Livin la vida Lopez
Jennifer Lopez brings a lot to a relationship - like her big freakin' ego. She also has as much impact on the guys she's with as a meteor strike. Like remember when Ben Affleck used to have a A List career? You may remember Ben from such flicks as Pearl Harbor with some chick named Kate Beckinsale. Oh yeah, and he co stared in all of Matt Damon's early work - you know, his good stuff, before he went Bourne Identity.The good, the bad, but mostly the fugly
Back then Benji was Hollywood's #1 stud. So naturally JLo figured that she was entitled (note to celebrities, if you're gonna change your name and then change it back; then don't change it to anything shorter or easier to spell than your original working name. Writers are lazy bastards, so if the new name is easier it's gonna stick - like JLo!). JLo insinuated her way into Ben's life until they became Brangelina before Brangelina was cool. They even had a nifty combination name - Bennifer!
actor loses his damon
The Bennifer moniker should give everyone who doesn't recall an indication of what everyone at the time thought about their pairing. Matt Damon was so disgusted that he turned his back on Ben. He went on to make some remarks in interviews about it being like watching a car wreck - 'you try to give the guy a few heads up, but then you realize that there's nothing you can do'. Since the industry and the fans were already through with Affleck, Damon made it unanimous. With Affleck's image and career in shreds, the woman known as La Porca in some segments of the Latino entertainment community moved on. Not that Benji was the first damage she'd done.
Diddy diddly do!
Back in the day she used to hang with Diddy. Diddy was the guy who made her a star (she was briefly known for playing slain Texmex singer Selina in a biopic made after the sexy singer's untimely demise; but the consensus at the time was that Lopez lacked the charisma, talent, and sex appeal to do Selina justice. Since JLo gave a disappointing performance in a disappointing film, she went away for awhile, until Anaconda.) by producing her one successful, and genuinely good, album. That w as the one that featured her "If You Want My Love" single.
the scene of the crime
Diddy was handling JLo in every sense of the word, not just career wise. So they were out and about together quite a bit. In fact JPig was on his arm that fateful night when some one got shot at a club the dynamic duo were attending. No one is quite sure exactly what happened, even though there was some kind of a trial to determine exactly what happened. All anyone is relatively sure of is that a gun got drawn, and then discharged. After that Diddy and JPig were seen beating a hasty exit from the nightclub. Some witness claimed he saw a gun get heaved out of the sun roof of Diddy's limo as it sped away from the crime scene. While it might be unfair to say that JPig was responsible for that, or helped cause the incident, Diddy dumped her fat ass shortly after the trial clued up. Don't make a lady angry until you've got her testimony on record!
JLo seemed to have mellowed with age. For one thing she had become willing to pay for companionship. While some were observing that it was the only way she could get it after her train wreck love life, her defenders maintained that it was a bad habit she picked up off of her idol Madonna. Anyway paying for love is where Marc Anthony came in.
"cash flow" spells "flash cow"
He was a back up singer for JLo or something, and Her Majesty began waving money under his nose. So naturally he went for it. A Lucrative deal it was too. JLo was worth a ton. She'd done quite a few A List movies - all of which flopped (People were so sick of Lopez by that time that they wouldn't even pay to see her die in Jersey Girl - though it must of been tempting for many), but she still had to be paid a king's ransom for doing them. So she had a hefty sized nut tucked away. Over $100 mill by some estimates.
booty looty
So JLo kept Marc A interested by making free with her considerable loot. She bought him a part interest in a major league sports franchise for one thing. Not that she didn't get value for her money. Marc
What with the constant egomania JPig must've been a real pill to live with. If it wasn't for her millions and millions of dollars it just wouldn't have been worth it (and money was all that she had. Marc A's career didn't exactly move into overdrive - unlike JLo's ego - since hooking up with her. Though she's never done a guy's career any good, these days she's got less star maker ability than Tom Cruise. Not that I'm comparing Marc A to Katie Holmes or anything.). The trouble is that the money is running out. With the money running out the marriage is starting to crack.
putting the passion back in the relationship
Financial concerns may have been what caused JLo to take the American Idol gig. It also caused her to move to LA, which is a city Marc A hates passionately. So Marc has retaliated by booking himself out on tour for around about the time that JLo's American Idol gig starts. So he won't be in the audience all supportive of the little woman, like Sarah Palin during Bristol's Dancing With The Stars spot. What's more Marc ain't taking the missus' phone calls. Or when he does he yells at her and hangs up.
dues to pay
The plot thickens. Some, like Celebitchy, have called Marc 'money hungry' for booking his tour dates. They have also pointed out that Marc A has some heavy duty IRS trouble in the form of millions in unpaid back taxes. Now they claim that Marc has worked out an arrangement with the IRS - probably something like "Hey guys, you know my pig of a wife is good for it". However the key words in this are "IRS" and "millions in owed back taxes". So this sort of thing don't blow over easy - not even if you're Willie Nelson or Wesley Snipes. If they filed joint returns than JLo could be in a dilly of a pickle, depending on how personally liable she is for her husband's debts.
The upshot is that with all that pressure the two don't talk anymore - not with out the mediation of a referee anyway. They just scramble around trying to make some cash. So JLo has her reality TV gig (AI is hoping that she can be the new Simon Cowell - while she can be just as unpleasant can she be as witty and entertaining? Probably not, but she can still get paid for it, which has been the secret of her success, up till now), and Marc Anthony is booking every gig he can line up.
That ain't all he's booking either. Insiders are telling tales out of school from Marc A's tour; tales about him getting drunk and friendly with other young ladies (Now the IRS might drive anyone to drink, and JLo could drive any man into the arms of other women). Remember that old saying about most marriages cracking up over money issues? Well at this point I'm guessing that the only thing preventing an immediate divorce is that it would screw up the IRS paper work, and no one wants that right now.
Mama Mia
Speaking of Celebitchy, they've just done a fascinating article on the cultural impact of American reality TV overseas. Let's put it this way, now well mannered Americans have something else to apologize for; in addition to George W Bush, and a public education system that renders young adults too retarded to compete effectively on game shows or in beauty pageants!
trashtastic - oops we did it again!
Guess who made writer of the day, again (over 12 times so far) on zimbio.com?
