One Shining Moment: College Football Offseason

Great job SolidVerbal.

Looking Good Pete Rose

I honestly don't know how the ladies can keep their hands off old Charlie Hustle. If you got a fetish for clowns then Rose is your Bozo. I thought Rose wanted to get into Cooperstown? His wardrobe is worse than his gambling. You might want to pick up that phone...it's Craig Sager asking for his suit back.

Pathetic Yankees Fans Can't Even Sell Out Opening Day

48,226 (92.3% full) - % is based on regular season capacity-ESPN.com

Congratulations New York. You showed today that again you could give two shits about your 27-time World Series Champions. On Opening Day in your god awful city you couldn't even muster up the courage to go see your beloved Yankees beat the Tigers on Opening Day. If I ever hear a fucking New Yorker talk about how shitty Atlanta fans are I'm just going to point out this blog.

Atlanta Fans > New Yorkers

2011 MLB PREDICTIONS

Opening day is here. Can you smell the Cracker jacks? Can you taste the cold beer? Can you hear the crack of the bat? I do. I'm ready for some baseball. Before the season starts I want to get some predictions out of the way. If you want to go ahead and just print these out that would be great. Because it's the truth.

AL EAST-The Boston Red Sox will run away with this division. Both the Yankees and the Rays took serious steps back while the Sox went out and added Carl Crawford and Adrian Gonzalez. The Orioles are vastly improved from last season with the additions of Vlad, Derrek Lee, Mark Reynolds, and J.J. Hardy to the starting lineup. They don't have the pitching to win the East but if a lot of things fall their way (young staff develops, hitters stay healthy, bullpen strong) they can win 88 plus games this year and maybe sneak a Wild Card out of it. The Jays are still in Canada.

AL CENTRAL-The Chicago White Sox win an extremely tight race with the Detroit Tigers and Minnesota Twins coming just a game or two short. All 3 of these teams are interchangeable and I could see the Tigers or the Twins winning this division. It will come down to which team can stay healthy. The Indians will again be terrible. The Royals have a ton of young talent but are still a year or two away from being a legitimate Central contender.

AL WEST-The Texas Rangers win a close race with the Oakland A's. The Rangers are the returning AL Champs and should again be strong but I have some doubt their pitching holds up like it did last year. Losing Vlad hurts too. The A's have some really good young starters and could shock the baseball world and win the whole thing this year. No kidding. I don't see the Angels doing much and the Mariners will again be awful.

WILD CARD-Oakland A's. I like the additions of Willingham and Matsui to the lineup and I really like their pitching.
AL MVP: Adrian Gonzalez
AL Cy Young:Justin Verlander
AL Rookie of the Year:Zach Britton
AL Comeback Player of the Year: J.J. Hardy

NL EAST-The Phillies just have too much pitching. They ran away with the division last year despite not having Cliff Lee and numerous injuries. Losing Jayson Werth hurts but somebody will step up. The Atlanta Braves are right up there with the Phillies and Giants in terms of strong starting pitching. They could catch lightning in a bottle with young guys like Jason Heyward and Freddie Freeman carrying the lineup. The Marlins, Mets, and Nationals don't have a prayer in this division.

NL CENTRAL-The Reds should win this division all though I do love the Brewers team. Joey Votto and Jay Bruce should have monster seasons and carry the Reds over the Brewers. The Cardinals are a sleeper and if they still had Adam Wainwright I would probably take them to win this division. With Carps questionable and the controversy over Pujols upcoming free agency and Larussa getting shit faced while driving to the park it could be a disastrous season in St. Louis. The Cubs are the Cubs. There is always next year. The Astros and the Pirates might be the two worst teams in baseball.

NL WEST-I really want to take the Colorado Rockies but I just can't. The Giants pitching is just too dominant. The Ganja is strong with San Fran. The Dodgers have a ton of talent but the organization is a mess. The Diamondbacks just aren't good. Giants win a close race with the Rockies.

NL WILDCARD: Atlanta Braves. If the Braves don't win the wild card then take the Phillies here.
NL MVP:Troy Tulowitzki
NL Cy Young:Roy Halladay
NL Rookie of the Year:Craig Kimbrel
NL Comeback Player of the Year:Pablo Sandoval

ALDS Predictions: Red Sox over Oakland, White Sox over Texas
NLDS Predictions: Phillies over Reds, Braves over Giants

ALCS Prediction: Red Sox over White Sox
NLCS Prediction: Braves over Phillies

WORLD SERIES: Red Sox over Braves in 6 games.

This is what happens when you try to fight NBA Legend Dominique Wilkins

From the AJC.com...

The man charged with attacking NBA Hall of Famer Dominique Wilkins is disputing that he instigated the incident.

Rashan S. Michel allegedly punched Wilkins after Wednesday night's Hawks-Magic game because, he said, Wilkins owed him money, Atlanta police said.

Michel, 36, was arrested and charged with one count of simple battery following the incident, Officer K.Y. Jones with Atlanta police told the AJC. Michel was released on $1,000 bond early Thursday morning.

Michel, who told police he was owed money for suits purchased several years ago, hit Wilkins in the chest and also hit a security guard, Jones said. Michel, of Atlanta, has worked as an NBA and college basketball referee and previously owned his own clothing store.

"The fan was promptly arrested and was taken into custody by the Atlanta Police Department," Hawks spokesman Arthur Triche said in a statement to the AJC. "At this time the Hawks have no additional information or comment regarding this situation."

NBA.com's Sekou Smith tweeted that Wilkins got in three "solid" punches during the brief fight, while his assailant landed none.

Let this be a lesson kids. Never. And I mean never. Confront a NBA legend on his own home court and demand money. Only bad things can happen to you and your face. When it comes to Atlanta legends the Human Highlight Reel is right up there with the all-time greats. I'm talking Hank Aaron, Dale Murphy, Chipper Jones, Ozzie Virgil, and then you have to slot Dominique in there. Nique delivers one hell of a punch whether it be stiffing a $13k bill or throwing down a windmill. And if you wore stripes you need to know your role. Call fouls. Don't create.

Another Huge Shocker: The Fiesta Bowl is Corrupt

Yesterday the Fiesta Bowl released a report which revealed that the bowl committee, which is suppose to be a non-profit organization, had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on illegal political contributions, strip club visits (yay!), a lavish birthday party for the president John Junker, and many other gifts and personal travel. All of this while schools like UCONN who participated in the Fiesta Bowl last year reportedly lost up to $2 million because they were required to buy an allotment of tickets they could not sell.

I love the sweet smell of BCS corruption. Right now the face of the corruption is John Junker. He's the dickhead who makes $592,000 a year to organize and corrupt one fucking game. He's going to be the scapegoat but I can guarangoddamntee you that every single Bowl president in college football is corrupt. Hell the whole system is corrupt. Junker spent $33,000 on his own fucking birthday party in Pebble Beach and charged it to the Fiesta Bowl. He spent another $13,000 to throw a wedding for one of his assistants. These assholes have literally been stealing money and getting away with it for decades. If you ever wonder why we don't have a playoff system it is because all of these jerkoffs are getting paid out of the ass to keep the status quo.

And this is why the BCS is like our political system. Nothing changes other than the rich get richer. They steal from the poor and give it to the rich. They create these non-profit organizations and literally steal money from schools, tax payers, and us the fans. Junker maybe the face of it right now but the Rose Bowl, Orange, Sugar, and all the other bowls have some dickhead who is literally stealing money from us while they hit up the strip clubs, buy whores, swing the golf clubs, and pay off the next politician while throwing ridiculous parties. They give each other fake bonuses and pats on the back while shoving down our throats their BCS propraganda.

There are 120 Football Bowl Subdivision presidents who currently support the status quo of bowls as the way to crown a national champion. The reason why they support it is because they make the most money out of the system. It's sickening and it needs to change. Hopefully Junker and the Fiesta Bowl was just the first domino to fall.

