Chelsea Handler continues to kiss Aniston's ass

A few days ago Chelsea Handler made the cheap shot heard around the world - she told a drunken heckler to sit down and shut up! Then she called Angelina Jolie a "fucking cunt" and a "fucking whore". That was right after she mentioned something about homewrecking. The references go back a little ways to when Jolie hooked up with Brad Pitt, there by causing the demise of his marriage to Aniston. Jen took that kind of hard. She never seemed to bounce back - well she did and then some professionally but personally she seemed a little like a boat without a rudder as she drifted from one PR staged relationship to another.

Jen hasn't been a total recluse. She's kept company and passed time with a small inner circle of close trusted associates - or 'friends' if you will. There's been Courtney Cox and her erstwhile husband Baby Boy David Arquette. These days there has been Chelsea Handler. She's kept Aniston company on some recent trips south of the border of those kind of vacations that middle aged women at loose ends have: Aniston on the weed and Handler juiced on vodka and hitting on anything that moved. Some might question whether that makes up for the lack of a cxlose personal romantic relationship. Handler's doing her best to fill the void. In fact these days Handler is getting so sucky with Aniston that Jen's ass is getting kissed more than Oprah Winfrey's by non lesbian Gayle King.

Ass Kissing is a strong phrase but there doesn't seem anything else to call it. Many speculated that her whole Jolie is a cunt stunt was a way of stroking her celebrity friend. Handler does have a history of getting personal to get on in the world. She got her show back when she was still dating E Channel's head.

Now Handler has come out and more or less admitted that her Angelina rant was a Team Aniston thing. In one of her recent clarifications Handler admitted to admiring Aniston whom she's descries as incredibly funny. She then goes on to say that Jolie - on the other hand - is an insincere woman (nice way of saying bitch) whom she can't make herself like. Those comments, which probably didn't help much, were given to non other than Katie Couric, in Glamor Mag, & here they are verbatim:

KATIE COURIC: Is there anybody who really makes you laugh? A woman who really makes you laugh, other than me?
CHELSEA HANDLER: Jennifer Aniston makes me laugh. She’s irreverent and hilarious, and she sends me really, really funny e-mails.
KATIE COURIC: She’s funny?
CHELSEA HANDLER: Very.
KATIE COURIC: And speaking of that, wow, girl, you went off on Angelina Jolie recently.
CHELSEA HANDLER: Yeah, I’m not a fan. She just doesn’t come off to me as a sincere woman. She seems like a woman that you’d really want to avoid.

There you have it - Aniston is a fantastic woman who would never remove an orphan from their natural environment for her own selfish personal ends! That's a bit more understated than Handler's used to, so you can tell what a big deal this is. You can also tell exactly how Handler feel's because even though she's in damage control spin mode she still doesn't bother to hide her feelings. The spin is right out there for everyone to see - just like Fox News. So I guess that she deserves some credit for sticking to her guns a little. Next time though, it might be a good idea not to go off half cocked.

The Fabulous Clip Joint

How much does a really smart A List hair style cost? If you're Liv Tyler it could run up to $200 000! To be clear that not only includes the cost of the hair cut, but also all the additional charges that could get run up on your credit card without your knowledge. Lovely Liv favors a salon called Chez Gabriela Studio, run by Maria Gabriela Perez. Perez boasts an A List clientele including the likes of Cher, Jennifer Aniston, and Anne Hathaway. It's not only the glitterati that are beating a path to her door. Wednesday afternoon the Secret Service dropped by with an arrest warrant.

Allegedly Ms Perez was making free and easy with the credit card numbers of some of her celebrity clients. Ms Tyler, in particular, got hit up for 214 000 over the course of 5 months! She's also accused of running up 68 000 in charges on the card of an unnamed jewelry designers. This is heavy shit, and could land the hair stylist in the klink for as much as 25 years!

