Now it never hurts to suck up to the boss, even if you're a Hilary Clinton caliber bitch. Besides it couldn't hurt to have another Nobel Prize winner at the festivities - assuming that disgraced environmentalist Al Gore was invited. Maybe the Prez' RSVP got lost in the mail or something. Anyhow the main thing is that l'il Chelsea has the guts to go through with this, and not let her parents loveless arrangement, or her father's sleazy shenanigans (I hear that Big Bill is desperate for an introduction to Oksana Grigorieva. He might have heard that she's a manipulative gold digging whore, but when Bill hears blow job everything else gets blocked out!) sour her on the institution of marriage. You have to admire that kind of crazy optimism!
The full Monty
Speaking of crazy sex shenanigans, that brings us to CSI star Lawrence Fishburne. Now it's not Larry that's gotten into sex related scandal, though working along side the latex clad Carrie Ann Moss in 3 Matrix films would pout a strain on any man. His daughter Montana has decided to break into show business by way of pornography. Now that might sound like the back door into the business, and in more ways than one, but young Montana (Larry was originally gonna call the girl Karma Amethyst Fishburne but wasn't famous enough for an outlandish celebrity offspring name at the time.) claims she knows what she's doing. Monty says that she's been a close observer of Kim Kardashian and couldn't help noticing that KK's sex tape was a career breakthrough! Look for Monty's sex video to be released this very month!
Celebrity Zombies & Hollywood Undead
From the ridiculous to the obscene: former supermodel and current rehabbing bitch Janice Dickinson claims that she loves her body. Now that sounds like a tall tale (or a creepy adult film) since most people would be hard pressed to find anything lovable about Dickinson's weather beaten, booze pickled, plasticized body these days. In fact it would be hard to find much even vaguely human about it.Dickinson says, however, that she's put in too much work and invested too much money to be indifferent to it. She's had enough botox injected into her to blight proof crops in the entire 3 world. Plus she's had a lot of drastic plastic surgery. Her mouth keeps varying in size and shape each time she's photographed. In fact when you look at her photographs together they come off a little like one of those police Identikits where the features can be randomly changed.
However Dix attachment to her bod goes deeper then time and money wasted. She confesses that there's an obsessive compulsive element to it to. For instance she's going beyond plastic surgery and into flaky New Age techniques like yoga and meditation. Says Ms Dickie: 'I have to make sure I exercise and that the ingredients that go into my body are completely organic.
'I relax, meditate and do 80 minutes of yoga every day. I hike and make sure everything I eat is organic. I eat steamed fish, chicken and turkey, plus salads, carrot juice and supplements.'
Besides, Dickie has a goal in mind. As to what possesses her to go through the grim ordeal of age defying, Dickie replies: "I'm going to be the best looking corpse on the planet!' If that's the plan then she can relax. Some of us think that she already is. Well she's got the corpse thing down anyway!
