Dr. Drew concerned about Angelina Jolie!

Forget North Korea - Dr. Drew predicts Jolie will 'go ballistic'!

Dr. Drew Pinsky has finally found some one more interesting than Lindsay Lohan to occupy his attention. Dr. Drew was quite concerned with that young lady's well being ever since she began living life too high in the fast lane. Lindsay started out with the odd car crash but Drew predicted that she would come to a bad end and possibly lose a limb. Lohan pointed out that responsible doctors shouldn't diagnose people they never met, and over television; but Drew wasn't not deterred. After a brief respite Dr. Pinsky was once again hot on Lindsay's tail, and via the media said that if he were her father he would load he car with drugs and notify the police. Failing that he would load her car with guns, bombs and Korans; and then notify Homeland Security. He also may have said that the girl needs some kind of enema - I'm not sure.

Intensive therapy

Lindsay is finally getting the help she needs, or something like it anyway. The actress has finally been sentenced to rehab. In fact rehab has had some recent ups and downs for La Lohan. Only recently it was reported that Lindz was involved in some kind of assault with one of her rehab counselors. Seems that Lindsay had worked out some scheme with a few of her rehab cohorts. That resulted in Lindz & Co. getting nabbed by a female Betty Ford staffer as they were making their way back from a bar (or according to some stories Lindz demanded a safe house because of the presence of some alleged stalker, then availed herself of the opportunities presented by cramming the place with booze!)

"Take your hands off of me" - push comes to shove

Well the staffer confronts Lindz and want sto know what the heel is what. Then she allegedly made her big mistake; she put her hands on Lohan. What followed was and incident in which Lindsay supposedly battered the staffer. Of course Lindsay denied this and claimed that it was the staffer who victimized her. LL claims that she merely grabbed the staffer, and shoved her while telling the woman to "get your fucking hands off of me!" Michael raises 'em fiesty! Anyway the cops got called around about 1 AM, and a 'hand to hand battery' report got filed. When the dust cleared it was the staffer who got charge. That's only naturally since rehab staffers are a dime a dozen but imagine how much lot Lohan is bring into the joint! If staffer had been around she should've expected that!

Do you think like Drew?

Since Lindz is being taken good care of, that gives Dr Drew the chance to relax and turn his attentions else where. Now next to Lohan who's Hollywood's No 1 hot mess. That could be just about anyone but if you guessed Angelina Jolie then you and Drew think alike! Reports recently surfaced by way of the National Enquirer that Jolie is some kind of child abuser. Apparently she's pretty hard on young Shiloh Pitt. Shiloh is one of her bio babies, and she calls her 'the blob'. She also dresses and raises her as a boy. There's some interesting mommy-daughter issues working out there is this is true!

Dredging the dregs with Creepy Sexy Mommy

These stories of Angie flying into rages while 'slapping' seem to suggest that she's found an alternative for her rage to partner Brad Pitt. They've also reminded everyone of what a flake she comes off as. So some old shit got dredged up lately - like Chelsea Handler talking about the brother James Haven make out stories (stories that Jolie is into incest). To be fair JH had to turn out a least a little warped. Having a first name as normal as James had to make him a Hollywood misfit. Just imagine the schoolyard taunting he got. "Hey James!" or "It's Jimbo everybody!". Nailing your hot sister is that's situation's equivalent of the preacher's kid smoking a cigarette to fit in and prove he's not a sissy.

talking smack!

There's more to Jolie than alleged brother fucking though. She's also had some kind of history of substance abuse. Particularly there's smoke talk that Jolie liked her some smack back in the day (Jolie has spoken openly about her drug use in the past, and in an interview in 1998, she said: 'I've done just about every drug possible. Coke, heroin, ecstasy, LSD, everything... Those drugs can be dangerous if you don't go into it positively. I gave them up long ago.'). Some video of Jolie, apparently stoned, even surfaced of the actress talking about how many pets she killed off in her formative years (Hollywood actresses have such a destructive growth cycle that it's practically more destructive than growth!). Jolie defenders pointed out that the actresses admissions involved accidental deaths of pets, and not a deliberate holocaust of innocents. That doesn't make her a bad person - the defenders maintain. No one has yet asked directly whether or not it might make her a bad mom!

still crazy after all these years?