Jennifer Aniston was a former client of Chez Gabriella, but left after a falling out. Jen says: "We had a situation that was not cool, so I stopped going to her. Paid her the money and left. ... I knew something like this would eventually happen." A lawyer for Perez says: "At this time she is innocent of all charges. She is a legitimate business woman who provides legitimate services. We are confidant when the facts come out my client will be exonerated of all charges." Ms Perez better hope that some of her lawyer's faith in her rubs off on the Secret Service!

Annie get your gun

In other news Sarah Palin has shown that she just doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut. Sarah had just cracked the difficult Levi Johnston problem. According to a story in the National Enquirer Palin felt that she had no chance as a 2012 presidential run as long as Levi was running his mouth publicly about her. So she lured him into a false sense of security by urging Bristol to get friendly with him, and invite him to spent quality time with the family.

The plan worked and Levi retracted all the stuff he said. He claimed that it was merely youthful indiscretion on his part. Damned by his own retraction anything he might say in the future would be regarded skeptically. However the plan hit a snag when Bristol and Levi announced their engagement and plans for a reality TV show. Sarah didn't see that one coming. When the news broke that Levi had knocked up another young woman - a childhood friend of Bristol's - the engagement was off and everything was coming up Sarah.

Soon Sarah herself would put a spanner in the works. The former Alaskan governor has recently coming out voicing support for disgraced radio shrink Dr Laura Schlessinger. Schlessinger got into a heap of trouble for using the N word repeatedly on air in response to a woman calling for advice on dealing with racist in laws. That lead to a speedy mea culpa on the partof Ms Schlessinger, and eventually her retirement announcement.

Palin has taken to twitter to support Schlessinger, claiming that she believes that Dr Laura's 1st amendment right to use racial charged language has been suppressed. Below are Palin's tweets:




Now it should be pointed out that Schlessinger's right to use racist language has not been suppressed. She can stick her head out the window and holler the N word at passer bys to her heart's content if that's what she wishes. However privately owned radio concerns don't owe her a forum. That's the technicality on which Dr Laura's persecution argument falls down. To give Laura credit, she's claiming that she will continue to voice her controversial opinions on her own time, and at her own expense, by way of youtube and the blogosphere. Freedom of speech within a free market context is as much as any conservative has a right to expect. No word yet on how this affects Palin's presidential hopes, but I don't think she's planning a Mel Gibson defense or anything.

Is Jennifer Aniston losing it?

stuffed chicken breasts

Now by losing it I don't mean to imply that she's some kind of 40 year old virgin (everyone knows that she's maturing into America's favorite unmarried aunt - you know, the crazy one who went off to become an actress and came back with her dreams smashed). Jen's been around the block and back again. She was married to Brad Pitt. Plus she's the one who thought of using chicken cutlets as bra stuffers when going out on casting calls. I'd have used veal, just in case some one tries to cop a feel, but hey that's just me.

lost youth, losing marbles

There comes a point in a woman's life when if she isn't involved or doesn't have kids she can start going peculiar. Much more peculiar than walking around with a bra full of semi thawed poultry. Some women drink. Others will get morbidly concerned with pets (I heard of one woman on the wrong side of 40 who decided to have her cat circumcised. I know another who spends hours in the evening rubbing her dog's paws with Vaseline and mineral oil to keep his little toes moist. Of course the dogs has started walking with a limp but that just seems to confirm to her that he needs his nightly massages.). Actresses can go down the awful plastic surgery route. Their lips get bigger and their noses get smaller & their foreheads get smother & shinier with each year past 40. Hunter Tylo is a disgraceful example of this.

don't get lippy, don't go to the dogs

Now Jenny hasn't gone to the dogs, though she did do that Marley & Me movie. She hasn't gone plastic either. It would probably be more than she could bear to get lip enlargement, considering who her nemesis is. I don't think that she's drinking excessively either. In fact the only bottle in her life now seems to be the baby bottle.

gotta be a cover story!

