Worth Her Salt?

So is Angelina Jolie finally over? The buck toothed big lipped actress has been dominating the entertainment industry for years, despite not really having delivered any major box office wins for quite sometime. In fact the last thing she was really successful in was Tomb Raider. Since then she's stunk up Clint Eastwood's The Changeling, tormented the life out of Brad Pitt until he began looking like the forth member of ZZ Top, and has done some successful cartoon voice over work such as Kung Fu Panda (she currently signed on to reprise her work in the up coming sequel). Oh yeah, and she has inspired inexhaustible sympathy for Jennifer Aniston.

oh schmuck! bumbling idiot out does sexy bad ass

With the results from her latest (and lastest?) outing Salt in, it doesn't look good. Salt opened in the #2 spot trailing Leo DiCaprio's Inception. Inception dropped about 35% in box office returns from it's opening to it's second week but still managed to handily beat Salt by about 15 mill. Worse still, in Salt's second week out it was beaten down to 3rd place by Steve Carrell's Schmuck. Jolie was always prompted as the world's #1 movie star. Yet she's failed to deliver the kind of game changing performances from some one expected to carry a film.

Back in the old days Tom Cruise and Mel Gibson were Hollywood's top game changers, who could turn a decent film with a mediocre script into a no 1 with blockbuster box office returns. So far Jolie has failed to deliver like that. That means her career might be on the bubble, and she might not make it onto next years A List. To get front row center at the award show circuit every year you have to do something more than show up with Brad Pitt and a mystery bump in your belly!

The fact is that with an opening of 30 mill, or whatever Salt pulled in, the producers might have gotten as good results from the more affordable Milla Jovovich. Jovovich has managed to get #1 openings for most of her main films. A few of the Resident Evils had opening day results superior to Salt (one of them opened to 48 mill I believe). Even Ultraviolet took the #1 spot on it's opening weekend, & that was a film that even Milla fans described as 'shitty' (Which I thought was harsh. It was no worse a movie than the recent A Team.).



It's not really Jolie's fault. She's a case of the Peter Principle applied to show business. She was Hollywood's #1 supporting actress back in her Girl Interrupted & Gone in 60 Seconds days. She was good at it too. Given a strong cast and a good script she could add that little extra fire to make the project really memorable. Let's face it though, Jolie is at best a hood ornament, or a spark plug in the machine. She's not the main drive component that a Cruise, or a Gibson, was.

Yet Hollywood seemed to have bought into the sex sells theory and assumed that Jolie's magic vagina would pour out golden eggs until it finally dried up sometime int he distant future. They also narrowly defined her as an actress. They seemed to think she was only capable of playing sexy bad asses or sexy head cases. As a top supporting actress Jolie has the versatility to play a greater range of roles; maybe even romantic comedies. I could easily see her as the crazy vengeful ex, or the crazy clingy girlfriend. Why she might have even played the crazy lonely single girl looking fortrue love, or at least Mr Right! Those were chances she probably didn't get offered, since Hollywood seemed more interested in typecasting her out of a career.

So the powers that be are probably re accessing Jolie's bankability right now. She's got three more movies in the bag, but about three in development. Development means that they are less likely to ever get made as Jolie's star wanes. In comparison her nemesis Jennifer Aniston has 3 in the bag, and at least 5 in development.

It would be premature to say that the final credits are rolling on Jolie's career as a cartoonish over the top sex siren. She could probably tack another good 5 or 10 years onto her career. That would require some serious reassessment, and serious readjustment. For one thing she'd have to go back to what she does best - supporting roles. She'd also have to line up some serious projects. Then she'd have to have a strong cast to work with. Maybe even a sequel to Mr & Mrs Smith might put a little creditability back into her resume (though the idea of and rough and run down looking Pitt & Jolie reprising those roles after almost ten years of babies, tabloid rumors, etc might be more self parody then genuine sequel - along the lines of "what do two sex killers do after hitting middle age and getting worn out with each other? Did they burn out or can the turn the fizzle back into sizzle?"). Let's face it, even on the sex sells basis Jolie can't be expected to carry a movie by herself. Sex doesn't exist in isolation - by definition it needs something to play off of.

