the fame problem
These days everyone seems to want their 15 minutes of fame. As Bart Simpson said, when Milhouse wanted to chuck his role as Fall Out Boy in the Radioactiveman film, "It's the duty of every patriotic American to want to be a movie star!" This strange form pf patriotism persists despite the ever growing number of cautionary tales in the from of fallen stars and disgraced celebrities - many of whom have been covered on this very site. Even though the Mel Gibsons, Gary Colemans, Tiger Woods, and countless others have crashed and burned in front of an international audience, others seem willing, and even eager to pay a terrible price to take their place. They seem heedless to the pitfalls of ego tripping and glory hounding.
Slumdog America - sad sequel to success
What are the pit falls? Well you might get e brief taste of glory, and then have it yanked away from you. While you doggedly chase the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, you might have to do many embarrassing things for the sake of chasing that dream. Worse still you might have to do these things in front of gawkers who ask you all kinds of humiliating questions like "What the fuck happened to you?" Take the case of the Slumdog Millionaire actress who couldn't walk away from the rat race gracefully, but went on to sell flowers on the street. That's bad enough, but what happens when some paparazzi recognize her and put her on the spot? Now this situation isn't hypothetical, and worse, got recorded on video!
That was so bad, still the paps got to the crucial question "What happened?" In show business shit happens - it's the nature of the business.
George goes Wham, again
It doesn't just hit also rans either. It can claim established winners too. Back in the day George Michael was one of the biggest names in the business. Lady Diana was in love with him, despite the rumors about his homosexuality. He had string of hits, and established himself as a producer par excellence. Then he started getting old, lonely, and irrelevant. That's when he started drugging. Now Michael wasn't discrete in his substance use. He'd get stoned, hop into his car, and then hit something - usually after falling asleep at the wheel.
Naturally this state of affairs couldn't be tolerated for long, even from a celebrity. So the law caught up with the former WHAM front man, and he had to face the music. That resulted in a recent trial in which Michael was sentenced to 6 weeks in prison. When Michael got the bad news he broke down in tears. Sons of bitches like the paparazzi were there to record the sad sorry seen, and other assholes such as myself were quick to repeat the story over the Internet. On that note here's the video coverage of GM.
It's important to always wear sunglasses when you've got it made: it's a way of getting attention by trying to go unrecognized, plus no one can see the tears when you smile for the cameras!
So fame isn't everything it's cracked up to be. Even if you manage to grab and hang onto some attention, you might be unemployable. After OJ Simpson's fall from grace everyone could cash in on him except him. He finally got busted over some sports memorabilia he was trying to sell through a friend who was trying to rip him off. When some other friends convinced him to take a stand on that - it wound up with OJ brandishing a gun in a motel room as the Vegas cops ruched to the scene. They bagged big game that day, in the form of the one that got away.
Your personal tragedies might become common knowledge to. The National Enquirer made a meal out of Annette Funicello's struggle with MS. Sometimes you might even collaborate in your own exploitation. That's what some suspect of the White House Gate Crasher and Real Washington House Wife who recently announced that she has MS.
Surely no one could be far gone enough to get a serious diagnosis and start wondering how they could use it. Some might question whether she's really sick. Most celebrities are sick, but not in that way.
Catcher in the Rye or Scarecrow on the tracks?
So fame really is a dirty dangerous business. It's chewed up and spit out many over the years. My hope in writing Wondertrash is that maybe one aspiring celeb out there will read this, think twice, and turn back to mundane reality. Perhaps that makes me more of a scarecrow than a Catcher in the Rye. Still, asking yourself "Is it worth it?" before it goes too far is a good idea. At least while there's still time to jump off the train. Once it reaches break neck speed, you're stuck on that ride.
Success may not be what it's cracked up to be, especially as currently narrowly defined. In fact I briefly toyed with the idea of starting another organization called PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Actors. It wouldn't work, since unlike animals, actors insist on being exploited.
gambling on divas
It not only costs celebrities, but those who exploit them. As celebs come undone the closer the come to ultimate success, studios and corp. are faced with having to replace valuable assets - in whom much has been invested. A multi million dollar project can be deep sixed if a key man goes Kayne or Chris Brown during production. Imagine casting Russell Crowe in a studio blockbuster, then investing millions in promotion, talking backing out of your corporate superiors, staking your personally reputation as a director or producer on the out come, only to have Russ, or whomever, go nuts and smack some one in public days before the premier. He goes down the tubes and takes you with him!
That raises the question about the future of fame. It maybe be why indie films are getting big. Low investment, minimal over head, with potential major pay off! It's also why networks are going 24/7 reality TV. For Survivor (still around) you only have to assemble a cast of ambitious unknowns and drop them some where. Only the winner gets the million. So that beats paying the cast of Friends 20 million a year each. Every body wins, except for all the ones who lost. The winner might go Richard Hatch - but that's his problem.
my modest proposal
There's another novel solution. Michael Bay got very close in Transfomers (Bay could've sacked the actors, kept the robots, and the flick might've done at least as well), and James Cameron got even closer in Avatar. It's not 3D (leave it to the rest of the industry to miss the point), but using computer simulated animation. Yes, digital celebrity might be the future of fame. Think about it; the messy human factor is eliminated from the bottom line equation. There would be no melt downs, & no fuck ups. Computer sims potentially look better than real actors, they don't age, don't get messy plastic surgery, & don't have agents cause they don't get paid. Plus you can turn them off! Sounds like an ideal solution!
Now that did come off as a little stiff and mechanical, but so do many pro actors. Plus tech development is increasing geometrically. so in a few years there will be no distinguishable difference between the performance of a robot, and a flesh and blood performer like Megan Fox! Of course it might puts rehabs out of business. Then again rehabs failed to teach celebs an important lesson: there is no fulfillment outside one's self.
"You're ready for the bigtime - once we fix your hair and get rid of the cornball costume, you'll have it made!"
is the fast lane a short cut to skid row?
There's no word yet on whether celebrities are going ot be replaced with robots. It would fit with the automation trend - using machines to do work too hazardous for humans. However if it happens, hopefully it will be covered right here. Wondertrash is your total celebrity source, covering the high life from the red carpet all the way to the gutter!