She's not adopting. She's gone on a radical new Follywood diet. The good news is that Jenny's lost 7 pounds in a week. That's 1 pound a day, or 28 in a month should she keep it up. The bad news is that the diet consists of eating about 14 small servings of baby food a day. Lest you think I'm making this up I remind you that no one in their right mind could make this up. Plus it's being reported on the TV! Just have a look see at the following video, while I go thaw out some veal!


If you ever want to make a million then just come up with some crank weight loss plan. Asparagus smoothies, or something like that. The glitterati will just eat that up with a spoon. It's easy to scoff at their gullibility. That is assuming they actually practice these dingbat ideas, and are not merely using them as cover stories for the usual weight lose methods: drugs & surgery. However there might be something to this baby food thing. Had Elvis practiced this diet he might have avoided the embarrassing constipation that allegedly killed him.

BTW about those rumors that Angelina Jolie is having radical lip reduction surgery - I haven't heard anything. She probably does want to prove that she more than an outsize set of lips. She probably would also like to prove that her stardom consists of more than fetish appeal. Since she can't carry a film on her own (she's Hollywood's top supporting actress!), getting her lips trimmed might be a more practical way of showing that. Besides she's reaching an age where she has to think about electrolysis and waxing. Defoliating those monsters as they are now would be an undertaking!

Oprah Bio Author Kitty Kelley Talks About Cold Shoulder

trophy target

Stalking Oprah

When you go after Oprah Winfrey you'd better go loaded for bear. That's what Kitty Kelley usually does whenever she writes an unauthorized biography about any of her high profiles targets. now the Queen of dirt wants to add Oprah Winfrey to her trophy collection.

taking the heat over cold shoulder

Kelley has just released her new Oprah book and it appears to follow form with her Sinatra, the Royals, the Bushes, etc. bios. There's already a lot of talk about drugs, incest, prostitution, homosexuality, Gayle King, and the Kitty Kelley media freeze out! Who knew that Oprah lived such an interesting life?

the Oprah Effect 2.0

Ms. Kelley seems particularly concerned with the freeze out. Usually whenever Kitty writes a tell all, the interviewers line up. Not now. Apparently Oprah is using her massive influence, the kind she used to make Dr Phil, Dr Oz, and Rachel Ray household names, to keep Kitty off of the talk show circuit. Of course that hasn't stopped people from talking about it. Quite the contrary! Here's a little news clip featuring Ms Kelley discussing her unauthorized book and it's unofficial reaction.

fame in the sleaze age

Oprah should've realized the day that Tom Cruise hopped off her couch and into celebrity crazytown that no one can control their own image in the information age. What's more fame can turn on you to the point where everyone can cash in on your secrets, except you. Sandra Bullock could've explained that sad fact to her. So will you be lining up for your copy of the book that promises to tell you about the real Oprah? I'm sure that Tom Cruise already has his advance copy - complete with special deleted chapters. Fame still has it's privileges - though it's a much bigger pain in the ass than it used to be.

"Despite your effort...
despite your might...
you cannot escape...
from Oprah's sight..."

Just because Oprah is freezing Kelley out of the talk show circuit doesn't mean that Oprah is unaware of the book's existence. Oprah directly addressed the book recently at the Matrix Awards. While Oprah skipped the usual red carpet, she did launch into the book, describing it as a 'so called' biography.

Then she went right into a spiel about her mysterious BFF Gayle King. Oprah said that King had her hands full with all of Oprah's new biodads coming out of the work work. They probably want a piece of the action, or at least one of those new cars Oprah is so fond of giving away. Oprah then went on to describe Gayle as a wonderful friend who cares more about Lady O than she does her self, and who has never ever been jealous of Oprah no not one day in her life (except for an incident involving Oprah and Tina Turner!). Complete dog like devotion is all that any celeb asks from their companions and that's a tall order when you're so full of yourself positivity. That level of positivity usually brings out the worst in people.

Oprah's final word on the book - "This to shall pass."