Ex-Auburn Players Claim "Money Handshakes" were the norm

Tonight at 10pm on HBO's Real Sports journalist Andrea Kremer has a segment called "Pay to Play" in which she chronicles 4 ex-Auburn football players who received numerous "money handshakes" upwards to $4000 per game for playing in college football games.

SportsByBrooks.com received an advance copy of the segment and transcribed some of the interviews with former Auburn players Stanley McClover, Chaz Ramsey, Troy Reddick, and Raven Gray.

On McClover’s recruitment:
Kremer voiceover: “McClover said it wasn’t until he attended an all-star camp at Louisiana State University that he realized how the game is played. A game of money and influence.”
McClover: “Somebody came to me, I don’t even know this person and he was like, ‘we would love for you to come to LSU and he gave me a handshake and it had five hundred dollars in there. … that’s called a money handshake … I grabbed it and I’m like, ‘wow,’ hell I thought ten dollars was a lot of money back then. Five hundred dollars for doing nothing but what I was blessed to do. I was happy.”
Kremer to McClover: “What did you say to the guy when he hands you five hundred dollars?”
McClover: “Thank you and I’m seriously thinking about coming to LSU.”
Kremer voiceover: “But McClover says there were money handshakes from boosters at other football camps too. At Auburn for a couple hundred dollars and at Michigan State. All the schools denied any wrongdoing. And things really started heating up a few months later when he went to Ohio State for an official visit where schools get a chance for one weekend to host prospective athletes. McClover says there were money handshakes from alumni there too. About a thousand dollars. And something else to entice him.”
McClover: “They send girls my way. I partied. When I got there I met up with a couple guys from the team. We went to a party and they asked me to pick any girl I wanted.”
Kremer: “Did she offer sexual services?“
McClover: “Yes.”
Kremer: “Did you take them?”
McClover: “Yes.”
Kremer: “McClover committed to Ohio State right after that weekend. The recruiter at Ohio State who says he dealt with McClover that weekend denied the school was involved in any wrongdoing.”
On what caused McClover to sign with Auburn over Ohio State:
Kremer voiceover: “McClover says what he asked for was money. A lot of it. And that he got it. Delivered in a bookbag, exact amount unknown.”
Kremer to McClover: “You opened it up, what are you thinking?”
McClover: “I almost passed out. I literally almost passed out I couldn’t believe it was true. I felt like I owed them.”
Kremer to McClover: “You felt obligated to them (Auburn)?”
McClover: “I felt totally obligated.”
Kremer to McClover: “Because of the money?”
McClover: “Yeah.”
Troy Reddick talks about his recruitment by Auburn
Reddick: “I was contacted by a local alumni (of Auburn) and offered a large sum of money.
Kremer: “What are you thinking?”
Reddick: “That people are trying to take advantage of me. And I can’t give anybody any kind of power over me.”
Kremer voiceover: “He (Reddick) says he didn’t take the handout. …
Reddick on why he was unhappy at Auburn - and the remedy for that unhappiness
Kremer voiceover: “Reddick was growing increasingly unhappy because he says the (Auburn) coaches wanted him to change his major. Why? Because his class schedule got in the way of football practice.”
Reddick: “I changed my major, so my classes didn’t interfere no more but I didn’t bother to go because I knew I was only there to play football.”
Kremer: “So what did you do?”
Reddick: “I started complaining and insinuating that I was ready to leave any day. They had to do something about that.”
Kremer voiceover: “The enticement to stay, Reddick says, became clear to him, when one of the coaches approached him after a team meeting.”
Reddick: “He (Auburn coach) said I got some mail for you up in my office.”
Kremer to Reddick: “Some mail for you?”
Reddick: “And I followed him up to his office and he gave me an envelope. I didn’t open there, I walked out to my truck, took off. … It was about 500 dollars.”
Kremer: “500 dollars in the envelope?”
Reddick: (nods yes)
Kremer: “How often did you get the money in the envelope?”
Reddick: “Over that season it happened like two or three more times. And it happened about six or seven times my senior year.”
Kremer: “So where do you think the money came from?”
Reddick: “I think that worry got back to alumni from my hometown. Or it may have been the coaches or the staff but everybody knew I didn’t want to be there.”
On McClover being paid $4,000 for his performance in the Iron Bowl:
Kremer voiceover: “Stanley McClover says he was also paid while at school (Auburn). Paid by boosters. Like the time he had his eye on this 1973 Chevy Impala.”
McClover: “Private owner wanted seven thousand in cash so I went to my booster who I knew and he gave me the money the next day in a bookbag.”
Kremer voiceover: “McClover says eventually he didn’t have to ask for money, as long as he played well, he’d get paid.”
Kremer to McClover: “How much was a sack worth?”
McClover: “Anywhere between 300 and 400 dollars. For one.”
Kremer to McClover: “I think in one game you had four sacks, what did you earn in that game?”
McClover: “Four thousand. Against Alabama.”
Kremer: “Seriously?”
McClover: “Alabama, a rivalry game.”
Kremer: “More money because it’s Alabama?”
McClover: “Definitely. No other game matters.”
Chaz Ramsey and Raven Gray are interviewed at same time together
Kremer voiceover: “Chaz Ramsey played for a year (for Auburn) in 2007, and says he too received money handshakes after games.”
Ramsey: “You walk out and all the fans are waiting for you to sign autographs and everything and some random guy just walks up to you and shakes your hand and there’s a wad full of money.”
Kremer: “How much are we talking about?”
Ramsey: “300 or 400 dollars a game.”
Kremer voiceover: “Raven Gray was a top (Auburn) recruit in 2007, he says people affiliated with Auburn would visit him at his junior college and press the flesh there too.”
Kremer to Gray: “How much do you think you got?”
Gray: “Twenty five-hundred to three thousand dollars. Loyalty is the key. This man give me money I’m going to be loyal to him and go to Auburn.”
Kremer voiceover: “And he did go to Auburn but got injured before he ever played a game.”
On Ramsey’s motivation for coming forward
Kremer: “You have an axe to grind?” (Ramsey had a medical claim lawsuit against Auburn recently thrown out.)
Ramsey: “I’m not out to get anybody, I want high school athletes to know what they’re getting into. This is what college football is really about it, it’s a business.”
Ramsey and Reddick on selling items made available to Auburn players by the school:
Ramsey: “I would sell tickets all the time, Iron Bowl you can make a thousand dollars a ticket.”
Kremer: “How much money did that get you during your time at Auburn?”
Ramsey: “Five-six thousand dollars probably.”
Reddick: “I sold my SEC Championship watch right off the stage as we were celebrating in Toomer’s Corner.”
Kremer: “Why did you sell it?”
Reddick: “Because it was useless to me. I had to sell all my championship rings to help my sister not go into debt as her house was about to be foreclosed on.”

To some people this may come as shocking. College football players being paid cash by big universities like Auburn, Ohio State, Michigan State, and LSU to simply play the game. I know it sounds incredible right? (/sarcasm) Listen this kind of shit has been going on for decades. It's not even necessarily the school's fault. The boosters and renegade alumni/fans offer these kids hundreds if not thousands of dollars in cash and I'm sure the coaches and/or school officials have no idea it happens most of the time.

Major college football has been dirty for years. It happens everywhere. Everywhere. Some of the schools just don't get caught. Auburn is getting piled on right now because they just won a National Championship. It comes with the territory. I'm not going to hide my head in the sand and say my favorite school hasn't had some sort of impropriety when it comes to recruiting or keeping their current student-athletes happy while still in school. If I was a broke student-athlete like the majority of them are I can tell you one thing: I wouldn't turn down the money.

I'm looking forward to watching tonight's Real Sports. Hopefully they show the more human side of why these football players take the money and not make them look to be pariahs. What they did was wrong by taking the money according to NCAA rules but if it so common among campuses for something like this to happen on a daily occurrence then why are they not being arrested? Because they didn't break the law. They only broke NCAA rules.

Now go ahead and cue the "SEC always cheats!" and they play unfairly and my school doesn't and it give them a competitive advantage blah blah bull shit argument.