The smack talk does have Dr. Drew thinking though. Now that is mind if free from concerns bout Lindsay Lohan's well being, Drew is speculating about the future of Brangelina! Many of us can't fathom their present, let alone any possible future. Most celeb marriages are over faster than you can say Scarlett Johansson, and even if you're Mr. Sexy Ryan Reynolds (that World's Sexiest title was bound to cause problems, especially since Scarlett probably thinks that Reynolds is only really seen as sexy because she did him. So why should he be getting the glory?). So why are those two still around? Perhaps because Jennifer Aniston's career needs them. Probably out of sheer bloody mindedness. Jolie won't leave and give anyone the gratification of saying "I said so!"

Brangelina is going to be a big deal one way or another - predicting the obvious

Dr. Drew is looking forward. Drew is predicting a break up, and he says that when it comes it's gonna be nuclear! In wake of the recent The Tourist premier Drew gave a pretty blunt assessment of the actress in which he rushes in where even foul mouthed blabberer Chelsea Handler (Dennis Miller in his former career as a wag might've described her act as "Vodka & Tourette's Syndrome") might fear to tread. When the topic of Angelina came up recently Dr. Drew said the following:

'There's no such thing as '"I was a heroin addict." That doesn't exist in nature. Something is going on with [her] addiction. Or she's in recovery. And I don't see any evidence that's the case. So we've got one person who's a heroin addict. Which is a chronic lifelong condition, period. We have another person who has said things like, "Well, Jennifer [Aniston] was into long-term relationships, that's just her way of looking at things." I mean, that demeaning attitude towards other people's emotions. Now put those two people together and you have got a really volatile situation. And they're constantly creating things to weld themselves together. Which is only going to serve to make a more nuclear eruption. There will be some sort of meltdown that will be phenomenal when it does happen.'

It's not all bad for Jolie. Her The Tourist flick did get some Golden Globe noms - for Best Comedy. Jolie even picked up a Best Actress nom, for a flick nominated as a comedy. NOw The Tourist was billed as a romantic comedy. Jolie does how that she can at least see the humour in that, replying on being told of her com nom she ROFL'd laughing. "It's the first time that I've been in the comedic category so it's new for me." she said. Rom com is more an Aniston thing. How else can you respond to a very public slap in the face (she hasn't be on the World's Hottest lists in about ten years - and that's enough time for 5 Megan Fox's to have come and gone! This says something about her standing in the larger entertainment community).


PS. Tuning your bullshit detector: Note that Dr. Drew didn't say when Jolie & Pitt would bust up, only that when they would it would be a big deal. Since they've made a big deal out of their relationship - it's been Jolie's main career for about ten years, & is supporting her film career during the awkward period - it's a safe guess that they'll make a big deal out of their split.

Chelsea Handler continues to kiss Aniston's ass

A few days ago Chelsea Handler made the cheap shot heard around the world - she told a drunken heckler to sit down and shut up! Then she called Angelina Jolie a "fucking cunt" and a "fucking whore". That was right after she mentioned something about homewrecking. The references go back a little ways to when Jolie hooked up with Brad Pitt, there by causing the demise of his marriage to Aniston. Jen took that kind of hard. She never seemed to bounce back - well she did and then some professionally but personally she seemed a little like a boat without a rudder as she drifted from one PR staged relationship to another.

Jen hasn't been a total recluse. She's kept company and passed time with a small inner circle of close trusted associates - or 'friends' if you will. There's been Courtney Cox and her erstwhile husband Baby Boy David Arquette. These days there has been Chelsea Handler. She's kept Aniston company on some recent trips south of the border of those kind of vacations that middle aged women at loose ends have: Aniston on the weed and Handler juiced on vodka and hitting on anything that moved. Some might question whether that makes up for the lack of a cxlose personal romantic relationship. Handler's doing her best to fill the void. In fact these days Handler is getting so sucky with Aniston that Jen's ass is getting kissed more than Oprah Winfrey's by non lesbian Gayle King.

Ass Kissing is a strong phrase but there doesn't seem anything else to call it. Many speculated that her whole Jolie is a cunt stunt was a way of stroking her celebrity friend. Handler does have a history of getting personal to get on in the world. She got her show back when she was still dating E Channel's head.

