The face is familiar & I never forget a Dick!
Charlie Sheen lives & breathes total fucking bitch assness! Maybe that's why some want to learn his ways. Like Andy Dick. To be fair Dick has been studying from the Book of Charlie - also known as The Hollywood Warlocks Manuel for Living With Fire Breathing Awesomeness - for some time. That means Dickie is no stranger to coke, whores, and making a public spectacle out of himself. He got into as bust up with SNL alum Jon Lovitz over some tasteless comments Dick made about then late Phil Hartman, a friend of Lovtiz's. So Lovitz knocked him the fuck out like a spider monkey with viper venom in his veins! He's also exposed himself numerous times, and groped numerous bystanders. His most recent fuck up was shaking his swizzle stick at a passing tour bus full of celebrity gawkers down in LA while hollering out "Wait! Stop! It's me, Andy Dick!" Most recent until this that is.The Warlock's Apprentice
According to the source of all half truths, The National Enquirer, Dick was recently caught out in a nightclub making a fool of himself, or Living It to the Limit Hollywood Warlock Style With A Live Grenade in Each Hand & a Flame Thrower Between His Legs. That's Sheenspeak for fucking up with whores and coke in front of an audience!
Dick & co. are smokin' in the boy's room!
The scene of the crime was Corner Club in Woodland Hills, CA. The time was Feb 24, back when the whole Sheen brouhaha was just getting warmed up. Dick was getting warmed up too. According to a source on the scene Dick & a female companion made their way to a restroom, where they misused the facilities! By misused I mean that they beginning treating the Men's Room like it was some sort of social club, instead of as God and city zoning by laws intended. After Dick and his goddess finished making friendly, Dick went out in the parking lot to do a dope deal, then came back and made friendly. Here's the way it went down according to The National Enquirer!
"I walked in and I saw that freak Andy Dick sucking on a woman's (slang for breast)" the source divulged.
"They didn't even care or acknowledge me," said the source. "He was all over her in the men's bathroom, she was lifting her shirt and he was kissing her naked breasts."
After about 15 minutes Dick and his friend went to a car in the parking lot where the source heard Dick say "give me the coke, give me the coke," to his friend.
While snorting cocaine off a CD cover while in his car, Dick's gal pal lifted up her shirt and he continued to kiss her naked chest.
"They were in their own little world," the source said about the pair who were sitting in the car with the door open in the bar parking lot while Dick snorted the cocaine.
"He was oblivious to everything except the cocaine and the woman with him."
If you can't shine like Sheen, then don't be a Dick
Now everyone can relate to the desire to be more like Sheen. He's special. He's certainly got poetry in his fingertips! However you don't have to take the routine to bitch ass Martian rock star extremes. If you do you will die and your face will melt off! So you have to find a side effect free version of a drug called Charlie Sheen. Something safe and approved for everyday life! Like the Mad Lib Generator over @ Vanity Fair! By plugging in the appropriate nouns and verbs, this Sheenspeaking program will allow you to whiz out a paragraph that Hunter S Thompson might have been impressed with! You can do it without making a Dick of yourself too! Although making a Dick out of one's self sounds like it could have it's moments!
Mad Lib like Charlie Sheen with Vanity Fair!
“I am on a drug. It’s called Wondertrash. If you try it once, you will freak the fuck out. Your erection will melt off, and your whores will jolt over your fucked body … I’m tired of pretending like I’m not dumbwad—a total freaking 007 killer spy from Uranus. I’ve got wildebeest blood, Apollo DNA! … They picked a fight with a gremlin. They’re trying to take all my Amazons and leave me with no means to create my family. It’s not theoretical physics! They owe me an apology while whacking my balls … I don’t think people are ready for the turd I’m delivering, and delivering with a sense of fucked up love. I exposed hordes to magic! Here’s your semen test. Next one goes in your anus!”
BTW, PS, & Ad nauseam
PS. You've probably seen Boy Wonder Justin Bieber going around looking sour lately. That's in spite of dating Selena Gomez. The reason Justy is all upset is that no one remembered his birthday. It got blocked out of the headlines along with Muammar Khadafi by the wall to wall continuous coverage of the developing Charlie Sheen saga. Over the past 12 month everyone has been talking about Beiber ad nauseam: Bieber gets his hair cut, Bieber tweets back a fan, Bieber farts - that sort of shit. It was getting to the point where some of the more sensitive members of the public were aboutt o scream if they heard the name Justin Bieber one more time. Then along came something really interesting in the form of Charlie Sheen, to give us a well needed Bieber-break!
'Fail' is what happens when you're not 'Bi-winning'!
Well Bieber must've gotten used to the attention 'cause since it got diverted elsewhere he's been photographed walking around pouting like Keanu Reeves at the cup cake counter, and howling at paparazzi who weren't there. It's so much sadder to see a celeb crack from lack of attention than from too much of it. Anyway Bieber can take some consolation that locks of his hair sold on EBay for $40 000 (Herbert the Pervert maxed out the credit cards on that suspicious purchase!).
BOOM WINNING D'UH
He can also take some consolation in the fact that it might've sold for 3 times that, if some of Charlie Sheen old urine test samples weren't up on EBay simultaneous in competing auctions. Sorry Bieber, but that's what you get when you go up against "Boom, Winning, D'uh!". BOOM WINNING D'UH is the sound of a warlock breaking the sound barrier and hitting light speed!
