menacing idiots - celebritards run amok!
With the recent public flip out of the Quaids people can't help reflecting that celebrities are a crazy bunch. Think of how many famous people have flipped out in the past several years: Britney Spears, Mel Gibson, Joaquin Phoenix, Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, etc. It's like cracking up is some kind of occupational hazard!
fucked up before they ever got famous?
Then there are the cases like Andy Dick and Angelina Jolie. Of course they've never been well, but they seem to have gotten worse since they became famous. Gossipistas will recall that Dick, who faded from the headlines after a series of hi profile fuck ups involving drugs and sexual harassment - recently got himself back in the headlines by baring "Little Dick" in public, waving it at a passing "Tours of the Stars" bus, and shouting "Here I am!" As for Angelina Jolie, no one knows what she might do next. Whatever it is though will probably be Jolier than thou. If you've got to have attention then that's one way of getting it (& one that doesn't involve Twitter! Celebrities really took to the tweet like druggies to crack, so what does that tell you?). Even if the public has put you on ignore.
What do you give the person who has everything? Their own diagnostic classification!
All this craziness must be due to some quirk in celebrity personalities. I call it "Celebrity Personality Disorder". Celebrity Personality Disorder, or CPD, is a greater plague on Tinsel Town than organized bands of starwhackers, maybe. CPD is basically a form of sociopathic personality disorder typified by narcissism, mania, egoism, grandiosity, instability, and of course an insatiable need for attention. Celebrities may feel that they have some special importance. For instance if you're a celebrity you might feel that Barack Obama needs to consult you about policy because you've played a President on TV. So you have some valuable insight and experience to share - even though you know it's not the same thing. Or that you should be able to write articles for the Economist because you've flown over Haiti on the way to Darfur. You have something to share with the world, your opinion. As for the good stuff, like designer hand bags; you'll keep that for yourself.
if you can't go on acting then go on acting out!
The result is that every so often one of our celebots can malfunction. That can be caused by not getting 24 hour attention, not getting you needs met (that means some one refused to go along with your latest whim), or a deep fear that you might no longer be relevant without stopping to question whether you ever really were relevant, or just over hyped. When that happens celebs, like small children that are being ignored or disciplined, can begin acting up. Remember what happened to Alec Baldwin on Letterman, Joaquin on Letterman, Cruise on Oprah, or Britney Spears during her pink wig period (If Oprah met Letterman would they mutually flip each other out? They do avoid each other!). If your switch gets stuck on the celebritard setting then there might not be much hope for you. You'll still keep on acting out - as if suffering from brain damage, because what else are you gonna do?
not down to earth - swingin' on a star
This is the current plight of Hollywood casualties like Sean Young (a woman so crazy that she makes Evi Quaid look like Mother Theresa!), and Anne Heche ( a woman so crazy she makes Sean Young look functional, or anyone else this side of a mental institution!). The last time Young was near a Hollywood dinner party was a couple of years back when she got drunk and heckled the director being honoured at the event. Heche flipped out after splitting with Ellen DeGeneres. With her career as a professional lesbian in the can, and her acting career following, Anne started channeling spirit beings from Alpha Centauri. Then she started calling herself Celestia. Finally she had a complete break with reality. Cops found her wandering around naked in some farmer's field and waiting for the mother ship to come & beam her up. Advanced alien technology could get Anne on board, but not her swanky designer duds (that doesn't make sense since their had to be more artificial chemicals in her bloodstream than in her clothing). Now that last crack was just flippancy - Anne had fallen on hard times and was ashamed for the aliens to see her in less than designer best. So she doffed her discount duds before the ETs showed up.
who is "everyone"? Us + Them & every celebritard in Follywood!
That brings us to the Quaids. Now they make some half way valid points. Everyone knows that Hollywood is as crooked as sin. We've also heard the stories about shrewd business types taking advantage of childlike celebrities. So it's entirely possibly that the Quaids are getting hustled by their business managers. Just like it's entirely possible that managers set up 'power of attorney' paper work in the event that their clients either get thrown in jail, or get too fucked up on drugs or just too cuckoo to function (conservatorship). This power of attorney might be abused later, especially if the celeb gets to be too much of a pain in the ass.
whacked out in Hollywood
However the Quaids blew any credibility they might have ever had when they started talking about organized plots and throwing around terms like "Starwhackers". Anyone should have sense enough to know that when you say "conspiracy" everyone stops listening (except for the ones who want to make fun). Claiming that hi profile types such as Heath Ledger were "whacked" doesn't help either. For one thing a whack job only means a contract killing in the world of cinema. In real life whack job means masturbation! The Quaids can be excused for their language. As the incomparable Bruce Campbell (Autolycus from Xena & Hercules) pointed out "Hollywood writers are people who spend all day in dark rooms. So they don't have much grasp of reality". Hollywood actors are people who eat those words for a living. Since they're nuts to start with that can only make a bad situation worse.
"Infamy, infamy - they got it in for me!"
The result can be that when they have a problem they don't got to the police or consult with an independent expert. They go nuts (and so have an even bigger problem. As Richard Nixon might have observed "Just because they're out to get you doesn't mean that you're not also paranoid. And if they're out to get you, cracking up won't help!"). They're not the victim of a crime because that would be too mundane. Instead they're the victim of a vast organized plot to deprive the world of their unique light ("I don't want to call myself a victim because I'm tougher than that; but this is literally the biggest deal since they crucified Jesus!"). Then they go shrieking (literally in Evi's case) towards the nearest camera with all the drama of a baby seal getting whacked jobbed with a base ball bat. Maybe they think that if the world was deprived of their presence then we would stand to lose more than they would. It's a case of S.O.C - not S.O.S. - Save Our Celebrities! In the case of the Quaids their whole wild story would've made an interesting film - perhaps starring Jim Carey - if they'd bothered to write it down on paper (instead of going on an international crime spree). That should tell you something right there.
When the going gets weird - whatever doesn't kill you makes you stranger!
Now to give Randy Quaid the credit he deserves he is a talented actor. He was nominated for an Oscar and has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Evi, perhaps short for Evil, is another kettle of fish. For a woman in fear for her life she hasn't wiped the grin off of her face since this story broke. She can be seen standing in front of news crews talking her weird shit and lapping up the attention, while grinning like The Joker. I don't like to focuse on facial expressions, but the only way you could give that woman the benefit of the doubt is if she'd had a stroke! So it appears that poor hapless Randy is a man who's sanity has been taken hostage by his wife. It's a case of Mad About You, literally. Then again he works in a crazy, crazy profession that does rub off on people.
Granny is Go Go Girl - when real people go celebrity
Still craziness isn't just something that affects celebrities. Sure they have a compulsive and morbid need for attention, but most people enjoy a bit now and then. When that need overwhelms the person then we can have a real life case of celebrity personality disorder. That can lead to the same strange behavior in normal people that would be fairly routine in stars. Like the case of the 62 year old grandmother from England.
granny and the boners
Bonkers for boners
Ms. Bone started out a normal enough woman. She's been married a couple of times. She has 7 grandchildren. However a couple of years ago a 21 year relationship ended. Then some one made the grave mistake of introducing her to the Internet - the down fall of many. Once hot to trot Granny figured out what was possible (she seems to have already known what she wanted) it was Heigh Ho Silver & away to the races! ‘I just enjoy sex. I am not looking for anything serious. I am done with relationships – I want fun,’ she explains to Metro UK.
Smoke me a kipper granny cause I'll be staying for breakfast!
So that lead to her joining multiple social networking sites (for her social wet working) and holling up with the 200. She was looking strictly for sex. Bone claims that she had no desire for a relationship, and if her random anonymous partners needed to stay the night - too exhausted to stagger off and limp home - she put them up in a spare bedroom. ‘If they stay over I insist they sleep in the spare room. I don’t want to wake up next to them,’ she added.
