When Anne Hathaway was announced as the host of this year's Oscars it rubbed some people the wrong way, like Tom Cruise. The problem is that Anne did a fairly funny send up of his significant other Katebot on SNL. I say fairly funny because hilarious is a strong word to use when Saturday Night Live is involved. Though the show has spotlighted some great talent over the years, it hasn't been really funny since, well ever. That is except for those delightful Stewart Smalley segments. It's a damned shame that Al Franken decided to give up honest work. Now for those who've forgotten here is that spot!"Remember us? Your mom thought we were hot!"
Now rubbed the wrong way is a bit strong. It's not like the Toothsome Twosome are about to flee to Vancouver and apply for refugee status or anything. In fact Tom Cruise's people haven't even officially snubbed the Academy Awards. That would be hard to do since Cruise probably hasn't been officially invited yet. The statement goes something like Cruise can't confirm because it depends on shooting schedules. Of course that raises the question "What shooting?" It's got to be pheasant or something because it couldn't possibly be a movie. Then again we should give him the benefit of the doubt. I hear that he does have something serious going on that evening. Rumour is that he has a big boys night out evening planned with fellow 80's super hunk Mel Gibson. They're gonna spend the night bitching about Jews and Thetans, and then try to work out some kind of reality TV project together! It's just like when you skipped your high school prom - remember?
"If you have to mock us then at least show us the respect of making the joke about us!"
Anyway the point is that Tom hasn't officially declined the invitation that hasn't officially been made. In fact poor little Anne Hathaway probably isn't even the real source of Cruise's displeasure. If you watch the SNL video clip Miley Cyrus and her Dad Billy Bob were clearly the butts of that joke. The skit made 'em look real bad, as if they were Palin Family rejects or something. "Mah L'il gal is all growed up. An finally, too. When they got me to get her ta do dat Vanity Fair instead of dah Playboy centerfold Ah wanted Ah thought it wuz gonna stunt her dahvelipmant or sumpin'. Ah can't have mah l'il gal growin' up sexually retarded or nothing." Dialogue like that hasn't been heard in popular entertainment since the late great Al Capp!
City girls grow up early, but country gals are born ready!
So the upshot is that the Cruises probably bailed because it finally sunk in that they're no longer A Listers. They can't come right out and say that. So they needed a face saving excuse, which happily Anne has provided! After all it's not like the Cyrus clan announced an Oscar boycott. I imagine that should the opportunity present it's self Miley Cyrus will be there with bells on; tassels and a G string too, if she can get away with it (She could go a lot farther but the Academy will never let her present in whipped cream)! Hopefully next year the Academy can get Chelsea Handler to present so that The Brangelina's will have an excuse to boycott. After The Tourist Big Lips sorely needs and excuse not to be seen at those Hollywood must see events. Cheers y'all!
On the bright side - Thing may have taken abit of a down turn for Tom but look at it this way, at least he's not boycotting the Emmy's.
For the strange tale of how Vancouver's most popular yoga instructor (Prana Yoga & Zen) allegedly cheated Canada Immigration, and her alleged drug trafficking activities go over to Bogus Zen!
My Big Fat Hollywood Award Show!
prediction for 2011 - Tom & Katie divorce: who gets custody of Dave Beckham?
BTW Wondertrash is gonna go out on a limb here and predict that 2011 is the year that Tomkat busts up. Things were never the same for Tom Cruise ever since he "fell in love" with Katie Holmes and went "off the couch" on Oprah. Before that he was the movies No 1 Top Gun. After Katie got in on the act is seemed to fuck up his luck. Let's just say that "jumped the couch" is both the new "off his rocker" and "jumped the shark".
the trouble with starting at the top is that there's nowhere to go but down!
The arrangement didn't do much for Katebot either. When she signed her Faustian Deal no doubt she expected all Hollywood to be laid out at her feet as she became the toast of the town and the hostess with the mostess. Instead her career went from nowhere to dead. Attempts at artificial failed hard too. Her Dirty Easy Money project or what ever that thing she did with Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah, failed bad. There was some Broadway success, but the big coup de grace for Tomkat may be the Kennedys.
Jackie Uh-Oh
The Kennedys was the project where Katie was supposed to play Jackie O. Now Jackie is an American Icon (though not currently represented by one of those 'dead agents' previously reported on here at Wondertrash). It would be easy for an ambitious actress to kid herself that this would be the role that brings her back. So she probably thought that this Cruise deal was finally about to pay off like she'd expected, in Hollywood stardom.
Keeping Katie in the style she's become accustomed to - disappointment!
If that's what Katebot thought then she was in for one of those usual disappoints, of the kind she should have become used to ever since she hitched her wagon to Top Gun Tom. Seems that the Kennedys has been canceled before it ever got aired or anything. Katie seems a bit devastated. She made some comment somewhere that she'd worked "really hard" on it. She probably had her hopes up too. So the arrangement has officially passed the point of diminishing returns.
face saving farce
Now it did that some time ago. However the principles in the farce couldn't really bail without looking silly. People would say 'It didn't work out right away so you bailed after all that talk about "love" this and "together" that'. In other words it would confirm that they were completely full of shit. So they had to stick it out for awhile just to save face -not that they saved any face really by playing the bizarre charade out.
now the plot thickens?
However now with Tom unable to buy an acting role and Katie's projects flopping like those dead birds that have been falling out of the sky lately - it seems like there's nothing to be gained by sticking it out any longer. From Katie's point of view it looks like as long as she sticks with Tom the only pro acting gig she'll have is as Mrs Cruise! Now with Cruise bailing on the Oscars - Hollywood's No 1 Main Event - it might finally sink in to Katie that the time as come to go. If that happens then remember that you read it here first, or would have if you are a regular Wondertrash reader!