Oprah might be on to something with the "this to shall pass" idea - even though it's not original. As previously posted right here on Wondertrash Mad Mel Gibson has split from his Russian sugartits Oksana Grigorieva shortly after the birth of their child Lucia. It's even worse than that, Oksana is having her Mel tattoo removed. The tattoo in question is a small hammer & sickle on her ankle that Mel advised her to get. Who knew Mel's mind worked that way? No word on whether or not she's having the 10 pounds of facial filler removed.

One thing that isn't passing is the trouble Suvivor producer Bruce Beresford-Redman is in. He got in trouble after the murdered body of his wife Monica was found stuffed into a sewer outside their Mexican hotel. Naturally police assumed he did it. Even more so now that new rumors of mutual infidelity have come out. Head over to Celebrity Bitchslap for a little more on that.



Bogus zen: Celebrities have a head for heights, unfortunately many of them haven't learned the fine art of taking a fall. Tom Cruise didn't even managed to make the 2 foot hop from Oprah's couch unscathed (he only damaged his ego, but when you're a Follywood celebrities that's one of your most important assets!). So here now is a Wondertrash thought of the day: Remember that it's better to be on the ground wising that you were flying, than flying and wishing you were on the ground.

GERARD BUTLER & JENNIFER ANISTON ADMIT CHEMISTRY FOR BOUNTY HUNTER

Tired of hearing about Sandra Bullock and her hubby's porn actress gal pal? Well here's a couple that seem to be getting along just fine. They're Jennifer Aniston and Gerrard Butler. There have been a lot of rumors about them too, though nothing involving either tattoos or porno chicks. Basically they've hit it off really well in their new movie The Bounty Hunter. In fact they've hit it off so well that tongues have started wagging. Both Jen and Gerry have been playing coy about the relationship stories, but in this interview the pair fess up that there is chemistry between them. Not only that but they're an attractive looking couple too!

For those not yet tired of the Sandra Bullock story there's a rumor that Jesse James has been pictured wearing the same hat that Stripper McGee wore in her Nazi themed photo shoot, and he's flashing the Heil Hitler salute! Oddly enough Sandra is Jewish on her mother's side. Helga Meyer is an opera singer from Nuremberg who married Sandra's father, a Texan. BTW Sandy is fluent in German.

Gerry Loves Jenny - have you seen Lindsay lately hiding in the shadows?

Gerrard Butler is singing Jennifer Aniston's praise and on the red carpet no less. Here's Gerry describing Aniston in almost ideal terms at their Bounty Hunter premier.





I wonder if TV's most famous fake stunt man Lee "Colt Seavers" Majors was invited to the premier. It would be a shame if this was interpreted as another Farrah Fawcett snub. Of course Farrah snubbed Lee first. Back when she was still Farrah Fawcett Majors, Lee left her alone one weekend to go out of town on business. He considerately asked his best friend Ryan O Neal to check in on her, to make sure that she was okay. That was a very foolish thing for Lee to do since the rest is tabloid history.

Speaking of tabloids, gossip column mainstay Lindsay Lohan is back to her old routine: hanging around LA and lurking in the shadows after dark. Some pesky paparazzi caught up with our favorite creature of the night recently to get her response on Michael Lohan's recent heart attack. Michael is more the type to give heart attacks than get them so this might be some dodge to stay out of court. Anyway Lindsay was very tight lipped on the subject. Just watch:

Jennifer Aniston confirms Gerard Butler romance!

They're together dancing tongue in cheek

Man that would've been a great role for James Garner once upon a time, maybe with Doris Day or a little later Mariette Hartley! Jenny sort of confirms the romance, in her tongue in check cheek way. For someone who doesn't pay any attention to the tabloids Jennifer Aniston seems to have a good grasp of what they're saying and what they want to know. I wonder what else she's being insincere about?

off the cuff or tongue in check?

Those aren't the only off the cuff remarks made in the entertainment industry. Just listen to Aubrey Plaza: