celebrities are super wonder people
Most gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child.
--Robert HeinleinWe're always more concerned with some one else's manners than with our own.
~Boguszen
Gary Coleman's death comes as the most recent wave in a long series of hi profile celeb kid fuck ups. Now the famous young and the young of the famous seem to start out with one foot over the finish line: important parents, wealth, connections etc. Yet they're usually in shit before 18. If a celeb kid grows up to be a average sensible person then other people are impressed. "So you're not in prison or rehab - wow!'" So what's going wrong? If celeb kids start out with one foot over the finish line then it's as if the other foot is caught on something. There's the rub.
rich kids & star babies
It points out something that we don't like to face about success. We like to believe all that glitters is gold. So when celeb kids go haywire we blame them for fucking up. It couldn't be a problem with success - as we define success, which is pretty narrowly. Yet the incidence of rich kid & star baby messes is too frequented for there not to be some kind of relationship.
thought experiment theater
Maybe this can be made more acceptable if put in the form of a 'thought experiment'. How many of you wanted your dad to be Superman, when you were young? It's seems like a great deal. No one will ever pick on you cause no one can whip your pappy. Plus you get to participate in the adventure and heroism. You're Jimmy Olson - Superman's pal!
Strangers without candy
Yet imagine, for the sake of our thought experiment that Superman had a child by Wonder Woman. Would that not be the most fucked up person on the planet or what? You can almost imagine them as an unemployed 30 something slacker bitching and whining in their support group. It might even sound something like this:
the adventures of XRay!
I grew up with everyone telling me how lucky I was to have my parents. It was like I couldn't get it through to them that maybe they were better off. I mean you just try sneaking a girl into the house when your 14 and your dad has X-Ray vision. "Mamma come here! I saw the boy sneaking a girl into his room, but he's hidden her some where and now he's denying it!" "Don't worry Pappa. This is a job for the lasso of truth!" The next summer I was in regular therapy. Not that I blame being tied up by my mom in front of my girlfriend is what triggered that! That tends to happen when you Mom's an Amazon.
Or just try getting away with anything behind their back. For instance when our class had the big party I wanted to go. Mom and Dad forbade it. I tried explaining that all the other kids were going. That's when Dad replied, "Oh yeah - all the other kids? Well what if I use my super speed to create a low pressure vortex directly above the town? The resulting rain storms will make sure that "all the other kids" aren't going!"
The first thing I heard in class next day was "Way to get your father to screw up our party Fail Out Boy!" After that I wound up eating lunch every day alone in the washroom locked in a toilet stall. Of course I was never what you'd call popular before that.
"Diana please stop making a scene or this is the last time we visit your mother!"
Superman Family Values
I guess the only question left for the therapist to ask is whether Super Wonder Boy ever got laid? That's the same question that people are asking now about Gary Coleman. So whatever we may or may not think about the advantages that money and trouble can bring, I might just say that "Crystal Bowersox dodged an enormous bullet last night & in spite of herself!"
Wondertrash goes boguszen:
Money can't buy happiness, but allows a choice of miseryNot everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
--Albert Einstein
Some people think they are
worth a lot of money just because they have it.
--Fannie Hurst, writer (1889-1968)
Don't confuse fame with
success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
--Erma Bombeck, humorist (1927-1996)
She lacks confidence, she craves admiration insatiably. She lives on the reflections of herself in the eyes of others. She does not care to be herself.
--Anais Nin
I'd rather be a failure in something that I love than a
success in something that I don't.
--George Burns
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
--Winston Churchill
A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.
--Miguel de Cervantes
Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book.
-Marcus Tullius Cicero, statesman, orator, and writer (1066-43 BCE)
The mind covers more ground than the heart but goes less far.
--Chinese Proverb
What are you so shocked about? Can't you listen to chords without knowing their status and destination? Where do they come from? Whither are they going? What does it matter? Listen: that's enough.
--Claude Debussy, French composer
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
--Albert Einstein
Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex and more violent. It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.
--Albert Einstein
Einstein's three rules of work:1. Out of clutter, find simplicity.
2. From discord, find harmony.
3. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
--Voltaire
When Tom Cruise jumped off Oprah's couch he started free falling into the abyss. His career followed his public image down the chute. So it's been a while since Tom's had a hit. He did do that Valkyrie film, but it wasn't the blockbuster that he's accustomed to headlining. He was also supposed to star in SALT, but exces balked after he went publicly haywire on afternoon TV. So the put Angelina Jolie in the role. Considering the rumors coming out of SALT (Jolie's losing weight, she looks rough, she's passing out, she's on crying jags, she's becoming unreliable, etc.), they might've been better off sticking with Tom.
Jesse James has been getting slagged in the media ever since he made a fool out of America's Sweetheart shortly after the Oscars. That was when his years of cheating with tattooed nazi porno chicks was exposed. Well it seems that character flaw didn't exist in isolation. He was into plenty of other bad stuff too. According to his step mom Janina James Coan, Jess like to use the N word frequently. She even goes so far as to say that he is probably a racist.
sucky yucks
The Aussies can be a sensitive lot. Anyone who's seen that Simpsons' episode where they wanted to boot Bart in the bum will know that much. Seems that the good people down under have run across another disrespectful North American teenager that they'd like to smack. That teen ager is the current flavour of the month and teen idol de jour Justin Bieber.
Britney Spears has been back on the radar lately with a lot of those 'more of the same' stories. Apparently she's had some kind of freak out while visiting Disneyland with her boys Sean Preston and Jayden James, plus her boyfriend manager Jason Trawick. There was a fuss. Brit locked her self in her hotel room with the scissors and chopped off her hair again - clogging the toilet int he process. The boys never got their private audience with Mickey Mouse. The whole unhappy incident did keep tongues wagging briefly, until Lindsay Lohan got fitted with her nifty new ankle bracelet anyway.
That left open the question "How rough is her voice?" Since this is the information age, when there is an open question some one is gonna use available technology to get an answer. So during one of her recent concerts some one managed to tap into her microphone feed. This allowed them to record Spears actual singing voice ungilded by audio back ups. The resulting tape was pretty bad. By pretty bad I mean that Spears' voice sounded like Whitney Houston was being beaten with a bag of cats! You might think that's a colourful exaggeration of the kind bloggers use to over state a point. Fortunately the tape is available and after listening you'll probably realize that it would be hard to overstate how bad Spears was. Just have a listen:
Was that horrendous. She's must've set every dog with in ear shot wailing and howling in response! You've got to break out the thesaurus and run down the synonyms of terrible just to get the right descriptive terms for her cacophony of caterwauling. At least there's a bright side to it - though she's no Crystal Bowersox, Britney does continue to make a very good living out of her very bad singing. Brit's just damned lucky that she wasn't performing in front of Simon Cowell, and within point blank range of his infamous acid tongue!
Of course it goes without saying that American Idol Simon Cowell is a morlock. His whole record deal angle is a give away. He offers people the world, or at least a chance at it. In return he only asks for a little passion. Morlocks are drawn to people with strong desires! In fact I hear that he's the morlock who helped broker the whole Britney Spears Faustian deal. Maybe that's just something you hear on the Internet.