For more hard hitting journalism go to SportsByBrooks.com

O-H-I-CHEAT SHIRT

The brand new "O-H-I-CHEAT" Shirt is in honor of the Sweatervest up in Columbus. When he is not dotting the i in LIAR the Sweatervest is keeping his players on the field no matter how many rules they break. Get your "O-H-I-Cheat" shirt today at SPORTSCRACK.COM

Big Bang Theory's Kaley Cuoco is a big fan on the Shake Weight

What a natural. It's like her hands were built for it. I've never seen an episode of The Big Bang Theory or The Ellen Show for that matter but my viewing habits may have to change.

Video via ExtraMustard

Chris Mooney turns down Georgia Tech, hires Brian Gregory

Last week on my Facebook page I posted that Georgia Tech was in for some good news with confirmation from a reliable inside source that they were set to hire Richmond's Chris Mooney. From what I heard everything was agreed upon a couple of weeks ago and the deal would be announced whenever Richmond exited the tournament. Well Richmond finally lost in the Sweet 16 to Kansas and Mooney was expected to take the Georgia Tech job this week.

Well obviously that didn't happen. Yesterday Richmond announced they had signed Mooney to a ten-year extension. It appears Mooney used Georgia Tech to get a new contract and stay in Richmond. I've driven through Richmond many of times and have never had the desire to stop one time. Not even to take a piss. Mooney has to coach there for the next decade. Wow.

Last night Georgia Tech moved swiftly and hired their second choice in Dayton's Brian Gregory. Some people had lofty dreams of Butler's Brad Stevens coaching in the new Thriller Dome in 2012 but that was never going to happen. Stevens has turned Butler into a powerhouse with back-to-back Final Four appearances. Gregory and Mooney were the two realistic shots for a Georgia Tech basketball program who should be a perennial tournament team with the talent they can pull in the Atlanta area and playing in a major conference like the ACC. Gregory is not going to sell tickets. He took Dayton to the tournament two times in eight seasons there. Dayton went 48-48 in conference play in the last 6 seasons. Paul Hewitt got fired because he only had one winning season in ACC play. And Hewitt was a hell of a recruiter. I feel like Georgia Tech settled for a hamburger when they should be eating a steak.

Gregory could win big for Georgia Tech. Anything is possible. But I wouldn't bet on it. I loved it when Tech hired Paul Johnson to be their football coach because I knew he could win. I'm not so sure about Gregory. I'm sure athletic director Dan Radakovich feels the same way.

Minor? Beachy? Lopez? Or....

AP Photo

Let's chat about the Brave's pitching. There's no way I can have Matt, or probably many of you, agree with me, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I'd take the Braves pitching staff over any other staff in baseball. Granted, Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee, and Roy Oswalt are 3 of the top 10 pitchers in the game, but Tim Hudson, Tommy Hanson, and Derek Lowe aren't exactly slouches. For the sake of this post, let's get past the first 3 spots in the rotation and talk about starters 4 and 5.

AP Photo

Jair Jurrjens is 25 years old and like Hanson, has his best days ahead of him. In 4 seasons, Jurjjens has compiled a record of 37 wins and 27 losses, a 58% winning percentage, averaging 14 wins and 10 losses a season. His lifetime ERA is 3.52 with opponents only batting .251 against him.

AP Photo

Let's compare him versus Cole Hamels who has one more year of experience. Hamels has a record of 60 wins and 45 losses, a 57% winning percentage, averaging 14 wins and 10 losses a season. His lifetime ERA is 3.53 with opponents batting .242 against him. Let's also point out that Hamels has had a more potent lineup with Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, Jimmy Rollins, and Jayson Werth than Jurjjens has had with Brian McCann and Chipper Jones. Come on, I'm a huge Braves fan, but let's be realistic, they haven't had the consistency the Phillies have had the past few years. Anyone still want to be so quick to trade Jurrjens? Not this guy for sure. Anyone who wouldn't take those numbers in your number 4 starter probably doesn't know too much about baseball. With a much improved line up, Jurrjens is due to have an all star caliber year, assuming he stays healthy.

AP Photo

The more interesting part of this spring has been the battle for the 5th starter. Mike Minor has killed it in the minor leagues. In 2010, his first full year, he had a record of 6 wins and 7 losses with a 3.44 ERA. Minor has struck out 146 batters in only 120 innings pitched. The former Vanderbilt star has held batters to a .217 average last season before being called up to the club where he set a rookie record of 12 strikeouts in one game. Minor has pitched well this spring, but despite his phenomenal numbers throughout his minor league career he was beaten out of the fifth spot in the rotation.

Rodrigo Lopez was signed by the Braves in an effort to resurrect his pro career. I don't have a strong opinion on Lopez, but I do think he's shown enough of a presence to get traded to another team and compete for a fourth or fifth starters role. The Braves could use this guy if they didn't have such an embarrassment of riches on their hands, but the truth is they Braves are in a great spot and Lopez wants to be on a pro roster.

Kenshin Kawakami has been the biggest risk and biggest failure of the Frank Wren era. I don't want to say this guy doesn't have good stuff, but he's not a pro-caliber pitcher in the states. His pitches move enough, he has enough command, he has enough mound presence, but he hasn't been able to translate that to success in the major leagues. It's time to cut your losses and say goodbye to Kawakami. Just like Lopez, although I'd take Lopez any day over Kawakami, the Braves simply don't need him and he does not even come close to providing the stability nor the win factor to be the Brave's 5th starter.

AP Photo

Let's face it, all of these guys have been beaten out by an undrafted rookie, Brandon Beachy. Beachy has been nothing short of a WOW for the Braves. Since signing, he has been lights out, showing pin point control, dominating movement, and a demeanor well beyond his years across all levels of the organization. Beachy has no doubt won the 5th starter role this year and though he may be pitching as an audition for another team, he provides the best chance for the Braves to win now.

The catch of all of this is that the Braves have 5 including Minor and Beachy, of the top 10 pitching prospects in the game. Julio Teheran, Randall Delgado, and Arodys Vizcaino waiting in the wings. Think about the future rotation that could be Hanson, Jurjjens, Minor, Beachy, Teheran or Hanson, Teheran, Minor, Vizcaino, and Delgado. Put any of those five names together and you have a 1 - 5 rotation that may be the best to ever pitch together, including the Phillies 2011 staff and the Braves staffs of the 90's. As always, this is just one man's opinion, but the future looks bright.

The chips are still down for Chris Brown

I told you not to push the wrong buttons!

Charlie Sheen isn't the only celebrity missing a publicist. You can add Chris Brown to the list. It's been a rough year for Brown. Things went wrong for him a couple of Academy Awards ago. He and his then gal pal Rihanna were set to perform a duet number at the event. It was gonna be a big deal for them. Then pre Oscar nerves and anger issues got the better of Brown. While he and Rihanna were motoring around LA they had a disagreement; something about strange women leaving text messages on Brown phone. Next thing you knew Rihanna was wearing the steering wheel like a head band.

Normally that thing would've been hushed up. That's what publicists are for. However this time meddling members of the public got in the way. Witnesses to the altercation phoned the cops. Since Rihanna had taken the keys from the ignition and tossed them out the window - that's when Chris lost his shit - there was no way to blow the scene. When the authorities arrived Brown had fled the scene on foot, and they found Rihanna battered and bloodied. The police then went on to take Rihanna's statement and take a lot of crime scene photos that didn't do brown any good in the court of public opinion.

After that Brown was in the dog house. That's not when his PR rep quit. Brown still had a committed fan base who were leaving lots of Myspace and Facebook messages of support. So there was still the opportunity to do important work - like rebuilding his career by repairing his image. Chris would have to lay low for awhile. Then when everyone had calmed down a bit he could make some low key public apologies. The apologies are no problem. PR Reps can whip those up pretty quick, and may even have standard form letter type mea culpa on file and waiting just in case; just the way major newspapers have the obits for troubled celebs drawn up in advance and ready to role. It also helps to have an experienced person write these things up for you so that you'll sound like you know what you did wrong.