Now Handler has come out and more or less admitted that her Angelina rant was a Team Aniston thing. In one of her recent clarifications Handler admitted to admiring Aniston whom she's descries as incredibly funny. She then goes on to say that Jolie - on the other hand - is an insincere woman (nice way of saying bitch) whom she can't make herself like. Those comments, which probably didn't help much, were given to non other than Katie Couric, in Glamor Mag, & here they are verbatim:

KATIE COURIC: Is there anybody who really makes you laugh? A woman who really makes you laugh, other than me?
CHELSEA HANDLER: Jennifer Aniston makes me laugh. She’s irreverent and hilarious, and she sends me really, really funny e-mails.
KATIE COURIC: She’s funny?
CHELSEA HANDLER: Very.
KATIE COURIC: And speaking of that, wow, girl, you went off on Angelina Jolie recently.
CHELSEA HANDLER: Yeah, I’m not a fan. She just doesn’t come off to me as a sincere woman. She seems like a woman that you’d really want to avoid.

There you have it - Aniston is a fantastic woman who would never remove an orphan from their natural environment for her own selfish personal ends! That's a bit more understated than Handler's used to, so you can tell what a big deal this is. You can also tell exactly how Handler feel's because even though she's in damage control spin mode she still doesn't bother to hide her feelings. The spin is right out there for everyone to see - just like Fox News. So I guess that she deserves some credit for sticking to her guns a little. Next time though, it might be a good idea not to go off half cocked.

Chelsea Handler Fucks Up

"I've been making fun of Angelina Jolie since she made out with her brother,"

Chelsea Handler managed to get herself some major attention recently. Ms Handler was doing a stand up performance when one of the young women in the audience got a little rowdy. Chelsea told the bitch to shut the fuck up (Handler can get mouthy when she's been drinkin'), pointing out that drunken heckling wouldn't be a good memory for the woman the following day. It might not have been a good memory for Chelsea either because next she started into a tirade about Angelina Jolie. Basically she called Jolie a "homewrecker". That's not telling tales out of school. However her next comments went a little over the line, maybe. Handler referred to Jolie's comments about not having many female friends and stated "Of course not, because you're a fucking cunt and a fucking bitch!" That was the cheap shot heard round the world.

troublesome cable transmissions

Naturally that provoked something of a backlash. Jolie's fans, and she still has them (though not as many as Sarah Palin!), were irate. They took to internet message boards in droves calling Handler a drunken skank with about as much sense of humour as Sarah Silverman on the rag(now that's offensive!). Lot's of old business got churned up too: like her numerous hook ups, and her relationship with Ted Harbert, president and CEO of Comcast's entertainment division (which owns E! channel). It was pointed out that since she was dating the guy who basically gave her a show she didn't have to be any funnier than Silverman back when she was dating Jimmy Kimmel (and still had a comedy career). BTW Habert is not to be confused with Brian Roberts who is the pres of Comcast. Harbert is the Handler guy, while Roberts is the one who told Bill Gates to shut the fuck up when the Microsoft chair tried to sell TV exces the same flaky tech for cable transmission that proved so troublesome to IBM.

The Gates' incident occurred back in the days when Bill was at the height and zenith of his power. He'd arranged a big sit down with the TV people, Roberts among 'em, and then went into his hi powered sales routine. Bill had this new tech that he promised would revolutionize the TV industry. The tech in question was a device in the form of a box that was to be mounted on top of TV sets.

big bang theories

Naturally the box would run on a Microsoft operating system. Microsoft would then charge the companies their usual licensing fee for the software. This was the same set up as MicroS (or MSoft if you prefer)had with Big Blue and their PC's. Now some folk think that the arrangement didn't work out so well for IBM (the McLuhanists maintain that IBM merely missed the point. They were still back in the industrial age and selling computers like farm equipment. As Marshall McLuhan himself pointed out, they failed to realize that they were really in the information business!).

nerds of note

Well Bill concludes his big deal presentation and then sits back to see what the prospective costumers think. Gates didn't have to wait long for feedback. It was Comcast Pres Roberts who piped up, saying "Well, Bill, let me be the first to say, 'No fucking way.'" Perhaps the whole IBM thing had soured him. Then again nerds with Asperger's Syndrome don't always hit it off in the world of entertainment (unless their Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg). Of course the story is apocryphal, which means that it may never have happened - so the story has a place here!

