Al Gore Still Gets No Respect

"... after all I've done for this planet!"

You have to say one thing about People magazine - they cover more than fluff pieces about celebrity weight loses and what famous folks are wearing to the prom awards shows, occasionally. For instance they've finally gotten around to the Al Gore story. The former next president of the United States got him self in a spot of bother about 4 years back in Portland, Oregon when he asked a massage therapist to do some work on his second chakra. Among New Agers "second chakra" is a euphemism for sexual healing.

"Hands off my sacroiliac!" Al gets touchy

It started innocently enough when Gore asked the masseuse to work on his adductors. They're a series of muscles at he top of the pelvic region and stimulation can trigger an erection. According to the massage therapist that's exactly what happened. It also lead to some Borat like sexy time antics. Gore started moaning and groaning. He then, allegedly, tried to seduce the therapist by singing some Pink songs and rubbing against her provocatively. The therapist was so jarred by her experience that she later described Gore as a "sex crazed poodle". She also claims to have his pants safely stored in a bank deposit box pending the out come of further investigations & negotiations!

sometimes when we touch, the honesty's too much

Now the National Enquirer, & Wondertrash, were right on this one over a week ago. Other media outlets remained silent. Al Gore has become something of an eco hero what with his rock star friends like Bono & Sting, not to mention his non committal efforts to reduced your carbon foot prints. So I guess that people wanted to give the Green Lantern the benefit of the doubt. Gore has made that a little more difficult by issuing an official denial - generally a bad sign. That's where People comes in.

"I've got People who'll vouch for me!"

Gore people contacted People to get some sympathetic unbiased media coverage on this sensitive and highly embarrassing issue. You know it's the sort of thing that FOX would have a field day with; Bill O Reilly would eat Gore alive over something like that! It's the sort of a scene that a Southern Gentleman like Gore just doesn't need. So Kalee Krieder - a "close family friend", got right on the hone to people to give them the official version of events that didn't happen! Says Miss Kalee:

"Further investigation into this matter will only benefit Mr. Gore. The Gores cannot comment on every defamatory, misleading and inaccurate story generated by tabloids. Mr. Gore unequivocally and emphatically denied this accusation when he first learned of its existence three years ago. He stands by that!"

The medium is the massage

Now that's talking like you've got nothing to hide! Having some one else say it for you is even more convincing! The police aren't convinced though, 'cause they've reopened the investigation on the incident! They originally let it slide because of insufficient evidence, & because Captain Planet was working for the greater good. The story picked up steam when the mystery masseuse started making the rounds of down market media concerns - like the Pulitzer Prize nominated National Enquirer, and asking for a cool million in exchange for her version of events. She's also suing Gore - surprise, surprise.

playboy of the western world

My own view is that Gore is no player. If he was a Tiger Woods caliber playboy then he would have obviously plied the masseuse with Ambien and expensive booze. He'd then have slyly waited until the drugs and booze carried her over into that "Oh why not?' state of mind. Then after a few cheap moves, of the kind you could pick up by watching 3's Company reruns - he'd have been in like Flynn, & faster than you could say Jon Gosselin! Al Gore is just too big a dweeb to possibly be guilty of anything remotely like sexual misconduct! At least we can say on thing unequivocally about this incident - Al Gore doesn't take credit for everything!

In a related story Celebitchy is doing a post on whether Adam Grenier, from Entourage, has crossed the line from sexy bad boy to disgusting douche bag. I just hope he hasn't started peeing on people! If they make reference to atrocious BO, then you can guess the story is true. The predominant scat play fetish in Hollywood has left some of our most beloved stars smelling like uncleaned outhouses! Poor Adam - as a good looking guy with limited talent and no rep for brains he could've been the next Keanu Reeves!