Everything was going off according to plan. Chris was even getting ready to release some stuff and do some public appearances. A few duets with established and respectable performers were lined up. That's so Chris could get back into the public's good graces on the coat tails of performers that they still liked. The manipulators were using every trick in the book and it looked like the plan might pay off too. Then Chris goes and pulls one of his patented boners.

The boner in question occurred shortly after a recent GMA interview. Chris was being interviewed by Robin Roberts. Now doubt all the ground work had been done in advance. The PR team had moved in with a pre selected set of questions - nothing awkward; and instruction to kid glove the interview. Then Robin went and did something that threw everything out of whack. She brought up Rihanna. That put Chris off his game. By the time he got back to his dressing room he had a full head of steam. So full in fact that he trashed the joint like he was Charlie Sheen entertaining a hooker in a hotel room. He tried to throw a chair through a window too, for good measure. When the creative temperament goes tilt, look out!

That little stunt seemed to be the last straw. It did get Chris a lot of publicity. People started talking about him like he was the bastard child of OJ Simpson by Mel Gibson or something. Only Dick Cheney and Sarah Palin were more publicly disliked. That's to say that though he might still have a future in politics, show business is looking bleak for him right now! Maybe he can find something on FOX News.

They say that there's no such thing as bad press. The trouble is that this kind of press was completely opposite tot he kind of press his hard working PR team had been trying to build up for him over the past year. You know, the whole "Chris Brown is not a monster" angle. Then in one impulsive outburst he threw that hard work down the drain. Since trying to help some one who isn't helping themselves is a waste, his rep Tammy Brook walked off the job in disgust.

So things don't look good for Chris right now. Getting your own PR rep is a right of passage for celebrities. It mark the acceptance into the 'community', the way confirmation does for Christians. They're the ones who show you the finer points of playing the game. They get rid of those personal problems the way a father confessor might help clear things up with God. So when your PR rep abandons you, it's like being excommunicated from the entertainment business. After that it's down hill no matter how bad you want to get back. You can still put yourself out there, but you're strictly D List. You career prospects are restricted to pitching reality TV shows based on fucking up, and possibly dating Kat Von D.

This is the position that poor Chris currently finds himself in. So for all of you who were worried that a woman beater might worm his way back into a successful entertainment career, relax. If you ever see this guy again it's gonna be on a double date with Michael Lohan, or on some reality TV spectacle like Dr Drew's Rehab. Perhaps he might hook up with Octomom!

That might be possible since Chris hasn't given up and is trying to say the right things, like "I got very emotional, and I wanna apologize for acting like that." So maybe he could play the bi polar angle. It could even be time for a drug abuse admission. Probelm is that without a PR rep to sell that, he's gonna have a hard time getting the media to take it seriously. He's like a tree falling in the forrest without anyone to run around to news outlets for him explaining that the tree has a problem which requires our understanding and sympathy. Look on the bright side Chris - the National Enquirer is gonna be following you for years to come!

Derrick Williams is the best player in college basketball...and here is the dunk vs. Duke

Sweet 16 Picks: Day 2

I don't want to brag or anything but did I fucking nail that shit last night or what? 4 and fucking 0 with my picks. It's always nice to hit a 4 team parlay too. Last night I was pretty confident with my picks because I had a good feel for the matchups. Tonight I'm not so positive. I'm not saying these picks suck but don't expect perfection yet again. I'm not going to lie to you like Jim Tressel.

Marquette(+5) vs North Carolina
I don't know what to make of either one of these teams. One day North Carolina looks like a legit National Championship contender then the next day they are struggling by turning over the ball way too many times like a monkey trying to fuck a wet football. Marquette also plays relentless defense so I can see the more talented Tar Heels turning it over 20 plus times tonight. Harrison Barnes has slowly turned himself into a top 5 player in the college game and should put up stud numbers tonight. My gut is telling me to take Marquette with the straight up upset but my brain is saying North Carolina finds a way to win this game with a clutch shot at the end. The ACC always has at least one team in the Final 4 and with FSU being the only other one alive I got to take Roy Williams as the favorite to get there.

Prediction: North Carolina 73 Marquette 71

Ohio State (-6.5) vs Kentucky
I picked Ohio State to win the championship with my bracket and I see little reason to jump off that bandwagon after the first two rounds where they clobbered the opposition. The Buckeyes are playing great team ball and their athleticism is even better than Kentucky. If Kentucky still had Wall and Cousins this would be an epic battle. Unfortunately they don't. I see a blowout.

Prediction: Ohio State 88 Kentucky 72

Kansas vs Richmond (+10.5)
I've won money all year betting on Kansas and for the most part they usually cover their spreads no matter how big. But for some reason 10.5 points seems too big to me. Kansas is obviously the better team. No question. But I can see Richmond giving them a game especially since this will be head coach Chris Mooney's last game before he goes to coach Georgia Tech next season. Oops the cat is out of the bag. Yes, Mooney will be GT's next coach. It will be announced next week. Anywho I'm going on gut here and say it's a game that Kansas controls with the Morris twins down low in the paint but the Spiders fight and crawl their way to a decent finish.

Prediction: Kansas 77 Richmond 70

VCU (+4) vs FSU
The Semenholes vs the team everybody thought shouldn't have gotten in. VCU has been playing with a chip on their shoulder and has straight up dominated big conference powers Georgetown and Purdue to get to the Sweet 16. FSU has also been dominant thanks to the nation's best defense and beat the holy shit out of Notre Dame in the second round. These teams are pretty much evenly matched. At this point I'm thinking VCU is this year's George Mason. They won't make it to the Final 4 because Kansas is too good but they will sneak by FSU tonight. I like them as the dog. A 12 seed getting to the Elite 8 is a hell of an accomplishment.

Prediction: VCU 66 FSU 65

I'm bacccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkk

What's up everyone? Don't say it, I already know you missed me. I guess the depression that sets in between football and baseball is real. I've been in a hole the last couple of months and finally found a way out with spring training and spring football.

AP Photo

First things first, there is a current NFL lockout. Who cares?!?! All this talk of labor disputes is killing me. Owners make a ton of money, players make a ton of money, someone figure out how to best share that money and move on. Football needs the American public more than the American public needs football. Someone somewhere has to understand that athletes and owners make money off of fans. Without the public, there is no salary, period. Do what's right by the consumers who "buy the product that is the NFL". A mediator makes sense, now listen to the mediator.


Let's talk spring baseball...
The Braves look good, period. I plan on having a further breakdown of the Minor/Beachy decision later, but how could you go wrong? The Braves pitching staff, inclusive of the bullpen, is the best in baseball. I know about the Phillies, the Giants, the Red Sox, and I simply don't care. I'll take Hudson, Hanson, Lowe, Jurrjens (healthy), and a combo of Minor/Beachy/Teheran/Delgado/Vizcaino (get the point?) as my starting rotation as quickly as I'd take anyone. Combine that with a bullpen that looks downright scary with Venters, Moylan, and Kimbrel and it's going to be a hell of a season.

The revamped offense, with Freddie "The Jackalope" Freeman, a full year of Heyward healthy, McClouth playing like, well Nate McClouth, Chipper driving the ball, McCann being McCann, Prado getting on base, and Dan "The Man" Uggla looks like a scary combination of lefty and righty batters, all with pop, all with on base ability, and all looking healthier than they have looked in a while. I couldn't be more excited.

Sure, the Braves have some questions, but the Phillies better watch out. The East isn't theirs for the taking this season. Let's keep up with our responsibility and fill up the Ted this year. Our boys are back and looking good! Let's Go Bravos!

In honor of my return, here's some Diddy comin atcha'

Jim Tressel might be in deeper shit than we previously thought

Jim Tressel's coaching career at Ohio State might soon be over. We already know Tressel has been suspended for the first 5 games of the 2011 season and fined $250,000 for failing to report numerous violations with his players to Ohio State's compliance department and the NCAA. Now there is word that Tressel has lied again about not sharing that information with anybody else acccording to BuckeyeExtra.com.

When Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel learned last spring that some of his current players were in trouble, he shared the information with someone he thought could help his star quarterback even though he said he didn't tell his bosses.

Tressel forwarded the information to Ted Sarniak, a mentor to Terrelle Pryor, after the coach received emails warning that Pryor and at least one other player had sold memorabilia to a local tattoo-parlor owner who was under federal investigation for drug trafficking, multiple sources have confirmed to The Dispatch.

Sarniak, 67, is a prominent businessman in Pryor's hometown of Jeannette, Pa. He befriended the quarterback years ago and accompanied him on recruiting trips to Ohio State and other universities.

During a news conference on March 8 to announce NCAA ethics violations by Tressel, the coach said he kept the information to himself to protect the confidentiality of the federal investigation and for the safety of his players.

But Tressel also nodded his head and said "um-hmm" when asked whether he had forwarded the emails to anyone.

Ohio State athletic director Gene Smith quickly intervened to prevent Tressel from answering that question about the matter currently under investigation by the NCAA.

Say it isn't so Sweatervest! The giant ball of lies continues to build up for Tressel. All Tressel had to do was report what he knew to Ohio State and the NCAA and he would be in the clear. Sure the players would have gotten suspended for a stupid rule to begin with but at least Tressel would have done the right thing. As the head coach it's his job to report these things he finds out if anything to cover his own ass. What I'm starting to wonder is if he told his athletic director Smith? I'm thinking he did and Smith told him to keep it on the hush and hush and hope the story goes away. But what we do know is Tressel has setup a pattern of lies in which he basically will have a hard time recovering from.

At this point I think there is no turning back for Tressel and Ohio State. The scrutiny is too much and the media is not going to stop asking questions nor should they since Tressel continues to lie about what he knew. The truth is Tressel is in deep shit with no exit strategy. If the University wishes to avoid a "Pete Carroll" they are going to either have to be honest with Tressel answering all questions that are reasonable or straight up fire him. Tressel knowingly lied to the NCAA and played players who were ineligible last season. The coverup as it unravels is something no coach can survive.

At this point I think the possibility of Ohio native and former Ohio State assistant coach Urban Meyer getting back to college football in Columbus in 2012 is becoming more a formality.

Zsa Zsa Gabor wants to move up in class

For those unfamiliar with Zsa Zsa Gabor - except as a comedic characterture of an aging Hollywood actress, she was the Kim Kardashian of her day (She and her two sisters originated the Kardashian act). That means she was a characterture of a Hollywood sex symbol. That's kind of like being a female impersonator except you're a woman - anyone remember Victor/Victoria? To that end Zsa Zsa made a bunch of B movies that no one remembers, married and divorced alot of husbands - she was kind of in the alimony business, and guest starred on The Beverly Hillbillies a few times. So you can say that she's a sort of pop cultural icon. Like Susan Somer's Thigh Master commercials! About the only thing she didn't get around to was getting shot in the gob by Phil Spector!

Bed room farce antics aside, Zsa Zsa did live a rich and interesting life. She married Anna Nicole Smith's lover, and almost became Smith's adoptive mother. That was when Anna Nic tried to convince her lover, who is Zsa Zsa's husband - Prince von Arnolt, to legally adopt her. That way she could officially become a princess! Sounds flaky buts that how Arnolt inherited his princely title, and probably how the woman he screwed out of the title got it herself!

Even though this is a very European arrangement - in this case "European" differentiates from American in that there is no pretense to any kind of morality or decorum. It's a "we're consenting adults and know how the world works *wink wink*" deal - Zsa Zsa wasn't having any part of it. So she out the kibosh on the deal and Anna Nicole had to settle for a Texas oil billionaire, whom she quickly married and promptly buried.

Did I say bed room farce antics aside? Zsa Zsa did do something genuinely interesting. She slapped a LA traffic cop. The guy pulled Gabor over after he saw her car slowly serving all over the road. Seeing an elderly actress behind the wheel he must've assumed that she was having a botox induced stroke, or perhaps was buzzed out on a cocktail of powerful sedatives legally obtained from her many physicians. So he asked her if she needed assistance.

Zsa Zsa, who was allegedly drunk at the time, staggered forth from the vehicle and informed the good officer in a heavily slurred accent that she was a famous actress who's husband is a Prince, and that she has many powerful friends who could break the fellow like a match stick, so 'jump back Jack' Then she landed him a smack across the chops to make sure he got the point. When I say smack I mean that she hit him, not kissed him. A kiss from that grizzled old beak would've been so traumatic that the fellow would've had grounds for a law suit.

Now when your main claims to fame are based on a clownish B movie image and a bunch of ridiculous incidents, then you might have a real burning need to be taken more seriously. God knows Zsa Zsa will never be Helen Mirren, not now at her age; but I'm sure that she hasn't given up hope - God bless her soul. After all Helen Mirren wasn't really Helen Mirren until she got up in years. In her prime she did the roles Joan Collins turned down - & Joansie didn't turn down much of anything! The point is that a little respect would be nice, even if completely undeserved.

The recent passing of Jayne Russell and Elizabeth Taylor seem to have brought this point home to ailing Zsa Zsa. It seems that she's got it in her mind that celebs always go in 3's (they do: one dies naturally and the other 2 follow along for the attention!). Further more she's convinced that if she can make number three, then that will prove to the world that she just wasn't come over stuffed clown with an accent, but an actress of the highest caliber! With that in mind she has insisted on being rushed to the hospital!

Now the official story is that Zsa Zsa was at home fidgeting restlessly in front of the TV when she got the sad news about Taylor. Then, according to her publicist - who may have been standing near by with pen and pad in hand to record Gabor's words for posterity - Zsa yelps out "Oh, Jane Russell and Liz Taylor — I'm next." The publicist - John Blanchette doesn't go on to say whether or not anyone burst out in laughter.

Zsa Zsa took the whole deal very seriously though. She insisted on having her blood pressure taken. According to Blanchette it was "soaring". Not that you can make anything out of that since Gabor is high pressure at the best of times. Anyway it was enough to get her carted off to the hospital and put on unofficial death watch. As for the prognosis, Blanchette goes on to say that Gabor is a fighter, as one LAPD officer can attest to. Now I'm not sure how to take that remark. With Gabor that just might mean this is one casting call she's determined to make, even though it's only for the final curtain. That's fame for you - eventually it's being the stiff at your own funeral, and looking as life like as you ever did! Good luck Zsa Zsa!

By the way Zsa Zsa isn't the only one trying to horn in on the action. Westboro Baptist Church has announced plans to protest at Taylor's funeral. They take issue with Taylor's long time AIDS activism, which they call "enabling gays". So that makes them almost as flaky as Victoria Jackson! Plus they're looking to score some major publicity! No official word on the rumors that they're currently shopping around a reality TV premise based on their colorful "ministry".

Love me some Adam Jones: goes off on the Baltimore fickle fans

 

Kudos to Baltimore Orioles centerfielder Adam Jones for stating the obvious and the truth. I love the candor he speaks with the "just knock the shit out of them" in regards to the obnoxious Yankees and Red Sox fans who come into Camden Yards and act like it is their home park. If you have a problem with what Adam has to say then too bad. Orioles fans need to take back the yard this spring. And by take back I mean knock the shit out of any drunk Yankees fan who starts talking shit about the Orioles in your homepark.

Mighty Ducks Rap Song

This might be the greatest rap song about the Mighty Ducks. There are others you are wondering? I have no fucking clue. What I do know is I never watched one of the Mighty Ducks movies. I leave the hockey movies to those eskimos up in Canada.

Video via BarStoolSports

Sweet 16 Picks

UCONN vs. San Diego St (Pick Em)
I managed to watch San Diego State for only the 2nd time all season last week. Holy shit what a boring team they have. I know all they do is win but they don't have one guy on their team that scares me. The Huskies on the other hand have the great Kemba Walker and they have an inside presence in Alex Oriakhi. In terms of talent and coaching I got to take the Huskies in this pick em game.

