to mention his non committal efforts to reduced your carbon foot prints. So I guess that people wanted to give the Green Lantern the benefit of the doubt. Gore has made that a little more difficult by issuing an official denial - generally a bad sign. That's where People comes in.

"I've got People who'll vouch for me!"

Gore people contacted People to get some sympathetic unbiased media coverage on this sensitive and highly embarrassing issue. You know it's the sort of thing that FOX would have a field day with; Bill O Reilly would eat Gore alive over something like that! It's the sort of a scene that a Southern Gentleman like Gore just doesn't need. So Kalee Krieder - a "close family friend", got right on the hone to people to give them the official version of events that didn't happen! Says Miss Kalee:

"Further investigation into this matter will only benefit Mr. Gore. The Gores cannot comment on every defamatory, misleading and inaccurate story generated by tabloids. Mr. Gore unequivocally and emphatically denied this accusation when he first learned of its existence three years ago. He stands by that!"

The medium is the massage

Now that's talking like you've got nothing to hide! Having some one else say it for you is even more convincing! The police aren't convinced though, 'cause they've reopened the investigation on the incident! They originally let it slide because of insufficient evidence, & because Captain Planet was working for the greater good. The story picked up steam when the mystery masseuse started making the rounds of down market media concerns - like the Pulitzer Prize nominated National Enquirer, and asking for a cool million in exchange for her version of events. She's also suing Gore - surprise, surprise.

playboy of the western world

My own view is that Gore is no player. If he was a Tiger Woods caliber playboy then he would have obviously plied the masseuse with Ambien and expensive booze. He'd then have slyly waited until the drugs and booze carried her over into that "Oh why not?' state of mind. Then after a few cheap moves, of the kind you could pick up by watching 3's Company reruns - he'd have been in like Flynn, & faster than you could say Jon Gosselin! Al Gore is just too big a dweeb to possibly be guilty of anything remotely like sexual misconduct! At least we can say on thing unequivocally about this incident - Al Gore doesn't take credit for everything!

In a related story Celebitchy is doing a post on whether Adam Grenier, from Entourage, has crossed the line from sexy bad boy to disgusting douche bag. I just hope he hasn't started peeing on people! If they make reference to atrocious BO, then you can guess the story is true. The predominant scat play fetish in Hollywood has left some of our most beloved stars smelling like uncleaned outhouses! Poor Adam - as a good looking guy with limited talent and no rep for brains he could've been the next Keanu Reeves!

Sexy 'n' Sorry

positions with perks

When you're a big high powered celebrity doin' some screwin' is just one of the perks of the position. Of course sometimes things get out of hand. Like in the strange case of Robin Mortimer. Mortimer is the founder, and boss,of British Motorcross. he also had a healthy interest in some unhealthy pastimes; like bondage and extreme sadomasochism.

Mortimer had a wife, however still felt the need to go trolling around London's numerous sicko clubs looking for a little relief from his urges. That's where he made the acquaintance of Mistress Lucrezia. Ms Lucrezia is one of Europe's most perverted dominatrices, and a prostitute. Together with her partner Mistress Juno, the woman who describes herself as “sadistic, intelligent & perverse," and "a sadist of the worst kind,” entertained Mortimer at her Belgian flat for over the course of a weekend. Somewhere between the whips, chains, and nitrous oxide, Mortimer died. Prosecutors are awaiting the results of a full autopsy before deciding how to proceed. That leaves everyone else asking "How did Jesse James ever miss out on this bitch?"

BTW nitrous oxide fueled sex is what killed Brit funny man Peter Sellars.

Destiny's love child

The combination of sexy & sorry has reached into the rarefied world of super entertainer Beyonce Knowles. Knowles has stopped speaking to her father, and completely shut him out of her life after it was revealed that he fathered a love child with a woman 20 years his junior. DNA tests confirmed that Matthew Knowles father a son, Nixon (that name never works out) on his 38 year old mistress Alexsandra Wright, and he did it while still married to Beyonce's mom!

Matthew managed Beyonce's career through her early rise to fame with Destiny's Child. However things have reached an all time low point between Beyonce & her dad. Unnamed sources are quoted as saying:

"Beyoncé was horrified to find out her dad cheated on her mom. She always looked up to him, and she is very close to her mom, so this has hit her really hard. She is refusing to speak to him, which is making things difficult where it comes to managing her career. Some people at Columbia now think it would be better to move him aside."

The suit was filed back in October, and the resulting DNA tests have allowed the courts to compel the Knowles the elder to pay almost $9000 a month in child support. It also helped trigger a divorce between Beyonce's parents. Naturally Beyonce's PR reps are hard at work denying the obvious. Says one: "There is no merit to this. This is absolutely false."

BTW if Wright's name sounds familar it might be because she was no the TV series Scrubs.


celebrity quote of the day:

“People write to me and say, ‘I’m giving up, you’re not talking to me.’ I just write them a simple message like, ‘Never give up,’ you know? And it changes their life.”
~Justin Bieber

That Bieber is really on the ball. Speaking of which baseball season has begun and a healthy interest in sports is a good remedy for an unhealthy interest in sexy time - Unless you're ARoid!. So Keep you eye on the ball & remember something inspioring that some one else told you sometime! That way you can avoid bugging Bieber.

GIFSoup

Speaking of freaky sex Lexx hottie Xenia Seeberg has veered into the extremes of drastic plastic surgery. Since splitting with her hubby (he called it quits after Xenia, a black belt in Tae Kwon Do, beat the shit out of him. The poor man had to show up at the Berlin premier of Inglorious Basterds wearing shades and an eye patch - also with a new chick!) Xenia has had a insecurity crisis. She assumes that the marriage tanked out because she's losing her looks, instead of because she beat the crap out of her man - men never complained about it before. So she's gone under the knife for extensive touch ups. Here now is a world exclusive of Xenia's post surgery face!


I'm sure that it'll look just fine once the sharp edges flatten out out. On the bright side her fore head is very smooth.