Milla: Get A Tomb Raider Performance at Resident Evil Prices!

Milla Jovovich Wants to Suck You In!

What's the difference between Umbrella Corp. & British Petroleum? Well Umbrella Corp is a lot better at cleaning things up. Plus Umbrella Corp has to deal with Ass Kicking Alice, while BP merely gets an off the cuff one liner put down from Ms. Jovovich during her recent Comic Con appearance.



Milla has more on her mind than the state of the Gulf of Mexico though. She is also very excited about taking Resident Evil into the 3rd dimension! According to MiJo the 3DRE will bring you into the action, & she can't wait to suck you in!

big bang theory

Isn't it amazing how big Comic Con is getting. Once the studios released that it was a great venue to promote films by letting geeks interact with movie stars, people who had never read a comic in their lives were showing up and hanging out! It might be the revenge of the nerds, or it might just be hip to be square!

Here's to togetherness!

Brangie vs the (gutter) press

Moksana might be at each other's thoughts, both legally and literally of the leaked tape recorded conversations of an hysterical Mel ranting racist death threats against his former mistress are to be believed (in the world of journalism a run on sentenced is known as "gonzo". That was originated by the late great Hunter Thompson who was freakishly gifted as a writer - bless his soul - but did like to write stoned and so sometimes lost track of where one sentence ended and another began. Sometimes he'd just mush several of them together!) - but there's one couple who just don't know when to quit - Brangelina. Brangelina, or Brangie for short, are not only solidly together, but are fighting mad about it. So much so that they've taken Brit tab News of the World to court over stories about the power couple disconnecting and even having a post nup type division of assets drawn up.

B-ish movie actress types

It hasn't been a good few years for News of the World. They also lost a suit to Kate Beckinsale - the Underworld vampire who married Len Wisman. The News referred to Beckinsale as a "B movie actress" She took exception and sued. She also won an undisclosed sum. The News' defense, that references to Ms. Beckinsale were a misprint, and that they meant Milla Jovovich, didn't seem to help their defense any. BTW Milla is moving up in class: she's featured as Milady in her husband Paul W Anderson's new adaption of the 3 Musketeers! I just hope that the Milla Martial Arts Massacre Finale made the film's final cut!

Make room for Jethro - Fail in the Family

Speaking of Follywood Family Values the Palin's have another crisis: Bristol Palin has defied her mother and become engaged to Levi Johnston. Now Sarah Barracuda is no fan of Ricky Hollywood, ever since he sold out and began spilling shit about her. When questioned about it by reporters she did mention that the lad might be welcome in her house for Thanksgiving, but only after being grilled in the oven for several hours and served up honey glazed with an apple in his mouth. So you can kind of take that 2 ways. Since Sarah's bagged bigger, meaner creatures than Levi he might probably take it as a warning. That's what Bristol seems to have taken it as, & so bypassed telling Mom in favour of blurting the news out through the tabloids. So it was presented to Mom as a fait accompli, or "it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission" in other words!

Teen pregnancy, reality TV, and other consequences

Now you can't blame Sarah for having reservations. Bristol is her eldest, and has been a target for entertainment industry bullies, like David "I'm into creepy stuff" Letterman! So naturally she wants to make sure that Bristol has a guy who can both provide for her daughter and protect her. Quite frankly this Levi fellow comes off as shiftless (and useless!).

next stop Sunnyvale Trailer Park!

However Sarah needn't worry. Bristol and Levi have their immediate future all worked out. They're planning a reality TV series (what else?) based on their life together as the 2 most famous young Alaskans on the planet. With a deal like that in the works they should be able to land a million dollar check from some desperate cable TV producers. If the show's as promising as it sounds, it might even keep them busy right up to mid season replacements. Besides with some minor retooling - like replacing Todd with Mel Gibson as crusty family patriarch, and rewriting Sarah as Dingbat, they might have a bona fide hit on their hands!