Prediction: UCONN 72 San Diego St 64

Florida (-2.5) vs. BYU
Last year these two teams met in the first round and BYU won a thrilling 99-92 game in double OT. One can only hope this year this sweet 16 battle lives up to those standards. Everybody knows about Jimmer. He will win the Naismith and we will never hear from him again after his college career is done. Hey I'm not a hater. I like Jimmer. But this will be his last game. BYU doesn't have the size in the front court especially without Brandon Davies to bang with the Gators. The Gators are a sleeper team this year to win the whole thing despite their 2 National Championships under Billy Donovan. The Gators also have better coaching and better talent. I know it sounds like a broken record but unless Jimmer goes for 40 plus (which wouldn't surprise me) I see the Gators handling this game rather easily.

Prediction: Florida 66 BYU 59

Arizona (+9) vs. Duke
I texted my Dad last week saying Arizona's Derrick Williams might be the best player in the college game and could be the #1 pick in the NBA next season. His response was "been watching VCU." In Dad terms that is a "I'm going to ignore your ridiculous statement." Of course Williams went on to have one of his worst games of the season vs Texas but he still managed to hit a clutch 3 pt play with the game on the line. Plus Williams had the game winning block vs. Memphis in the first round. Williams led the nation in free throw attempts as he loves to drive to the hoop and create scoring opportunities from the free throw line. He will be guarded by James Bond villain Kyle Singler. Singler will pull the usual Duke flopping bull shit that Coach K teaches and yet somehow the officials still haven't caught on that it's not an offensive foul when you breath on a Duke defender and he topples faster than the housing market. I'm not a Duke fan for obvious reasons (I have a functional cock) but I think the Dukies win this game in a close battle. The Duke back court is better than Zona's and Nolan Smith will have a solid second half. I'm still taking Zona to beat the spread though.

Prediction: Duke 77 Arizona 72

Here are some highlights of Derrick Williams just because I want to prove to my Dad he is the best player in the college game...


And here is a little Blake Griffin-esque dunk...


Butler (+4.5) vs. Wisconsin
Seriously how in the holy fuck is Butler an underdog in this game? Is Vegas still not believers in the Bulldogs? Last year's Cinderella used some of that magic to beat Pitt last week in a downright brutal officiated game. For some reason I have never liked Wisconsin. I don't know what it is. I think the people are great and cheerful but for some reason the Badgers have always pissed me off. Maybe I'm letting my college football bias get in the way here. I'm also in love with Butler coach Brad Stevens. On the other hand the sight of Wisconsin's Bo Ryan makes me want to straight stomp on his man region. His face just pisses me off. He's a close second to Kansas State's Frank Martin in guys "I wouldn't mind dropping from the face of the earth just at the way they act on the sidelines." Anyways enough about my rage issues. Butler has made me good money the past two years. I'm not about to jump off their bandwagon especially as an underdog.

Prediction: Butler 69 Wisconsin 66

Great Moments in History with Gus Johnson

Great Moments in History with Gus Johnson from Gus Johnson

I love me some Gus Johnson. He needs to be doing college football this fall. Fuck Verne Lundquist and Gary Danielson. They suck. I want Gus Johnson doing SEC Football this fall. He's already on CBS and his talents will be wasted with the NFL Lockout.

Buck Showalter throws a couple of verbal haymakers at Theo Epstein and Derek Jeter

Orioles manager Buck Showalter isn't worried about ruffling the feathers of his AL East rivals in the New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox. The second year Baltimore skipper had some choice words for both Derek Jeter and Boston GM Theo Epstein.

From an interview in Men's Journal about Jeter:

"The first time we went to Yankee Stadium, I screamed at Derek Jeter from the dugout," said Showalter. "Our guys are thinking, 'Wow, he's screaming at Derek Jeter.' Well, he's always jumping back from balls just off the plate. I know how many calls that team gets -- and yes, he [ticks] me off."

While Jeter is the poster boy for everything that is good and right to the baseball world Showalter is basically kicking some dirt into his holy water. Anybody remember Jeter faking the hit by pitch last season? No well then let me refresh your memory...


Personally I love what Showalter is doing. Jeter is all over the plate and gets a shitload of walks by his leaning over the plate and acting like the inside strike is in fact off the plate. Showalter is already getting into not only Jeter's head but the umps around the majors. Plus he is providing a confidence boost to his own Orioles in the fact that they are not going to back down to the almighty Yankees. The Orioles have needed an attitude change as much as they have needed an ownership change. 13 straight losing seasons is a testament to this ideology. At least Showalter has the cojones to fight and it has already permeated to his young ball club (.600 win percentage in the 57 games he coached last year, best among the AL East teams).

Where I tend to disagree with Showalter is his words on Epstein:

"I'd like to see how smart Theo Epstein is with the Tampa Bay payroll," Showalter said. "You got Carl Crawford 'cause you paid more than anyone else, and that's what makes you smarter? That's why I like whipping their butt. It's great, knowing those guys with the $205 million payroll are saying, 'How the hell are they beating us?'"

Epstein isn't Brian Cashman. The Red Sox do have a ridiculous payroll like the Yankees and in many ways they are the Yankees Jr. in the way they operate. But Epstein at the very least has developed a strong minor league feeder system for the Red Sox organization and is one of the main reasons why they were able to trade for a slugger like Adrian Gonzalez without completely diminishing the farm.

I do like Buck's fighting words though. It's a good attitude to spread to not only his ballclub but to the fanbase of Baltimore. The Orioles beat the Red Sox last year despite having a payroll that is essentially less than half. If the team can win on the field there is no reason why the fans shouldn't start showing up this season and rooting for the home team while drowning out the bandwagon Sox and Yankees fans. Showalter, as a former ESPN media member, knew exactly what his words would do. They would be quickly spread amongst the media and blogs and turned into fighting words.

"Buck yeah!" should be the Orioles team motto this season. With the additions of sluggers Vladimir Guerrero, Mark Reynolds, Derrek Lee, and J.J. Hardy to the everyday lineup the Orioles should have plenty of firepower to back up Buck's words. Now it's a matter of time for the young pitching staff (Brian Matusz, Jake Arrieta, Chris Tillman, and Zach Britton) to come together and turn around the misfortune of the Baltimore Orioles franchise. It's about "Buck"ing time!

Elizabeth Taylor Remembered

What can you say about one of Hollywood's legends, except here she is!



They don't make 'em like her anymore.

Going Going Gonzo! Shirt

We got another new SportsCrack.com T-shirt just in time for baseball season. The "Going Going Gonzo!" shirt is in honor of the newest first baseman up in Boston. With his sweet fluid yet powerful swing expect to hear a lot of the "Gonzo!" chants this season in Fenway.

Going Going Gonzo Shirt

Girl pissing on Carnival Cruise

I mean wow. She just pissed all over the deck with her pants down. I don't know whether to laugh or be disgusted. All is fair during Spring Break though I guess.

Video via BarStoolSports

Notre Dame Spring Practice Video

First look Ishaq, Lynch, Golson from Irish Illustrated on Vimeo.

It's always good to get a look at some of the instant impact freshmen who are coming in to Notre Dame. First the video has #1 Ishaq Williams who will get a chance to crack the 2 deep at outside linebacker. Ishaq looks the part as he has the size of a college player already and at 6-5, 242 pound he doesn't have much growing to do. Just a hunch but I think we will see a lot of Ishaq this fall starting with the season opener against South Florida.

#19 Aaron Lynch also passes the eyeball test. Physically he is 6-6, 260 pound and the defensive end will put on some more weight and strength as spring progresses. I can see him being a solid backup to Kapron Lewis-Moore and Ethan Johnson this fall at the end position and picking up a half dozen sacks in passing situations.

#5 Everett Golson is basically the 4th string QB right now. The 6-0, 180 pound QB brings back fond memories of Tony Rice. He's got some time to learn the offense and I could definitely see Brian Kelly putting in some plays specifically designed for Golson to spread out the offense and make it run a little east-to-west while doing some quick reads.