Hollywood gone Riverdale

Anyway back to Chelsea and that big mouth of hers. Handler's mouth has always been loaded for big game. That should be no surprise. It's also no surprise that she's a good friend of Jolie's feared nemesis Jennifer Aniston. To update the half dozen people in the world who don't know Aniston is the gal that homewrecking cunt Angelina Jolie stole Brad Pitt from. That was back during the filming of Mr & Mrs Smith, and has lead to America's longest running real life soap opera as the threesome (Brad, Jolie, & Jen) continue to act out the whole Archie, Betty, & Veronica routine before an enthralled public.

release dates & keeping up with Kardashian

While Brad and Angelina raided the third world for chic causes to support and adorable orphans to adopt, Jen moped around. She made some halfhearted stabs at romance; usually with her co stars and usually at about the time of her films' release dates. The relationships generally broke up after the 1st or 2nd week's box office returns came in, causing some to speculate that the hook ups were promotional stunts, like Kim Kardashian's Gabriel Aubry hook up. Kardashian will do anything to hype herself including date Justin Bieber - sort of, pose in a coffin, and quit Twitter. Publicity's been a down hill slide for her, and about the only stunt she hasn't pulled is posing on a platter with an apple in her mouth, Hawaiian luau style! She's kind of like Lady Gaga without the talent & flair.

who's afraid of the big bad bunny?

Speaking of Kardashian she may as well be Anna Nicole Smith without the drama. Anna Nicole was an example of what can happen when bunnies go bad, and was a kind of contrast to Pamela Anderson. Anderson was also a proud graduate of the Playboy School of Self Exploitation. Whereas Anderson was a good Canadian bunny who was gracious and grateful for her opportunities, took a bit part in a popular comedy, and then went on to become successful by finding a project she could do in a bathing suit; Anna Nicole Smith was the big bad bunny who married a decrepit Mr. Burns type billionaire for money (unless she had even creepy reasons and with Anna, let's face it, who knows), quarreled with her family on the nightly news (remember her "Bring it on Momma" to her mother Virgie Arther back on an old ABC Dateline?), and work in reality TV. In many ways her life was reality TV. Not that this has anything to do with Brangeliniston.

Cox the fox & entertainment gravitas

What does have to do with Brangliston is Jennifer Aniston who when we left her was moping and pining around with her co stars. You can only do that for so long until it becomes monotonous (and when has America's favorite triangle ever been anything but monotonous?) so Jen worked in some new moves like hangin' with Courtney Cox. That relationship must've gotten strained about the time of Cox's David Arquette troubles. Divorce talk would've brought back bad memories and besides, Arquette's issues are just so creepy what with the "Mommy, Mommy!" and the allegedly thumb sucking (unless that's apocryphal too)! So Aniston gravitated to some one more fun, like Chelsea Handler!

"Weren't you Jennifer Aniston" & heavy duty female bonding

Aniston and Handler have been paling around together lately. The gals were recently down inn San Cabo, Mexico where the ladies indulged in the favorite pastimes together: Aniston toked up while Helsea Chandler got juiced on vodka and hit on random men. Anyway it made a nice change from weepy Courtney. Plus it had the added advantage of making Aniston seem relevant by hanging with a cool edgy comedy chick, while Chelsea enjoyed being mistaken for Aniston by locals! So with all that heavy duty female bondage bonding going on Chelsea was bound to get feeling protective about her powerful new friend. That's what probably lead to Handler's on stage outburst. That and perhaps a 5th of Jack Daniels.

Jolier than thou and the biggest baddest bunny of them all!

That brings us up to the backlash. Handler might not have been expecting that since if she had she wouldn't have said it (unless that was all part of the plan!). Besides, as as a more toned down Handler has been recently explaining in her numerous recent damage control statements she's always made fun of Jolie. She's been making fun of Jolie for 5 years or more. In fact she's been making fun of Jolie from back in the days when Jolie restricted her sexual activities to friends and allegedly close blood relatives, and well before she became a home wrecking cunt bitch whore on a one woman jihad against marriage - or what ever it was that Handler recently called her.

the beef goes on!