So that covers about everyone except the Lohan's! Remember the post from a few days back pointing out that jail was a Lohan family tradition? Well Dad might be joining Lindsay, since he's been charged with 2nd degree harassment for threatening to kill current gal pal and Jon Gosselin cast off Kate Major. According to Major she was sleeping one off when Big Mike barged in, called her a "fucking cunt", and threw her to the ground by overturning her chair. Mikey L counter claims that Major was drunk off her ass when he made the threat so how can she swear to it? - oops!

Messing With Milla

cruel to be kind 'cause it's easy to be hard

It would be easy to be hard on Halle Berry for driving another man out of her life. It would be easy because it's her fault. If she can't be blamed she's probably still responsible. Yet she and Gabs were trying to make it in a town and an industry that isn't organized around relationships and families so much as it is around 24 hour ego tripping. Even the most level headed can get ground down a bit. Like Milla Jovovich. Milla burst onto the scene at 18 with the release of her 1st album. Music was her first love and it showed - critics compared her to Tory Amis.

Milla flunks the 3rd temptation of Christ

Something else showed too, and that was that Milla was one of the few truly beautiful women in the entertainment business. So the sex sells crowd thought that there should be a way of making money off of that, Perhpas by getting Jovo into modeling and movies. Though Jovo has said that she never took modeling seriously, except as a way of paying the bill, she got herself talked into it.

ride her cowboy!

Eventually she got hooked up with 2nd husband Luc Besson. He envisioned an entire career of prestige pix with Milla in the lead and him holding the riens. Giddyup Go! Only problem was that Luc took to cheatin' and Jovo wisely realized that the relationship wasn't going to get any better and split.

She's Milla inspite of herself

The Messenger 5th Element parts dried up as Jovo found herself busted down in rank to the B list. Still she was a serious actress who gave her roles everything that she had to give. Though her performance in Dummy was a little bit laboured at times, it's still the best thing in the indie flick. It's also the most memorable part.

Still Milla after all these years - She ain't perfect, but she'll do!

Other roles were to come as she won the respect of her collegues. Finally one fateful day she met curretn husband Paul Anderson after attenting a casting call for his Resident Evil project. The rest as they say is history. The couple are currently on their 5th instalment in the franchise. Milla also is managing the balancing act between mother wife and professional admirably, and inspite of where she lives and works!

stay hungry - just don't ever get fat!

How ever things were bound to catch up with her sooner or later. She's no spring chicken anymore. She gained and lost a ton of weight during her pregnancy. She also learned a little through that. People who used to be in awe of her - while she was beautiful, were giving her a hard time when she'd packed on the pounds. Milla herself has spoken in interviews about how sales ladies wound give her dirty looks when she'd go into the smart shops and then ask for sizes that they didn't carry.

Resident Milla

She's also burning the candle at both ends. She's juggling a marriage, a child, and a career while in her mid 30's. That's bound to take it out of you. Maybe that's why some of the advance posters for the next RE show Milla looking a little different then you might remember. In fact she`s no longer the girl you've seen in the movies! Let's have a look see:

the pressure must be messing with Milla!

Evil Women: Milla Jovovich 2.0 & Resident Evil - TNG

Yikes! No lets not jump the gun and blame the work load. Hanging around with the comic con crowd was bound to rub off and nerd her up (Hear that Megan Fox!). So maybe it's time to bring some one else into the franchise. Now where would Anderson & co. find a drop dead grogeous chick with brains, enthusiasm, and some action experience? Well Julia Voth has starred in Bitchslap. She was the scan/model the programmers based the Jill Valentine character on in the Resident Evil video games. Plus she has an uncanny resemblance to a young Milla. Taking her on in a supporting role - side kick capacity might give Voth the apprentice work she's looking for & cut Milla some needed slack. She looks like she needs it. Get well soon Milla!

Julia Voth & Milla Jovovich

Now here's more of Ms. Voth - go on and grab a closer look. You know you want to!

BTW don't let those Follywood types have you thinking that there are no such things as zombies, 'cause that's what they want you to think. It keeps you off guard. In fact Follywood is full of them, and even worse creatures of the imgaination!