All 3 of these freshmen have a chance to make some sort of impact for the Fighting Irish in 2011. I'd expect to see Ishaq and Lynch almost immediately in the season opener where Bob Diaco likes to get fresh bodies rotated in the defense. Both are speed guys who could make a future NFL living getting to the quarterback. Golson could be a while till we see him play but I would think Kelly has something up his sleeve. Right now Dayne Crist who is coming back from yet another knee surgery will probably be the starter with Tommy Rees and Andrew Hendrix backing him up. Golson brings a good mixture of speed, athleticism, and quick release that puts him in a different category than the other 3 QB's. His inexperience though at the college level will take time and I wouldn't be shocked at all to see him redshirt if and it's a big if Dayne can make it through the whole season healthy.

Go to IrishIllustrated.com for more spring practice updates.

The Reliant Stadium Basketball Shot

March Madness at it's finest.

Jeopardy's Alex Trebek's College Football Highlights

TheSolidVerbal has the highlights from the Stanford/Oregon game with play-by-play commentary from Jeopardy's Alex Trebek. Trebek nails it as usual.

100 Most Controversial Tweets

50 Cent Tweets A Lot

Some people don't know how to tweet correctly. These are those people.

Michael Lohan Arrested for Felony Domestic Violence

Michael Lohan: Fame is an octagon

It's seems like trouble is the Lohan family business. On that score Lindsay seems to be the main bread winner with her frequent legal run ins and rehab stints. Papa Mikey is no slouch when it comes to rowdy hell raising himself. Mike has this problem which is that he occasionally likes to go ape shit on what ever woman is brain damaged enough to be dating him at the time. Like Kate Major. Kate was some kind of reporter or something with Star Magazine who got hooked up with and then dumped by Jon Gosselin. She rebounded on to Mike Lohan. I'd call that a case of sloppy seconds except that Major hasn't qualified as 'seconds' for many many helpings. She's more like that thing festering in tinfoil at the back of the refrigerator.

Anyhow they were getting along famously and Kate was saying Lohan was the great love of her life, just the way she was saying Jon Gosselin was the great love of her life. It's a lady's perogative to change her mind - so Kate might as well try it too. Things were going along hunky dory until some one got drunk, we're not sure who but it could have been both of them, and then the shit hit the fan. The story that trickled down to the public via twitter, the internet, and supermarket tabs, was that Mikey got home all liquored up and found Kate drunk and out cold in an arm chair. one thing lead to another as such situations often do and soon Kate was sprawled on the floor and the cops were on the way. This couldn't have happened at a worse time for Mikey since he only had 2 weeks left on his probation for some previous domestic assault type incident.

Some guys never win. In Mikey's case it's more like some guys never learn. That's because it appears lover boy has pulled another one of his patented shit for brains stunts. The details are so far sketchy, but it goes something like this:

"Mr. Lohan was arrested after we received a call around 9 p.m. regarding a domestic dispute. He was detained after he was spotted walking on the street near our station. He showed no signs of intoxication that I'm aware of and has been cooperative."

At least that's the version Lt. John Ratto gave People Magazine. Maybe Lt Latto is some kind of celebrity liaison officer. The slightly more detailed version as Lohan assaulting an unnamed victim. Lohan thens tarted complaining about an "unrelated medical condition" - I'm guessing chest pains. So he was rushed over to Cedars Sinai Hospital. He's currently laying low there while he contemplates his next move.

That next move better involve a way to raise a hughnomous wad of cash, 'cause this time the police are holding him on 200 000 bail. It's gonna be tough for Mikey to pull in those kind of funds since Lindsay is the oly one in the family with any kind of income. Her income is currently tied up in rehab bills and lawyers fees, stemming from her own particular brand of mayhem.

So look on the bright side - Japan may be about to go nuclear, the mid east may be dissolving in turmoil, Charlie Sheen is threatening to unleash violent torpedoes of truth on the nation in the form of a cross country stand up tour, and Donald Trump may be poised to run for office on a Sarah Palin presidential ticket; but at least Michael Lohan is off the streets and in some kind of supervised environment for an indefinite period of time. Every once in a blue moon the system works! There could even be an up side to this. Mikey might eventually earn his own living by pitching a reality TV concept where he fights other D List celebs! They could call the show Michael Lohan's Starwhackers! It'd beat American Idol to hell!

Firecrotch Redhanded

As for the second most troubled member of the Lohan clan, Lindsay is set to pull a Mel & plead no contest to her jewelry stealing charges. Her mother Dina emphasizes that o contest is not the same as guilty - it's completely different in the way that not guilty doesn't mean innocent. She then goes on to call LA a fucked up town - that's not news but saying it won't make her any friends, and talk about some imaginary film projects she's considering for her daughter.

Personally I'd recommend a few whacked out calls to Alex Jones (make sure to frequently mention starwhackers) followed by a Lindsay Lohan nation wide stand up tour. They could call it "Sticky Fingers", or if the Rolling Stones get pissed over that then maybe "Firecrotch Red Handed". Read about that over @ Zimbio!

Hot Star

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• Kristin Kreuk Enters the '17th Precinct'
• Kate Winslet Premieres 'Mildred Pierce'
• Blake Lively Says Sorry with Cupcakes
• Evan Rachel Wood: 'Mildred Pierce' Premiere!
• Ashlee Simpson: Milk + Bookies Story Time with Bronx!
• Elizabeth Hurley Films 'Wonder Woman'
• 'William & Kate' Lifetime Trailer Released!
• Kate Winslet: Stand Under My Umbrella!
• Enrique Iglesias: Dublin Dude!
• Katherine Heigl: Swimsuit Shopping with Mom!
• Chris Brown Hangs In NYC
• Christina Aguilera: 'The Voice' Promo Video!
• Jude Law: In Talks for 'Anna Karenina'
• Bruno Mars: 'GQ' April 2011 Feature!
• Spice Girl Mel B Expecting Third Child
• Benjamin Bratt: 'Private Practice' Series Regular!
• Sienna Miller: Time With Tom Sturridge

Kristin Kreuk Enters the '17th Precinct' Posted: 21 Mar 2011 08:20 PM PDT Kristin Kreuk walks around the set of the new NBC pilot, 17th Precinct, on Monday (March 21) in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. The 28-year-old actress braved the rainy weather with a pair of boots and an umbrella. Kristin will guest star on the show as Susan Longstreet, the wife of crime scene expert Caolan played by Jamie Bamber. Kristin also recently responded to fan criticism after saying she “probably” wouldn’t watch the Smallville series finale. “There is no personal reason why I am not watching Smallville weekly. Honestly, I never really did,” she wrote on her Facebook page. "I know people want to make it a drama … but there is really no drama."

Kate Winslet Premieres 'Mildred Pierce' Posted: 21 Mar 2011 07:20 PM PDT Kate Winslet steps out in a Stella McCartney dress at the premiere of her new HBO miniseries, Mildred Pierce, on Monday (March 21) at the Ziegfeld Theatre in NYC. The 35-year-old actress met up with co-star Guy Pearce (in Burberry) on the red carpet. Over the weekend, Kate attended the Cardboard Citizens Gala Fundraising Dinner in London. FYI: Kate finished off her look with a Calvin Klein bag. 10+ pictures inside of Kate Winslet premiering Mildred Pierce…

Blake Lively Says Sorry with Cupcakes Posted: 21 Mar 2011 06:20 PM PDT Blake Lively makes a fashionable run to CVS on Wednesday (March 16) in NYC’s West Village. The 23-year-old Gossip Girl star picked up a Reach by Design toothbrush at the drugstore. Blake recently sent some cupcakes to Burberry creative director Christopher Bailey and his team to apologize for missing the fashion house’s show in February. With a box of sweet treats from London’s Caked bakery, Blake said sorry and also thanked him for inspiring her!

Evan Rachel Wood: 'Mildred Pierce' Premiere! Posted: 21 Mar 2011 05:20 PM PDT Evan Rachel Wood strikes a pose on the red carpet at the premiere of her new HBO miniseries, Mildred Pierce, on Monday (March 21) at NYC’s Ziegfeld Theatre. The 23-year-old actress wore a plum long sleeve jersey cocktail dress and matching peep-toe platforms both by Elie Saab. Evan plays Veda Pierce, the daughter of Kate Winslet’s character, in the five-part series. Parts 1 and 2 of Mildred Pierce premieres this Sunday (March 27) on HBO!

