They used to say romance was dead - now it's time to put it out of it's misery!
Going from Sandra Bullock to Bombshell Magee seems something like a tragedy. Things have gotten even more tragic for Jesse James recently. Since fucking up his A List marriage JJ has gone on from Bullock to Magee and is currently seeing Kat von D (real name: Katherine von Drachenberg). Von D is the reality TV tattoo artist who got into a little but of shit by going Mel Gibson on her former boss. Her boss is of the Jewish persuasion and during some sort of office spat Kat left the fellow an autographed picture of herself complete with the phrase "Rot in hell Jew boy". Kat of course denied the incident and went on to claim that the guy set her up, explaining that - 'you know what those Jews are like'. Actually that last bit is a joke. Kat never said that part; but she might as well have, since you know what von D is like!"Hey Jesse - set up the camera and come lick the maggots out of my twat!"
Anyhow James and Von D have recently taken their arrangement to the next level - by announcing that their tying the knot. They've probably been tying each other in knots for a while now, since Jesse has an avid interest in fetish sex. His ex Janine Lindmueller and Bombshell "I'm so proud my kids are white" Magee can b seen featured on any number of fringe sex websites rolling around in dog shit, covered in vomit, etc. It's basically stuff too raw and rancid even to be shown or linked here. So you can just imagine how nasty their sex life is.
I'm the luckiest MoFo in the world!
So what is meant by tying the knot in this case is that they're making their scuzzy skeevy love official. Von D announced the impending nuptials on her Twitter account recently, tweeting that "I guess the 'kat' is outta the bag, eh? Thank you for all the wonderful, loving congratulations from you all. Overwhelmed with joy right now!" In Hollywood you just don't get more official than Twitter! In this case the whole sordid romance played out via that medium as the gruesome twosome exchanged terns of endearment and other sweet nothing with each other, and the rest of the world. Terms of endearment mean stuff like this:
James: "I would like to be with you at this time. Even if only it could take your hand, as that first night."
Earlier in the month: "I have never felt so loved! I'm the luckiest MoFo in the world! 48 hours away from you feels like a year...you will never be anything but beautiful to me."
lust in the dust in 140 characters or less
Just think of how lucky we are the Twitter has a 140 character limited. Not only does is put the brake son Jesse & Kat's public displays of gross out romance, but Jesse surely would've spelled MoFo right out, if he didn't have to consider the posting limit. That still leaves the question open of how low these two are gonna go as they plumb the deaths of depravity for fun and profit. The answer to that question will probably be answered when they release they honeymoon sex video as a prelude to their reality TV deal. On the other hand, KVD recently tweeted, or something, that "I think our relationship has matured so much and matures every day and grows. I am not ashamed of anything. I am really excited about it. Everyday we grow stronger." So maybe going into things by faking the right attitude counts for something. Besides - she was clearly telling the truth when she said she's not ashamed of anything.
Wondertrash - the anti terror blog
only you can help us fight celebrity terrorism!
A useless man throwing himself away on a worthless woman may seem like a tragedy - or merely a waste of oxygen and public attention, but putting this events into proportion can help us deal with these kind of outrages. For one thing worse things have happened to better people. While you can question "What could be worse than either of these two marrying anyone, let alone each other?"; no one can question that there are better people. In fact you could probably find more outstanding examples of humanity in the sex offender wing of your local prison, or at an Al Qaeda meeting! I added that last part because some of our regular readers are from Homeland Security. You've got to be careful what you say online or the big boys will get right on your ass! Now Wondertrash definitely plays for the home team; but our war on terror concentrates more on celebrity terrorism.
George Clooney helps fill Larry King's hole - gets infected!
Terrible mercy riots
Now one of those better people that worse stuff has happened to would be George Clooney. Clooney was in Sudan earlier: either scouting out film locations, genuinely trying to do something for his fellow man, or just trying to show that Angelina Jolie doesn't have a monopoly on sanctimonious hype, when a mosquito bit him. It not only bit him but left him something to remember him by - malaria. Clooney made this revelation recently on Piers Morgan's new show. So if this teaches us anything - in addition to get your shots before you leave the country - it's than CNN is really really serious about filling the Larry King hole. As for Clooney he shouldn't worry too much - about half of Hollywood is carrying around way worse bugs than that!BTW don't be too concerned about Homeland Security's occasional presence on this site. They're not tracking visitors for anti celebrity, and therefore possibly anti American sentiments. So we're not on any official shit list - unless some of Ricky Gervais' powerful new enemies got in touch with their powerful Washington friends to complain about this blog's support of his Golden Globe routine. ("Remember when we got the President elected? Now you owe us a favour!" Oprah Winfrey Network, or OWN, rearranges nicely into NWO. Think about it!)
The HS boys are just doing what so many civil servants do - surfing for porno at work when they're supposed to be doing their job! Now I could say that this is an example of how American tax dollars are being wasted, but I prefer to look at the positive side of it. In that sense they have much in common with the Muslim world. Many of our visitors are from the Middle East, and have found their way here by web searching "Brittney Spears private parts" etc. The search terms are often misspelled - so the kind of arrive by accident, like Columbus when he discovered America by mistaking it for India. Anyhow the important thing to remember is that repressed Middle Eastern Islamic extremists and middle aged ivy league frat boys have way more in common then they think - like Miranda Kerr's camel toe! On behalf of the blog let me just say 'Thank you Miranda for your part, in helping keep the world together!'
Gigitty gigitty goo - another cat out of the bag!
PS - fanboys may be interested to know the the new Catwoman has finally been named and it's Anne Hathaway. Now Anne one gorgeous chick, though her talent and professionalism have some what eclipsed her natural hotness! This role may remedy that. one she's seen in her latex catsuit the fetish community will probably freak the fuck out! In fact look for funky smelling weirdos to be walking funny for the first month or two. While Anne would make a fantastic Catwoman, I always had her pegged more as Hawkgirl!
Now here's a music video dedication to the fair Ms. Hathaway in honor of her new role - Jethro Tull's Strip Cartoon. Look forward to seeing you in your textured rubber rain gear playing in shades of gray, in your black & white strip cartoon.