Handler makes a good point there. Not that Jolie is a home wrecking cunt bitch whore on a one woman jihad against marriage; but that she's been making these jokes for an awfully long time. It's safe for her to say that because this whole damned thing has been going on for a long time, a damned long time. Brangeliston has been a tabloid - late night monologue mainstay for years. So much so that it's surprising that anyone still pays attention. Even more so since Brangeliston, like Chandler herself, has been short on fresh material lately. So that being said It's surprising that anyone still cares enough about Brangeliston to still pay attention, let alone care enough to work up the bile required to get outraged and storm the Internet. Or as Chelsea might say "So what's the big deal?"

Brangie - More Misery

Different day, same shit

So what do you do when you significant other celebrates a birthday? If you're Brad Pitt then you probably spend the day riding around aimlessly in a chauffeur driven SUV while swilling beer after beer after beer. At least that's what eye witness said, and was reported in celebrity gossip blog Backseat Cuddler. Naturally this public misery reflects badly on the Voodoo Queen. So when he got back Bitchelina let him have it "Did you even stop and think about how your misery makes me look!!!?" - there was a huge fight. It got so bad that Angelina Bitchy even went so far to cancel their plans to take the kids to see Sesame Street LIVE! How did their lives become so mundane and still remain so insane?

Transmundane

There may have been even more to the story than Brad rolling around drunk in public. The gal who has publicly stated on numerous occasions that she doesn't frighten easily is scared shitless by one person - Jennifer Aniston. When Brad went missing in action Girl Interrupter's first and only thought was that Brado had gone back to the ex. Naturally that provoked a 5 alarm freak out, and the cancellation of the Sesame Street deal.

superfreak is totally psycho

The commotion has lead some unnamed sources to comment: “At the last minute she told the staff the whole thing was off. She didn’t give any reason, just said that they weren’t needed and that she and Brad and the kids were going to stay home.” Worse still a former body guard is commenting “She’s Totally Psycho”, referring to his former employer. Seems like life with a crazy person is a lot less satisfying than Hollywood movies would have had us believe.


Life with a lunatic can take it's tole. Read about Brad Pitt's lost good looks @ BettyConfidential.com. He's gone from Joe Handsome to the 4rth member of ZZ Top since he hooked up with Bitchelina.

Craxy & Crazy

Go go rehab

Whitney Houston's comeback continues to go badly. Last time there was any news about Whitney it was when the audience walked out on her in Paris. Now the singer has been hospitalized in London. After singing off key Houston apparently ran out of breath. A doctor has diagnosed her with an upper respiratory infection. If you're asking yourself is Whitney back on crack you won't be the only one.

InTouch claims that the singer is back on crack. They refer to an incident where Whitney was seen snort a mysterious white powder from a bag. There source is eyewitness Marlon David, who sat only a table away from Whitney and her ex Bobby Brown @ the Beverly Wilshire hotel in LA on March 10. According to David Houston walked in with Brown and once seated began swearing loudly and demanded a "fucking drink". She then pulled a bag out of her purse, rolled a bill, and snorted a line of 'white powder'. David describes Whitney as looking thin and "out of it". Not surprisingly Whitney's people have denied the story and swear up and down that the singer is clean and healthy. Video clips of Houston's performance show her far from healthy. Apparently she sweats when she tries to reach the high notes.

Crack is whack, and whack is back!

Whitney went broke doing a "poor people's drug". I just feel so bad for her. Now you know what the greatest love of all is. Whitney ain't the only one who's gonna be doing drugs, Angelina Jolie will be too if she reads the latest tabloid covers.

Parenthetically speaking

If you're Angelina Jolie (and be glad that you're not - if she has as hard a time living with herself as others do living with her, then her life must be hell. I guess she likes being surrounded by people so she won't have to be alone with herself - misery loves company!)it doesn't matter how realistic the rumors are for them to be believable, just how insecure and unstable you are. Brad's looking rough these days. I wonder what his problem could be? Maybe it's the psychotic in his life, and I don't mean Aniston. Aniston is merely neurotic.



Since the list only featured movie characters there were some notable omission's, like Lila Tourney-West in Showtime's Dexter. Lila was every bit as crazy as Girl Interrupted Angelina Jolie. Not that I'm implying Jolie is a serial murderess or anything, but would it surprise you if she was? It might take more than Dexter Morgan to get Jolie out of Brad Pitt's life.



Speaking of girls interrupted, the latest Tiger Woods hook up to come out is none other than the 22 year old daughter of his neighbor. That young woman's name is Raychel Coudriet and she's claiming to have had a one nighter with Woods in the golfer's office.

A hole in one