Ashlee Simpson: Milk + Bookies Story Time with Bronx! Posted: 21 Mar 2011 04:50 PM PDT Ashlee Simpson is all smiles with her son Bronx at the 2nd Annual Milk + Bookies Story Time Celebration at the Skirball Cultural Center on Sunday (March 20) in Los Angeles. Milk + Bookies is a non-profit organization that teaches young children how great it feels to give back while celebrating the love of a good book. Last week, Ashlee went to get some food at In-N-Out burger with her estranged husband Pete Wentz. Ashlee filed for divorce last month citing irreconcilable differences. FYI: Ashlee is wearing a Burberry scarf.

Elizabeth Hurley Films 'Wonder Woman' Posted: 21 Mar 2011 04:20 PM PDT Elizabeth Hurely wears a form-fitting dress on the set of Wonder Woman as she films on Tuesday (March 15) in Los Angeles. The 45-year-old actress plays Veronica Cale, the arch nemesis of Wonder Woman in the TV movie. After filming, Liz tweeted, “First scene in the can. Phew.” She quickly followed that up with, “Er…..’in the can’ means ’successfully completed’…..u knew that” 15+ pictures inside of Elizabeth Hurley starting to film Wonder Woman…

'William & Kate' Lifetime Trailer Released! Posted: 21 Mar 2011 03:50 PM PDT Check out the trailer for Lifetime’s upcoming TV movie William & Kate! The flick tells the story about Prince William’s courtship with fiancee Kate Middleton, the ups and downs of their relationship, and how they dodged the paparazzi. Nico Evers-Swindell plays Wills, while Camilla Luddington takes on the role of Kate. William & Kate airs on Lifetime April 18, just a few days before the real-life royal nuptials on April 29! WILL YOU WATCH Lifetime’s movie about Prince William and Kate Middleton? William & Kate Trailer

Kate Winslet: Stand Under My Umbrella! Posted: 21 Mar 2011 03:20 PM PDT Kate Winslet keeps dry under an umbrella as she goes out to lunch on Monday (March 21) in New York City. The 35-year-old actress recently arrived back in town for the premiere of her new HBO miniseries, Mildred Pierce. Over the weekend, Kate stepped out for the Cardboard Citizens Gala Fundraising Dinner in London, England. The organization is the UK’s only professional theater company that’s comprised of homeless and displaced people.

Enrique Iglesias: Dublin Dude! Posted: 21 Mar 2011 02:50 PM PDT Enrique Iglesias rocks out on stage at the O2 Arena on Friday (March 18) in Dublin, Ireland. The 35-year-old singer just added more tour dates in the United Kingdom after weeks of sold-out shows there this month. Enrique will be back in the UK for some more shows in June! Enrique was recently approached to host the upcoming competition show The X-Factor, which will featured Simon Cowell and L.A. Reid as judges. 10+ pictures inside of Enrique Iglesias performing on stage…

Katherine Heigl: Swimsuit Shopping with Mom! Posted: 21 Mar 2011 02:20 PM PDT Katherine Heigl steps out with her momager, Nancy, on Sunday (March 20) in Miami, Fla. The 32-year-old actress and her mama did some shopping and checked out a shop that sold swimsuits! Later in the day, Kat and Nancy were spotted going out to dinner together. On Friday, Kat showed off her bikini body on the beach! 10+ pictures inside of Katherine Heigl and her mom doing some shopping in Miami…

Chris Brown Hangs In NYC Posted: 21 Mar 2011 01:50 PM PDT Chris Brown hops in a car after parting with a female friend on Friday (March 18) in New York City. The 21-year-old singer recently said that he did not leak any pictures of himself in order to promote his upcoming album. “Let me be honest with you. I didn’t want to put no pictures out; that’s not my intention. A lot of people were saying, ‘Yo, he leaked the pictures, he was trying to get promotion,’” he said. “For me, I was always a singer, so unless I’m planning on trying to do porn, I don’t think I’d want to just leak my wang out to the world before my album comes out,” Chris told MTV. “It was disappointing to me that it was out, because I was like, ‘Man, now it’s gonna [look like] a gimmick behind it. And I don’t want a gimmick behind anything that I’m doing.”

Christina Aguilera: 'The Voice' Promo Video! Posted: 21 Mar 2011 01:20 PM PDT Christina Aguilera cozies up to her fellow The Voice coaches in this promo video for their new show on NBC. The 30-year-old entertainer joins Blake Shelton, Cee Lo Green, and Adam Levine on the show - Carson Daly is hosting! “We get to concentrate on nothing but the voice,” Christina explained of the show’s blind audition process, where judges don’t get to see what the performers look like. The Voice debuts on April 26 at 9/8c on NBC! Christina Aguilera - ‘The Voice’ Promo Video

Jude Law: In Talks for 'Anna Karenina' Posted: 21 Mar 2011 12:50 PM PDT Jude Law runs errands in Primrose Hill on Monday (March 21) in London, England. The 38-year-old British actor rocked a leather jacket on his day out on the town! Variety reports that Jude is in talks to star opposite Keira Knightley in a new adaptation of Anna Karenina! Aaron Johnson (Kick-Ass) is also attached to the project. Joe Wright, who helmed Atonement and Pride and Prejudice, is directing the project.

Bruno Mars: 'GQ' April 2011 Feature! Posted: 21 Mar 2011 12:30 PM PDT Bruno Mars rocks a red fedora and blows on a harmonica in GQ’s April 2011 issue. “I’m not gonna preach that I’m a role model. I’m a f—— musician! But I’ve learned people are watching, so don’t do nothing stupid,” the 25-year-old “Grenade” singer told the mag. Bruno recently completed the European leg of his Hooligans in Wondaland Tour and will be jetting to Southeast Asia next month. He’ll be making stops in Indonesia, the Philippines, and Malaysia before heading to Australia and New Zealand. For more on Bruno, checkout GQ.com!

Spice Girl Mel B Expecting Third Child Posted: 21 Mar 2011 12:10 PM PDT Melanie Brown and hubby Stephen Belafonte are expecting a baby together - PopEater Chelsea Kane makes her DWTS debut tonight - Just Jared Jr Lauryn Hill’s daughter Selah is all grown up - Huffington Post See which ladies have called a truce - DListed Candice Swanepoel has an amazing body - Hollywood Tuna A former SNL cast member was not a fan of Glee’s gay kiss - Towleroad See which Spice Girl is expecting her third child - Radar Rebecca Black responds to backlash about her video - Access Hollywood Ashlee Simpson and son Bronx step out for an event - Celebuzz Victoria’s Secret models hit the beach in Miami - Celebslam See which artist is hoping to sell a million copies of his album - ASL Lupe Fiasco will head out on tour this spring - Idolator

Benjamin Bratt: 'Private Practice' Series Regular! Posted: 21 Mar 2011 11:50 AM PDT Benjamin Bratt will be joining Private Practice as a series regular next season, according to THR. The 47-year-old actor will first appear on this season’s finale and his role is being kept under wraps. Audra McDonald recently announced that she would be leaving the show at the end of this season in order to spend more time with her family. Benjamin has previously starred on television in The Cleaner and Law & Order, as well as in a guest spot on Modern Family. WHAT DO YOU THINK of Benjamin Bratt joining the cast of Private Practice?

Sienna Miller: Time With Tom Sturridge Posted: 21 Mar 2011 11:20 AM PDT Sienna Miller is spotted with actor Tom Sturridge on Sunday (March 20) in London, England. The 29-year-old actress and Tom were reportedly at The Dorchester where they had lunch at the hotel's China Tang restaurant last week. Reports say they looked like more than friends but we haven’t seen any real evidence of that - yet! Sienna recently split earlier this year with Jude Law for the second time.

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